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My firstime ever saying - i need help, im addicted to weed.
Hi all, i have no idea why im posting this but reading all your post i felt like i found a family....haha i know its that bad lol.
Well i started smoking when i was 13-14 , did it the first time when a girl i wanted to bang offered me some weed. Shes a casual smoker by then & i denied being a virgin smoker & went ahead n smoked up with her. Being the amatuer idiots we were then...we rolled two fat joints with the quantity equivalent to 6 joint or so.
How i felt? Well the girl who offered me the weed was dazed the **** out till she started puking her lunch out lol. Me? I felt better then god might feel. I felt perfect. Waves massaging my nerves and if i focus right i could feel the "vibraitons of the earth" lol. Well lets fast foward now shall we.......its been 20 yrs since then happened.
Im 33 yrs old now and im living as a fugitive in a neighbouring country as i skipped bail on a drug consumption charge that happened to me in my country. Iv been living as a fugitive for 7 mths now. We will get to that in abit
Rewind forward :
Well so after my first experience on weed, yes loved it & has never stopped smoking ever since then. Been a **** up all my life sadly and glad that im finally able to see what iv done. This clarity just came to me not too far back.
Was a top student in a special school for kids with higher iq. ****ed that up :P
Arrested twice before prison for minor theft but given a warning.
3rd time got juvenile probation for a year.
Always gave problems in school but topped the subjects. Most of them at least.
Graduated and have a degree in computer science : worked in a bank...hacked the servers when i was there and got busted. Did 5 months in prison for misuse. Mind you i did not do it for the money. I did it cause i was a ****ing idiot too stoned to know consequences. So right after prison....i got blacklisted from government sectors.
So i moved on to peddling weed n supporting my habits......didnt need much to survive......only thing i needed was weed n money to buy junk food.
Got busted again for consumption and sentenced to 12 months prison. No cannabis rehab where i come from. Served that with 1 year urine test. completed that perfectly though i was doing cough syrups n other easy to cleanse drugs.
Right after i got my freedom back....what did i do first?! I scored shit loads of weed n smoked my ****ing lungs outttttttt.... I am someone who smokes roughly 10-20 joints a day.
I was a broke ass mofo all this while till one fine day for the first time in 30 years of living...i had lady luck smile upon me.
I came across some friends and joined them as a book maker and my first customer was one of my dealers. And he made me 100k in 6mths. All i did every day was smoke up n watch tv, at night i party with friends n hoes. It was perfect cause no one in this group did drugs... they were addicted to money. I bought my rolex and my bmw. So i felt safe and right hanging with them cause the cops usually dont come knocking on their doors. Where else if i hung with junkiees or piotheads with a record...im shortening my lifespan or so i thought.
Where it all came crashing down :
One of these nights when i was out at the club i frequent i saw a childhood friend who was working as a bouncer there. We started chatting & i didnt want to brush him off simply cause i didnt want him thinking iv grown snobbish now that iv got money. So a few days later this friend od mine called me up and borrowed 600 dollars for an abortion for his gf. I lent him the money and he promised to return it at the end of the mth when he gets his salary, which unfortunatly he did.
The end of the month came & i had a call from him saying the money is ready for collection, so i decided to drive by during lunch to pick it up. When i reached his carpark and gave him a ring, he said he was just done showering n told me to give him a minute. I asked him if i could use his toilet and he said sure come on up.
So i went up to his place....wallked to the toilet.....did my thing....and as i was on my way out of the door.....there were 7 narcs standing there. They were a holding an arrest warrant in my friends name. While my friend was searching for the key to his door, i was slowly made my way to the master bedroom n used the toilet, hoping they would sort their shit out n leave me out of it. When boom boom boom! I heard loud knocks on my toilet door. I shouted who is that???? im using the damn loo! And the narc dog shouted....come on out now....
so i washed my hands and went on out, he asked me if i had ever been arrested for drugs. I tried denying it but after he did his scan on the police comp thingy....It was over. They brought me back to test my pee......i tested positive for cannabis consumption. My friend on the other hand who i had no idea did drugs!!1111 cause we just got reconnected.....was positive for meth.
In my country u dont get bail for consumption. if u get arrested today, ull be in prison within 6 hours from ur holding cell. Its a fix sentence. I know this from my previous conviction. I knew i had to get out of this at least till i figure my thoughts out. I mean this happened to me at the best time of my life without any warning...once again!
So i faked a heart attack....got sent to the hospital....got admitted.....got myself discharged n skipped bail.
I left my country and its been nasty cause havingt this time of total solitude has given me time to realize the mistakes iv done and want to genuinely change my life for the better, even not for me but for my family. I am a single guy but iv hurt my parents too much over the years. But im at the crossroads where wanting to change but feeling its not the fell process if i do it as a fugitive.
I dont speak to anyone in person because i have forgotten how to mingle n make friends with people. So i stay home and watch tv shows stoned. Only time i speak verbally is when i shop for food.
I find that if i want to change i have to settle that part of my life but there are other factrs involve that makes me unable to do that for now.
This leads me to never be able to see my parents funeral n what not. I have not fully faced this reality cause iv been smoking myself silly since i skipped bail Just to lag time alil more then possible
I speak 8 languages ( self taught), i play nearly all instruments except wind instruments ( self taught),Released 2 albums( one self produced solo album) i can program in any language in the computer, Im pretty good in figuring things out fast. real fast. im over all not that dumb.
Thus i feel it would be unfair to my abilities if i was to live as a fugitive as i would have to live a low profile life and work a simple job.
I am sorry for wasting your thread and your time for reading this un interesting story, this is my first time actually writing this out and really needed too. As i write i realize wat a ****ed up human being i have become over the years. I have commited most crimes knock to man except murder, rape etc etc etc.
I really need to quit weed as i know i have been lagged behind in life but i dont know how to do this while im in this state as a fugitive......the one time mysupplier went dry....i had a nervous breakdown in the middle of showering.
I am lost.
I shall stop here as i can keep going on and on and on an on.
Happy new year everyone :
Quit Marijuana with Cannitrol