We met on an internet dating site in January 2011. I've been what I would call a mild consumer of weed for the last 25 years...by mild I mean I have gone months without in hat time, also had it in the house for weeks without consuming. I felt - and I have to say, still feel - that it is the most 'benign' drug of them all, alcohol included. I have had long-term relationships with people who didn't smoke weed, and it wasn't an issue for me; however, before we met, I did mention I had the occasional toke. She was delighted - "I wondered how I was going to bring that up" she said..."I'm quite a big smoker".
Reader, as you can imagine - I was about to discover how big.
She claimed to have osteo arthritis, and to be taking weed for the pain. This sounded plausible.
We started a whirlwind romance. Within 5 months, we were married. But each day would start with her having a joint, and each day finish with her having a joint. My consumption rose, but I would frequently refuse or let her puff on her own. As long as there was a steady supply...all was well...if not, she was anxious, irritable, not fun to be with. So I kept her supplied. This, of course, was a mistake.
I work from home. She couldn't work, what with her bad back and all. A back that wasn't being treated...so I made her join my medical practise, get a new MRI scan. Two months after we were married, the results came back that her back was in fact better than most people's her age.
Of course, the cannabis consumption did not cease. Neither did she get a job.
Finally, this month, enough was enough for me. Her not working, us never going anywhere, her playing Facebook games all day whilst I worked and worried about money, killed our relationship. Her youngest child had been kicked out by his father, and she wanted him to move in. I could see me supporting her, supporting her son, working, paying for her to get stoned all the time, basically doing everything and getting less and less back in return. Even though I am a nice guy, what sort of a life would that have been for me ?
So now she and her child live with her parents. I gave her some money, but cut off her mobile phone as it was on contract under my name. She called me to say that the last deal she had had from the dealer hadn't been paid and that he had texted her - of course, this was rubbish; he would only have got her new number by her calling him - to spend the money I had given her to clothe and feed her child on cannabis.
I saw her today. She had gone to Social Services (i.e. welfare) to get an emergency payment for his clothing. Despite me giving her £100 three days ago...
She's not a *bad* person - but then, does a good person put their habit before their children's shoes ? If she was on crack, it would be scandalous - but is there, in fact, a difference ?
I'm typing this out both because it is cathartic, but also in case others stumble across this site as I have done tonight. If your partner smokes weed for breakfast, then move on. You wouldn't accept it if they had vodka for breakfast, would you ? But because weed is less dramatic in its effects, and because it is not physically addictive, it's easier to let it go...but don't.
I will still smoke from time to time; when the work is done, when I am in the mood. But there are some people who cannot control themselves, for whatever reason.
Don't marry someone like that. I'm not bitter; she is not a *bad* person. But she is an addict; and marrying an addict (I've done it twice now, which says something about me !) is never, ever, ever a good idea.
Don't think you can change them; don't think you should change them; don't think they will change. They might, but if they don't...you will watch your relationship go up in smoke.
I still love her, but I am not nor could I ever be in love with her again. A toke is more important than clothing her child.
I hope this proves useful to others. I wish I could say I feel sad that the relationship has ended - instead, the weight has come off my shoulders. Worry not for me, but for all those like me who support, who enable others. And if you are one of those people - value yourself more, and give yourself the life you deserve. Don't watch your life turn to ash.