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I will have 6 months clean from the drug and other mind altering substances in 2 weeks. When I think about this, I really can't believe it. I smoked nearly every day for about 6 years. I was always looking forward to getting high. That's what would put me in a good mood- the looking forward. But the experience itself became empty and depressing. I chose who I hung out with by their marijuana usage. I would freak out at the thought of an empty bag and nowhere to get it. I smoked alone mostly. I was not motivated. I can go on and on about where I was...
But where I am now is a better place, although I still have work to do in this self transformation. Sometimes I still really want to get high. I attend meetings, and this is the hardest part of my recovery, because I am a the drug addict. I say this because I still have fears crop up that tell me this is stupid... "it wasn't that bad", "why am I going to meetings- it's only pot", "could have been worse", etc etc.
But alot of my life revolved around creating time to get high. I blew a relationship (although we are back together). She was 2 years sober from alcohol when she broke up with me, after I isolated and lied about my smoking. But sometimes I wonder if I would start smoking again if we ended the relationship. Because, after all, nothing is certain in life. (Which is my new sober perspective). I do think sometimes would I have quit smoking without her leaving me? Probably not. So that leaves me in a strange spot.
But life is a ride..
I hope to keep posting here, kind of like journaling what comes off the top of my head. I enjoy this forum.. thanks to everyone and their support thus far.
btw, You need more Mods, ForumMatters! For the post approving...
But where I am now is a better place, although I still have work to do in this self transformation. Sometimes I still really want to get high. I attend meetings, and this is the hardest part of my recovery, because I am a the drug addict. I say this because I still have fears crop up that tell me this is stupid... "it wasn't that bad", "why am I going to meetings- it's only pot", "could have been worse", etc etc.
But alot of my life revolved around creating time to get high. I blew a relationship (although we are back together). She was 2 years sober from alcohol when she broke up with me, after I isolated and lied about my smoking. But sometimes I wonder if I would start smoking again if we ended the relationship. Because, after all, nothing is certain in life. (Which is my new sober perspective). I do think sometimes would I have quit smoking without her leaving me? Probably not. So that leaves me in a strange spot.
But life is a ride..
I hope to keep posting here, kind of like journaling what comes off the top of my head. I enjoy this forum.. thanks to everyone and their support thus far.
btw, You need more Mods, ForumMatters! For the post approving...
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