Half and Half

[Fastlifehardlivin]

Firstly, I'm so glad I've found this forum. Reading some of the posts on here, especially your's needabreak, have made me come to terms with my addiction to weed.
The worst part about it is the half and half.
Half of me is my mates, saying 'dont worry, one spliff wont hurt, theres worse things happening right now'. Half of me enjoys the enlightenment a spliff can give, the fun of watching a good movie, listening to good music, eating nice food while stoned. Half of me is a political activist, saying up yours government, you cant tell me what to do I'm gonna smoke a joint just to stick it to the man.
Then theres the other half.
The half that cant get a girlfriend or even meet new people because of the paranoia about how others see me. the half that gets the shakes and sweats after just a few hours without a spliff. the half that cant sleep without a spliff. the half that has f**ked up emotions causing me to cry myself to sleep for no good reason.
Its all a matterof which half is the strongest at any one point in time. At this point its the bad hlaf thats in contorl, the bad half thats got me crying into my keyboard looking at my bag of the drug knowing that theres nothing i can do to stop me lighting up.
But i have hope, i know i can be strong, i know the good half will prevail, if not today then the next day or the day after that.
The things that help are the little things i can do to take my mind off it, like spending time with friends who dont smoke, skateboarding (where smoking can cause some serious injuries) or talking to girls because it feels good to do it without being paranoid even if i dont get anywhere with them.
So i have hope, hope for myself and hope for anybody else in my situation. Cannabis is not as addictive as other drugs, it can be beaten, its all a matter of staying focused, trying to take my mind of it, finding things to do wich dont involve getting high.
I have never opened up in this way before and if anything it has helped me more than anyone. I see now its important not to be in denial, its important to admit how you feel.
So stay strong needabreak, you are not alone! There are people like me just starting your journey of being clean, and there are people who have beaten it and are clean. Take strength from that. Take strength in the fact that you are doing better than the people who have not started the journey, and take strength in the fact that other people have quit, so you can do it too!!
Good luck dude.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi Fastlifehardlivin welcome.

I know how you feel, we often have mixed feelings about wanting to quit, that is perfectly natural, if there weren’t good sides to it we wouldn’t have started in the first place, but like most types of drug use, the longer you do it the more the fun starts to wear off, until you reach the point where the effects are more bad than good and you realise you need to quit. I know what you mean when you say how you feel politically, wanting to stick it to them, but there’s many other ways to do that, in fact taking drugs doesn’t really make any stance against anything, it just blunts the mind and makes you more passive and apathetic, which is exactly what they want, it does more harm to us than it does them, there are much better ways to rebel or make a stance. It sounds like you have a more enjoyable and less paranoid time when you don’t do it. It also sounds like you have got to that stage where the effects of doing it are more bad than good, which was the same for me and for most people here.

Thank you so much for sharing with us, I know it isn’t always easy for some, your courage and honesty is appreciated.

Try to focus on your skating, that and chatting up your lady friends, there are many different other ways to have fun, you are lucky in that respect at least you have other things you like to do, the worst situation is when you have taken drugs for so long and there’s nothing really else that you like to do, the longer you do them the more they can take away your life and personality and leave you not knowing who you really are anymore, so at least you are quitting before you got to that stage. So focus on those things, use them to help you recover, stay strong and anytime you want to get something off your chest we will be here to listen.

Thanks again for sharing, take care and please keep us posted on how it goes.

Good luck we are with you all the way!

[needabreak]

thanks fastlifehardlivin-i appreciated that-its all about understanding it-

i'm gona try and keep at it this time-its all i can do-support is vital-thanks-and good luck dude-i hope it works out-