day 2 without weed and counting

[bongwater]

Well, I had planned to stop last friday, and somehow circumstances helped me do it: a bad cold kept me stuck in bed on friday morning, and the last thing I wanted was to smoke anything. So now it's saturday afternoon, and I've thrown whatever remained of my stash away. So instead of focusing on smoking my last joint, I quit without realizing, by way of circumstances...

And now the hardships begin...I'm feeling better already so I guess the cravings won't stay away very much longer. So I'll keep you posted about how it goes...

[R2Road2redemption]

Sounds good, I just quit 2 days ago hope everything works for you ! I hope your still keeping this up!

[bongwater]

yep, now entering day 7!!! Good luck to you on this journey, it just gets better with time...

[needabreak]

nice one bongwater-ur into week 2-it'll still be up and down-keep goin dude and u'll get there-its great encouragement to others that u'v got this far and still goin strong

[bongwater]

thanks needabreak, I've been somewhat depressed lately but on the plus side, I'm much more calm. I think my overall experience of the drug was different from most, it made me feel very tense and every little problem looked like a mountain. I also felt ashamed of whatever I could do or say. And as far as the munchies go, the drug acted like an appetite suppressant, which meant I lost some weight and got dangerously close to a complete breakdown (going to work with no sleep and no food in the tank for months...)

It was a big eye-opener though, those first few days without weed. I could witness the decay of my physical shape...could barely do 10 pushups. Now I feel my physical strength and my appetite are coming back, which means I'm getting closer to feeling like a human being again! Whenever I'd like to smoke again I try to keep these facts in mind...

[needabreak]

the depression involved with stopping can be a major factor in startin again-that feelin of "fu'ck this-i cant go on feelin like this"-i'm just movin into week 4 and its still there-but not all the time-wen its totally sh'it and u feel like ur gona crack just accept the shi't feelin-it will go away-its one cr'ap month of detox and then the final phase of gettin on wi things without pot-u'r doin it bongwater-the downers are a bollox but seem to be part of the process-well done so far-do u remember the days of not being able to handle a few hours without it?well now ur into week 2-thATs a great move in th right direction-

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Well done bongwater, keep up the good work. Throwing away your stash sounds like a good idea, less temptation and all that.

A bit of depression is often normal but it does pass. It’s good to hear you are feeling fitter and that your appetite is coming back.

Please keep us posted on how it goes.

Take care

[bongwater]

Trying to do the count....hmmmm I'm on my 15th day (I've never been good with math though!) and still counting. I've been on holiday for two weeks for this detox period, and I'm going back to work on monday (I wish I could be on holiday forever, pff..).

Like I said in reply to f*ckmaryjane, the cigs have become somewhat of a new problem, even though I was smoking before. Yet before the cigs were just sub-joints, stuff I would smoke during the day or at work. Unsurprisingly, I've been smoking more of those sub-joints since I quit the real joints. I know I shouldn't worry about it but I don't like smoking this c.rap (how is c.rap a swear word? easy on the censors guys...). I'm slowing getting back in shape - lifting weights, trying to go cycling and so on - and hopefully when I get into endurance sports (cycling) more seriously the cigs will be easier to stop (read: after I cough my lungs out on the sidewalk after a 5 minute effort). My moods haven't been so great recently...depression and anger seem to alternate. But like I said before it's more of an underlying issue than a withdrawl symptom. The truth is I'm screwed up in many ways, and stopping the drug won't solve all my problems like somebody here so rightly said.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hang in there bong water, quitting can play havoc with your moods. Fair point about the word crap, I have had it removed from the list of censored words. It’s easy to hit the cigs hard when you are trying to quit, maybe you could try some sort of nicotine replacement, gum or patches perhaps.

Anyway well done you are doing great keep it up mate.

[needabreak]

ur doing great!!

15 days-nice one-i know wat u mean about the cigs-i dont think ida got threw it without them-and i hate smokin-but for now i'm just acceptin the fact that i need to smoke-after all the smoke we smoked f'ags for a while aint the end of the world-concentrate on the drug for now dude-cigs are far more subtle-u'll know wen ur ready to jack them-

the black moods and despair are awful dude-u might feel like they'r never gona go but they will-just stick at it and things'll work out-i'm happy for u that u'v got this far-its good for others to see and for u to do-nice one dude-
ur doin great-

[bongwater]

well it's been over 20 days and I thought it might be time to reflect on the path so far. It's important to keep track of the accomplishments even though there have been and will be hard days. I'm eating! Big achievement for me...back in the days, I would let food rot in my fridge (yes, pot and memory...), would barely eat or sleep. I'm getting better at that, even though sleep isn't great yet (withdrawls and all) but getting there.

What's most impressed me is how much I can squeeze in a day, before what seemed impossible is now about to become commonplace. Goes to show how much pot distorts your vision of what you can or can't do. Today I went to work, got back and exercised, did the laundry, cooked and I'm about ready to eat. It didn't seem so hard to do and it's only 7.30, it seems insane that doing that was impossible before. Keeping this in mind will hopefully help me keep going...seeing what's at stake and what I would be sacrificing if I ever smoked again.

sending good energy to everyone...

[needabreak]

good energy dude

i feel that good energy bongwater-nice one dude-i wasted away and food just lay in the fridge til i smelled it and then threw it out-i'v ate more in nthe last month than the previous 3-great!! sleep is a bollox but now i need to look at forcing myself in2 a routine-i go on holiday on saturday with my kids and whole family-i'm hopin i can find a bit of a routine while i'm ther-i'm gona have to force myself-

and ur right about doin more each day-far more-i think ur nearly there dude-stick at it-i read ur point on the other post about it getting far worse than it was-it felt so hopeless b4-now ther's hope-and it feels good-well done!!

[bongwater]

theres so much delusion in that hope, ...i can only find relief in running away and pot is just the most drastic way to do it if you except suicide, which is something ive also failed at. even death didn't want me. and i dont know why im supposed to keep living, i dont know how i could make it for so long. my life is pathetic and at least while i smoke i can forget about it. sometimes it seems it makes no difference. it's just another empty friday night. at least the drug spares me the tears. at least the drug can make me forget this loneliness. if i had the drug around i would have smoked it, i guess i'll be glad about it tomorrow, i'll feel ashamed for writing these words because it's the only feeling that comes easy. despair temporarily outweights shame but it wont last. just one more pathetic life among so many that will leave no trace of its passage. how sweet eternal sleep looks right now. it's also hard to express that entrapment. hard to explain why im writing this except as a desperate attempt to reach out from inside. its all irrevelant to these forums anyway. maybe i just cant escape this fate. maybe it was all written before the age of 10 like the book says. i think i used to be happy before then but its an abstract past im cut off from, life back when i was still alive. im as lost as ive ever been, ive remained a child my whole life. i developed my intellect but my heart remains shattered and there's no way to put it back together.

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi bongwater your obviously in a very dark place right now and I understand how that feels, I have battled with depression for many years and have been on suicide watch myself, I have spent very long periods of time feeling suicidal, still do at times and I know how bad it feels. The time that I have felt it the worst was probably the first few months after giving up dope, so even though there may be other reasons for why you feel how you feel, I think withdrawing from dope definitely can make it worse, so a part of why you are feeling so bad may be down to that and that is something that will pass, but it can take a little while, for some a bit longer than for others, but that potentially contributing factor will pass.

There may however be other factors that need to be addressed and perhaps need to be treated, i.e. therapy/counselling, medication. I don’t think most people need to take drugs and in most cases they do nothing to solve the underlying problem, unless it’s a biological chemical imbalance, but there are some, those who are seriously struggling with depression/mental illness to the extent that they are suicidal who perhaps should, but even in these cases a drug like marijuana is still usually not the answer, as it often just makes depression and mental illness worse.

Anyway I know how bad you are feeling at the moment and if you are like me when I am feeling that way there’s probably not an awful lot I can say that will make a difference, all I would say is if you are feeling suicidal and are not already getting some help please get some, talk to someone about it, preferably seek some kind of professional help.

I don’t know if it will be of any help but you may want to read this post on feeling suicidal. http://www.forummatters.com/forums/showthread.php?t=256 there are also links to some numbers you can call.

I choose my words carefully as I don’t want to patronize you, like I say I know how it feels and it’s hard to say anything that doesn’t make you think shut the feck up when you are in that situation. I know it sucks donkey balls, but please get the help you deserve if you are not already, suicide ruins so many lives, especially those who are left behind. But for now it’s you who’s suffering and you do deserve some help.

Anyway I don’t really know what else to say, other than we will be here to listen anytime you need to get something off your chest, please don’t suffer in silence.

Take care the best you can.

My sincere wishes that you feel better soon.

[needabreak]

i felt so lost empty and alone-i couldnt see the point of living-the fun had gone-the future wasnt even in my head cause the gloom right in front of me was all i could see-peoples' eyes saw me at my worst and they felt as powerless to help as i did-they didnt know wat to do-i didnt know wat to do-i was in a crisis-and didnt know wat to do-i just stared out from my dead head and hid away from everyone and everything-then i stopped smoking pot-

at 3 weeks potfree it got worse-"at least wen i was smokin i was doin something" my warped brain told me-but all the relapses i had b4 just took me back to how i felt b4-and it was too much-i suppose i had a mental breakdown-i understand dude-i'm powerless cause i can feel that chemical reaction in ur brain that just feels like death-like inside of u ther's someone else-who's taken all the good away-even the prospect of good-

my mother bought me an angel once-i asked her to go and get something from my two sons to their mother-she landed back with the ugliest and worst lookin angel u ever saw in ur life-i couldnt even give it to my ex wife-thats how bad it was-it had an inscription on it "a time for wishing" i remember feelin sick wen i saw it-i spent 5 years once wer i couldnt wish-i couldnt wish for anything-i was sick of it all and life was not in me-i nearly ended it all back then-i just couldnt see the point-i cant give u the point either-there is no point-but since then i started to see that angel different-i'm not religious-havent been for quite some time-but now i can wish again-i have that angel on my stairs and see it every day-sometimes i wish-sometimes i dont-sometimes i touch it and remind myself how bad things wer once-and that once lasted a long time-

hang in ther dude-its all u can do-life will get better-not cause i say so-but because thats wat life does-it keeps goin-i'll keep goin-i hope u keep goin-this is one of them times wer u have to force urself threw it-wen i stopped this time ther wer points wer i felt like u did-the only way for me to get better was not to smoke-pro smoke people may think wat they like-wen it affects the balance of our brains we know exactly wat it does-nothing will change those feelings but time-i'm with u dude-hang in ther-i know its tough-it wont be forever-hopin for u bongwater-