Another one =)

[slowly]

So today is the day I'm starting quit smoking weed.Or at least try it.
I have to say english is not my native language so pardon any grammar or syntax errors (in case you read this =) )
I don't feel comfortable having a journal in text book so I've decided to keep my progress here.

Reading your stories,it's all too familiar and very similar.I am 24,soon 25.Been smoking for about 10 years and about 6 years I've been high mostly all day,every day.
I go to college,I'm only half way through even tho I should be well done with it.My parents of course have no clue what i spend all my money on.
I have tried to detox few times,but every time i relapse after few days.So i came to conclusion i can't live without the drug and kinda accepted that.
But since begining of this year i started to notice how in fact marijuana has left a deep scar on my emotional state as well as my way of thinking.

Ok so,yesterday i got rid of all my bongs,rizla papers,hidden stashes and i've deleted numbers of anyone that can score some weed,even tho im sure ill get sms or phonecall soon from my good dealers to ask me if i need anything ..

I have to say this is the first time in my life that something hit me like a truck and such an obvious fact came to realisation >>I'M ADDICTED<< and its truly ruining my life.Im a mere shell of a person i once was and i dont want to be this person anymore.None of my family even thinks i have anything to do with weed.All my friends except 1 (who is in same position as me) dont have a clue how much i smoke.I smoke about 5g / day.

Becoming a slave to this green demon has really got me depressed so much,I cry alot,every day at least..especialy in the morning.
Most of my friends are stoners ,but also not every day stoners,more like 1-2 / month.
I tought i could do the same..what a trap ive fell into. Life has turned in nothing more then smoking and thinking when do i need to score more,worrying about money for it.

I have all the things needed to have a beautiful life,safe job,my parents are respected people in my city and im throwing it all away for this **** ...

I have never ever felt so disguisted with myself and with weed.I truly hate it and i truly love it.

Anyway,i smoked last time yesterday with a friend and told him im gonna take a little brake.I dont want to tell them i plan to detox for good cuz id feel really shitty if i relapse and im not sure if i will or not.

I do have STRONG STRONG desire to quit,ive lost soooooo much during this 6-7 years and for what ............................ for what Huh? lying on bed stoned ,staring at computer screen doing NOTHING ,my friends calling me out,for a beer,for football,basketball ...and no,i always lie that i got some stuff to do,and after some time they normally stopped calling.Most of them are finished w college,have bright future ,i could have been among them if i only didnt start this **** ..

Ok,that's enough for today,its still early, i went to gym ,later im going to play some sports with friends,excerise helps me so much.
I know ill be having withdraw symptoms soon,im not scared of that so much as im scared that my character is weak and ill just get back to my old self.

Cya soon !


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Day 2

Yesterday my friend offered me to smoke with him and to my own surprise i said NO .This may seem little but to me this is great success!
Had some problems falling asleep but nothing too serious ,wild dreams all thru the night.

So anyway,day 2,went to gym.My mind is still strongly set up to detox smoking,I would like to be high ofc but i just remember how much i've lost because of my high and instantly that desire passes.
I have alot to study,my terms are closing in,i can not fail,i admit it is pretty hard to concentrate with my mood swings and constant anxiety.
And i smoke cigarettes like crazy,2 packs a day,i never smoked this much but i guess its kinda substitution for weed.

Day is still early here,i hope i get thru it.I talked to few of my hard stoner friends about me quitting (well i told them im just gonna take a brake,but infact i dont wanna smoke ever again) and they laughed at me,told me i will not get by a week without smoking and that just gave me more motivation.

I'll update maybe later,maybe tomorrow. I do have to admit it is kinda nice being sober =) .We'll see how it goes.

Cheers !


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Day 2 ending; feeling so depressed I could kill myself, not cuz of missing the drug but I ran into few people whom I spent alot of time smoking, they offered me to smoke with them, I did refuse, got into argument about marijuana addiction, and they all laughed at me, so hard. If they only knew...

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ps. I know this is a forum,not a blog,please warn me if i should move this posting onto another section because i know bumping threads is not really appropriate.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi slowly welcome to the forum.

Thank you for choosing to share your progress with us, I am sure people will find it very helpful. I too stopped doing things that I used to enjoy and your right eventually people do stop calling. Well done on refusing the joint your friend offered you, that took some real strength!

I am sorry to hear about your argument with the people you used to smoke with, that’s one of the reasons it is best to avoid other people who use the drug when trying to quit, as sometimes not only will they show you no support, but will actively argue against what you are trying to do and even try to get to use again, that’s one of the toughest things about quitting drugs, you are no longer a part of that scene anymore, it’s a bit like leaving a cult.

You have posted in exactly the right place, please continue to do so.

Once again thanks for sharing, take care and good luck! We are with you every step ot the way.

[slowly]

Thank you very much for reply and warm welcome =)

If it is ok,i will update my progress and share my experiences with you all.

Feels so much better having someone who understands you.

You're right about "leaving the cult",seems I will have to brake some relationships in order to get my life back on tracks.Not that it bothers me so much,I once were pro-ganja so much and now its like 180 degree turn..
Not that I want to impose my opinion on anyone but from my own experience,in the long run,weed always catches up,always..one time or another.

Anyway,I'm off to bed,again,thank you for warm welcome !

Peace,stay strong people ..

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

We will be honoured to have you share your experience with us. I too was extremely pro marijuana but slowly realised it was not all it was cracked up to be, not for me anyhow and I am not even saying that this is the way it is for everybody, just that it can be for some, I think it is important to keep a relatively balanced view point, which is not something I used to do when I was militantly pro marijuana.

I too am not trying to force my opinion on anybody, I will happily share the other side of the story with anybody who wants to listen, but can’t really be bothered to argue with people who don’t, after all we don’t all have to think the same, it’s just a difference of opinion, I would just rather agree to disagree, wish them well and go our separate ways. Most conflict just ain’t worth the energy and only drags us down.

Anyway just like the pro marijuana people have their forums, this is a place for people who feel they have a problem with marijuana whether they feel it’s physical, psychological or whatever, heck gambling addiction gets taken seriously enough and that isn’t even a drug, so I don’t see why marijuana addiction shouldn’t be.

So all of you out there please continue to share your experiences, as it really does make a difference to others who feel they are in the same boat and here you can be assured of understanding and support.

Peace

[slowly]

Tonight was one hellish night.I woke up at least every 20 mins, had waves of hot and cold, then after about 4 hours of this i got up,did some exercise and went to sleep again,again woke up after 25mins in sweat.

And dreams ,oh my god, i wont go into details, but its hard to believe sub-concience is such a powerful thing and brain can produce such twisted horrid images.And every time i woke up and went to sleep again different dream.
One of dreams was I was with my friend and finally i gave into buying the drug again,coming home,smoking it,i felt so bad,but then when i woke up i didnt know if it was dream or not..but after few mins i was so happy cuz it was just a dream.

It's still morning here,im soon off to gym to wear my self out as much as possible.Ill update later.

[slowly]

Still day 3 ,going to bed soon,not to sleep ofc,turning on TV ,setting sleep timer on ,oh lets say ,hmm, 6 hours,i reckon ill fall asleep during that time ..

Again,today had a opportunity to smoke some nice skunk,and i said no thank you =)) ... man ,i never knew i could say no to good skunk..

Hang in there guys,good times are waiting for us ,don't give up and remember all the things you missed out for this , we wont make this mistake again will we ..

Peace and love !

[needabreak]

support and dreams

thanks for the support slowly-support is important-

dreams-we can read messages in some of them-others would make cracker films and some are just bonkers-probably to do with us suppressing dreams for so long-

i had a dream-a few of us wer standing down at the end of a street near wer i live-i had just bought some red seal and it was going to be a beautiful smoke-i had it in my hand caressing it and just anticipating going home and getting it going-talk about a big kid at christmas-

then i saw someone in the shadows near us-he was unhappy-looking down-covered in shadow-it was my 12 year old son-

then my brain was back to the lovely smoke i had to look forward to-home i went and woke up before i got there-i was so disappointed i missed out on experiencing that good smoke-dreams can be so real!

i thought about that dream all day-i kept asking myself why was my son there and why did he feel so down-then i realised-if i keep smoking thats how it makes him feel-

an unregistered guest brought up the topic of the selfishness of drug addiction-i been thinking about that since i read it-its so right-sometimes them crazy dreams we have will show us the way-another dream was me and two turkish girls.... we'll not go there!

stick with ur quit dude-and things will be ok-

[slowly]

Day 4 ,still morning.
Went to gym,again wore my self out i can barley stand

I had a friend with whom i had big fight last year and since then we haven't really spoken besides chit chat. I know he is also a stoner , so today i decided to call him,we talked alot and guess what , he is on day 14 marijuana clean.
Long story short-we had nice heart-to-heart conversation and decided to call each other at least once every day to give support and see how it's going.

Thanks for support guys , ill get back to you laters, off to take a shower ,eat good and go study (exams closing in).

I really enjoy being sober and clear headed (not fully clear but we're getting there day-by-day)

Peace and love !

[slowly]

Still day 4 ,evening.

Came home,was pretty good day today.Except the fact i saw my ex gf (we broke up 2 months ago after 4 yr relationship),i still love her and i lost her,guess why,hehe... the drug ofc.not directly connected to it but in-directly yes.

Anyway,so far im holding,i didn't really have any wild cravings,I feel this is the right thing I'm doing.
I have to admit im a bit scared of dreams tonight cuz so far i only had nightmares more or less.

Going to my bed,setting tv timer on 4 hours,hope to get more then 3 hr sleep tonight ..

Guys,why did we start smoking... Everyone told us drugs are bad,but every one of us thought pfff,that can't happen to me,im so strong and smart no way ill get hooked on the drug ,i mean ..who gets hooked on that

Ehhh , life really gives some fcuked up cards sometimes, guess we need to play it right..

You're in my thoughts ,keep strong

Peace and love

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

I know what you mean, getting hooked on the drug is something that really creeps up on you, it’s so easy to be lulled into a false sense of security, but then you wake up one day and all your behaviour is that of an addict and suddenly it hits you. Well done on your efforts so far keep it up, you are doing great!

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I can relate

slowly, dude I can so relate to what you are going through, as I am going through the same thing, this is the end of Day 4 for me. I just got out of bed to drink a glass of milk, it is supposed to help put you to sleep. I got on here and seen your post and thought I would comment.

Hang in there bud, no pun intended

One piece of advice I can tell you from my experience of quitting before is to never, never smoke again. After 10 years + of abstinence I was hanging out with a new found friend, he gave me a bud, now here I am almost 10 years later quitting again, I am in the same boat that I found myself in all those years ago. Keep abstaining dude it gets easier, I have to keep telling myself that everyday. I know from quitting many times before it get easier.

I have found that I cannot just smoke socially or Occasionally...if I got it I am going to smoke it everyday all day, it has consumed my life...my servant became my master. 4 days ago after many attempts to detox making it a half a day I said enough, it is tough I can't sleep, my nerves are shot but I know I must persevere through this, we can do it m8 hang in there, before we know it this will be behind us and we will have a full life to live free of the drug and it's control over us.

All the best m8, take care!
greybeard

PS/ remember take this one day at a time, try not to lOOk to far down the road it will consume you and the next thing you know you will be smoking again. l8r bro

[slowly]

Thank you lads for support , it means very much to me.

It's day 5.Morning. To my own surprise i had a good night sleep ,6 hours even,ofc when i wake up i feel so down. I'm still very emotional , smallest thing brings tears to my eyes,sometimes i find myself laughing through tears cuz im in such a mess.

Dreams were OK tonight,weird,crazy,but I could handle.

Graybeard bro,I know what you're talking about servant becoming a master,that's exactly how it happened. Process is slow but steady.
Im glad you decided to leave the green demon,don't make the same mistake you did 10years ago ,I'm sure you wont.There comes a time when simply your whole being says NO more ,please , NO more ,this isn't ok ,i dont want this anymore.

I'm off to gym soon,shower -> food -> study .I feel it's good that ive set up this routine for every morning.If only i wouldn't feel so damn depressed and anxious whole time,but I guess that's part of the process.I feel like every thought i have is followed by 100 bad ones,every good thing i think about clouded by million obstacles,like a little dark cloud following you all the time.

Graybeard,keep your head up and please feel free to share your experiences with us,helps to hear other people.

Cya later guys,Ill update you =)

Peace and love

[slowly]

Day 5 ,ending.

Was out,party time etc... No ,I didn't smoke any,even though I had a chance.

I have to admit I'm pretty drunk atm. Feel ok now,but i know morning will be hell. Plus i talked to my ex ,tried something and got blown off so hard it was even funny. Nevermind that,main thing is we get off this sh1t.

Now that I think about it , i almost feel no need to smoke,BUT , big BUT ...
I'm at hometown now,at my parents home,i am since i quit,i have alot of friends here,alot of company,but im so scared once my classes start (in October) i move again to my own flat in another town where I live alone. I don't really have much friends there,maybe 3-4,of which all are stoners.. I'm so scared I won't be strong there and I'll just get to my old habbits again.

Funny thing is I've failed about 3 years of college and I've met so much people during that time. None of those people became closer to me,I usually sit in back,read newspapers,have nothing with world outside my head.

I often find myself in situation where some guy/girl says HI to me and starts talking to me and I dont have fukcing clue who am I talking to,who is this person,where do I know them from...so I just pretend I know them,say few chit chat cliches and continue my way.

I really wanna meet new/old people and get to know them,spend some time out,doing something..

Anyway,we gotta keep it strong,I'm thinking about you guys,all the sh1it you've been through and I'm on my way to experience..hope I'm strong enough to got thru that all..

Cya in the morning..

peace and love my good people ,peace and love ...

[needabreak]

that little dark cloud wont follow u forever slowly-make sure u know that-it'll feel like its not getting any better but it will-u'v nearly a week done now-i see that as a big achievement dude-i know how hard it is to start this road but ur now on it-believe in urself-keep busy and keep fightin!!

[slowly]

Day 6 ,woohoo !!!

Can't remember last time I wasn't high for 6 days time,my head is SLOWLY clearing up,even tho anxiety,a bit of depression and insomnia are still here,I know that will pass over time.

Woke up with a bit hangover,went to gym,again can barley stand,feeling good.

Cya later guys and girls,gonna treat my self with juicy steak,i know 6 days is nothing compared to what will be necessary to get thc out of my system especially mentally,but I feel I CAN do it,we all CAN.We just need patience and strong will (i say that like it's easy but we know how hard it is).

Peace !