i think its safe to say that im a pothead. ive smoked for about 5 years now and i really feel like ****. ive stolen for the drug money from my family and lied to friends for this same reason. i cant do this **** no more. i have to maintain my dignity and the drug is not helping. i know it isnt the drug but it is my low will power and my failure to cope with the real world. my mom at the moment is an alcoholic and that could be stressful at times. ive really blown it these last couple of years. for example. yesterday i was suppoesed to start a job, wat did i do, not go and smoke weed. its ridiculous. im afraid of being an addict and not amounting to nothing in life. i need to get a job and get my ass in gear 6. at times, more often nowadays i feel depressed because of my current situation and feel like i am alone. at times i have obsessive thoughts too . things like wat if this happens, or this, and then that. that type of obsessive thinking. i think the reason for it is fear. FEAR. in a way i feel like i need to let go of these feeling to be alive again. feel alive again. i need to live and i want to live a happy life. i appreciate allof you guys for posting your stories. it has helped alot. hopefully you guys respond.
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