Introduction, and feeling conflicted

[eidolon]

Hello,

I'm eidolon and I'm a the drug addict. :P

I just discovered CannabisRehab.org while searching for resources for marijuana addiction. It's weird, because I had always been told -- and believed -- you couldn't be addicted to it. I used to "take it or leave it." But I had a personal crisis over a year ago and have been smoking every single night since. If I have access to it, I'll smoke it until it's gone or I fall asleep.

I keep telling myself that I'll only have a bowl just before going to sleep (I get insomnia if I don't smoke), but by the time I leave work the only thing on my mind is getting high. I have so many projects I keep putting off because I'm too busy smoking. I've developed a bad chest cough. And my weight's increasing thanks to the munchies.

I want to quit, but at the same time, I'm worried. I really do have sleeping issues that cannabis helps with. My friends are big smokers; they'd support me if I stopped, but they wouldn't stop themselves. And if I don't smoke, I end up drinking, which is worse because of the weight gain and hangovers. And I really don't want to give up drinking too -- but that's kind of a sign, isn't it?

As you can tell, I'm feeling very conflicted. :/ I haven't told anyone about it because I'm embarrassed. I think my non-smoking friends would think less of me, and my smoking friends would minimize the impact this addiction has on my life.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.

[needabreak]

about 8 years ago my life fell apart and i'd a serious problem with drink-i also did too much drugs then too so i decided one of these bad habits had to go-i always enjoyed drugs more than drink so i stopped drinkin-my body couldnt handle both-thats one thing i knew at the time-

but since then wat i didnt consume in drink i consumed in pot-it ended up taking over who i was and left me totally depressed and isolated-i knew i couldnt quit the lot then-i ended up smokin 24/7-and the low i got to was serious-i knew i had to detox but tried so many times and failed it just added to my misery-finding CannabisRehab.org helped me get it into perspective-i'm 5 weeks quit today and i feel great-its a hard month cleaning out ur system-i did feel worse at times but i just hung in there-now its takin me beyond the detox period-because i got so depressed i dont miss it-it does mean that i have to face issues in life that pot helped me to not care about-as pot smokers we plan to save the world-but thats all it is-a plan-ther's no committment-no action-

if i turned the clock back i'd still have a major problem-stop smokin and drink too much-or stop drinkin and smoke too much-ur in a tight spot cause neither are good options-it depends wer ur head's at-people who tell u a drug isnt addictive are talkin out their ar'se-think about it-cannabinoid receptors in the brain connect totally with active ingredients in cannabis-how can ticking those boxes in ur head on a regular basis not be addictive-i challenge anyone who says its not addictive-stop for six weeks and get back to me-an addiction can only be a problem wen the supply is cut off-

i'll tell u this-i smoked 20 joints a day-every day-i stopped-u can too-its not easy-the detox is crap-facing life without the numb brain can be hard-but it can be done-u will feel better-think about wer ur at now-read peoples' experiences on the forum-there's not much point in askin someone who doesnt have a problem how to solve it-good friends will support u-people here will support u-and if u consider the problem truly u will be able to support urself-being a bad sleeper is crap-i'm one too-its gettin better but its still hard-i'd rather be a bad sleeper than live depressed every single day-

keep us posted how it goes-keep urself posted-think about wer ur at and wer u wana be-it took me about a month to start feelin better-i hope u get it sorted-

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi eidolon welcome to the forum.

I think most of us here thought the drug wasn’t addictive, then years later we wake up and find we can’t stop smoking the stuff.

A lot of us find that we struggled to sleep without it, as your body becomes reliant on it for producing all those sedating sleep chemicals, but it does readjust over time and learn how to create them without using drugs.

I think most of us have conflicting feelings about quitting and I suppose you have to get to the stage where you want to detox more than you don’t before it’s going to happen.

I know it can be embarrassing telling people you have a problem and I guess there are some people who you feel comfortable telling and some you don’t.

Anyway I hope you choose to join us in quitting if it’s what you really want.

Thanks for sharing and please keep us posted.

Take care and all the best.

[Stonedtoolong]

Love my family; hated my life

I've smoked 24/7 for about 15 years with very few breaks. Most of the breaks were because the town I live in was dry. The times I did try to detox would only last a week before I would cave in with justifications like it wasn't the right time or at least I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a bartender and see people wasting there lives away being drunk every night of the week not realizing I'm doing the same thing to myself with being stoned all the time. I know that there are responsable drinkers just like there are responsable smokers. I'm not one of them. At times I feel like a drug dealer feeding nice people drink after drink until they slip into a stuper. It's really sad, but it's how I pay the bills. I'm a first time dad with a beautiful 8 week old baby girl. I'm going on 18 days of being clean. She is my main motivation, but I don't think I could have come this far without the help of CannabisRehab.org and the support of my wife. I found the rehab group on about day four and it has helped me so much. Bongwater- you are truly an inspiration. I quit a few days after you did and it seems to be getting harder. I've had suicidal thoughts and deep down depression/anxiety lately even though I have everything a person could need to be happy. I just don't have happiness, only emptyness. My drive is knowing (not hoping) that the happiness will return. I'm ready to be that 18 yr old(I'm 33 now) with joy, dreams, friends, motivation and so on and so. I'm ready to just be myself again. Not just an empty shell of who I used to be.

[bongwater]

Stonedtoolong, I'm glad my chaotic journey could be some sort of motivation, and I know what you mean about feeling like an empty shell. 18 days is already a big milestone for someone who smoked for 15 years without much of a break. Maybe it only gets harder as the feelings come back and they seem too intense to handle, we're no longer used to them. It's a bit like learning to live again and I sure feel naked and vulnerable sometimes... in this journey I've also learned that what's true one day isn't true the next. In one way or the other we've got to figure out why we used to smoke in the first place and those raw feelings might be just unpleasant reminders of that reason. But I also know it's just a transition and somewhere in the future these feelings won't feel so hard to deal with. Maybe it's all part of being alive, because in many ways I forgot what this meant.

take care