prisoners of weed

[TheFool]

I used to have a friend I saw alot. I stopped going there because the feeling of being addicted together became too much to bare. The idea of giving it up never enters his mind although it is clearly destroying him. I was forever trying to give it up myself. One day I used some L.S.D. in his house, he wasn't home. I will never forget what I saw...I saw ... slimy dark green snakes or worms...these snakes were part of one organism, a plant with thorns, the snakes bearing thorns slithered, grew together in the form of a fence that covered the horizon. This barrier of snakes and thorns was like a wall that could never be negotiated. I could not see what was behind it but I knew it had to be a vast wasteland, a cold place where there was no life. When the snakes were growing/slithering into place I knew that this fence was my addicted friend. It was at the same time my friend, the thing that keeps him imprisoned and my own addiction to weed. The idea that one can have some kind of power over such a powerfull thing, that you can come and go as you please, use when you want to, is ludicrous. Seeing this image I knew that he would probably be locked up forever in that place.
Today I've thrown my the drug away in the bushes for the third time this summer. I want to be free...
Smoking pot was like a religion to me. But I have seen the true face of my god and it wasn't a pretty sight.
What I did was fool myself into believing that it would be different this time. That it was okay to get some because this time I would be able to control it, meaning not smoke it every day. Well in ten years of smoking pure the drug I managed not smoking the drug while owning some ... once, one day in ten years! This was after deciding that it was not okay to do it every day. Still my mind managed to fool itself into thinking that this time it would be controlable ... hundreds of times.
I've been playing with the idea of posting for weeks now, putting it off smoking more...
My social life is non existant, there is no one to talk too...
I hope to get some support from the people on this site...

Regards

The Fool

[Pipechuffer]

Hi TheFool and welcome.
First of all welldone on posting and even more on throwing away your erb. I used to throw mine away aswell, only to go and buy more the very next day, usually as soon as i woke up. I did it countless times, sometimes 3/4 of an oz What i realised is i had to deal with the addiction first before i threw it away as it was only a (very) short term solution. Its funny how when we are addicted its perfectly normal to smoke every day (i used to wake and bake most days for over 16 years) and think its perfectly normal. Yet say that to someone who dosnt smoke and their like 'no way'. Our addiction is a very powerfull and personal yet subtle thing. We dont realise how addicted we are untill we get a reference point for 'normal'.
If you want to stop permanently it is possible but does take a very sincere want to do so. I wish you good luck in your journey to beating your addiction. I have tried countless times but have never felt more confident since i found the forum. Stay positive

[LOST]

good luck friend, I know things look bad from the bottom but once you realize how much of a slave to your impulese you are your better off then others who could care less about growth.

[slowly]

Hi TheFool,welcome mate !

I don't think you're a fool,if nothing you realize what the drug is doing to you and you're trying to detox it and get your life back.
Weed is specific,it really sneaks up,entangles you without you even knowing (in fact you do know it but your brain just rejects idea that it's bad),then one day you wake up and realize years have gone by and that little kid inside you hasn't grown up.

It's never too late to stop and take things into your hands,keep your head up and try to be strong.

Peace man

[bongwater]

hi,

the mind sure is treacherous, I try to take everything it tells me with a grain of salt. So often the reasons (read:rationalisations) are only the result of other, deeper impulses, for which "the end justifies the means". It's good you can see through them. Very often I actually convinced myself that I could control it. But looking back these thoughts were not the result of deep thinking...they were rushed, so full of hope and self-delusions.

Pot and friendship makes is twice as hard to give up. For about 8 years my best friend was also my smoking buddy...read: my best friend became my smoking buddy and the best friend disappeared. Our friendship became defined by our smoking. Sitting together was enough to trigger the desire to smoke. If that friend hadn't moved to a different country I may still be smoking today. He later turned to heroin and it nearly destroyed him. There's not a single day when I don't miss him, but I only miss a memory of him...it's what drugs do to people and hence to friendships. I understand how it feels when it becomes too much to bear, it may take many years before we can actually go separate ways.

take care and keep us posted

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi the fool welcome.

Wow, that’s quite a trip and not a very nice one by the sound of it, still if it helped you realise things you needed to realise maybe it was for the best. I don’t think you are a fool either, what you have wrote is incredibly insightful, I think when you do a lot of marijuana especially the really high thc stuff it can be very trippy, obviously not as much as LSD but it can still affect the senses and change your perception and in its self can turn into kind of a bad trip. I often refer to the religion or cult of smoking marijuana, it’s not until you leave it that you realise just how much of a cult it is, but for me it was a bad religion.

Well done on posting and well done on your efforts so far, I hope we can offer you some support.

Take care, thanks for sharing and please keep us posted.

[bongwater]

btw...wanted to second what Rehab Admin wrote, the drug is a form of cult in the sense that it's a completely airtight paradygm, keeps us stuck in a loop. Somehow quitting has to be done in spite of ourselves at first... like some other psychological things, irrational fears. The fear is there because we've never faced that scary situation, versus we've never faced that situation because the fear is there in the first place....

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I too feel like a prisoner and like a member of a cult, it’s like me and my friends have spent the last few years worshiping weed. Everything we do revolves around it, it’s become an obsession.

[needabreak]

good luck thefool!!

well done on ur choice dude-u'v known for a while that the fence was there-but its only a fence wen u wana get over it-if its used to keep the outside out then it aint a fence-i drifted too for a long time with a fence around me-now that fence is down-dont despair cause the despair will go-it takes time-for me it took about 4 or 5 weeks-now is the bit i'v always failed at in the past-the bit wer i have to get on with my life-this rehab group was my lifeline and my quitting buddy-without yous i wouldnt hav made it-again-cause i failed so many times in the past and just turned back into that lonely isolated smoker that was wastin away while th world kept turning-

one thing i advise people to do who have given up is talk to people who didnt revolve their lives around gettin stoned-we can learn from them-we need to realise that life can be hard-that life is filled with its stressful days wen things might seem too much and pointless-that's part of the human condition-i wonder do dogs yearn for bone filled fields of mates and freedom-we do-there are things in life that we need to learn-to try and get life into a perspective that our brains can comprehend and accept-that is a difficult thing in the modern world-we want it all-and we want it now-not smoking doesnt equal happiness-but it gives us our lives back to make good or fu'ck up as we see fit-so long as we all realise that not smoking aint the holy grail-but at least it'll give us the perception to maybe find some inner peace and happiness-living a life wer we'r connected is the answer-pot cuts us off-stoppin cuts us off-now we need to rebuild connections and life will get better-

i know everyone's different-for me the detox part took about a month-living the rest of my life pot free will take the rest of my life-and ther'll be a lot of highs and lows ahead-at least i'll be able to feel them-and u will too-good luck dude-hang in ther on the shi't days-smile on the okay days-and if u get a good day celebrate-cause detoxin's hard but well well well well well worth the effort-good luck thefool-hope u have the last laugh