Hanging by my fingernails

[TheDude]

I just felt I needed to vent here.

I have been the drug free (alcohol free too) for almost 8 months. I have managed to do this with a drastic change in lifestyle. I am trying to meditate every day, and have avoided being around pot and my old lifestyle altogether. the drug was my drug of choice, as I smoked every day for about 6 years, and used it for about 12 years. I started smoking more and more, especially when I got my own apartment. I became really isolated and depressed, and nearly suicidal after a traumatic fallout from a relationship.

This week has been almost unbearable. the drug is calling me, 8 months in. I think a major trigger was when I was cleaning my place the other day and I found a piece of bud that I forgot about tucked away. I resisted throwing it away. Simply amazing, that after all these months I am still vulnerable.

I am trying to remember that this is a choice to stay clean. I tend to romanticize getting high, and forget all the depressing times.

I will meditate tonight. I want to live life, and be with what is. Accept reality. If I smoke, I am not accepting reality: I am fighting reality.

[itt]

Hanging

I know most people think they are most at risk of a relapse early on, but I believe the risk lurks for a long time after.

As I come up to my 8th month pot free I am still very much on guard - my motto is every day is a good day for a relapse.

Hang in there.

[bongwater]

Hi TheDude,


I can relate, although I have only been clean for a month and a half, I've been experiencing the same kind of thing lately. You're doing good though, because you didn't just stop the weed, you changed your lifestyle. I'm sure meditation is a great help when it comes to this "romantic" rememberance of weed. I've found sport to be equally useful, to vent some frustration and produce some endorphins.

Accepting reality is huge, and it's not easy every day. We need to find other types of escapes. For me it's either books, movies or dreams. Like you, I have found that remembering the bad times is not enough.

You mentionned a decaying social life while you were smoking...what is it like now? Have you managed to get out of your shell and maintain/create friendships? It's the stage I'm at right now, and it's not an easy one.

Take care

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

I too miss getting high sometimes, I have to admit it, but when I feel like that I just force myself to find something else to do and it just about gets me through. Finding new things that give you pleasure is essential if you want to stay clean, or it is for me anyhow.

Somebody posted on another thread that they have found st John’s wort really helpful, maybe you could give that a try. I know it sucks, but hang in there dude, rebuilding your life can take a long time for some.

Take care mate and thanks for sharing.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I too think that staying clean is harder than getting clean, hang in there people one day at a time. We can do it!

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Hang in there pal you can do it! We are all with you.

[needabreak]

"I became really isolated and depressed, and nearly suicidal after a traumatic fallout from a relationship."


u have to remember this part of it-i have to remember this part of it-

i felt so bad that i cant go back to it-i couldnt take it anymore-maybe ur just having a bad week-people who dont have problems with drink and drugs have bad weeks-we all know the numbness that smokin can give-but it aint the answer-ride it out thedude-might be ur final hurdle to be totally free-i hope u pull thro it-