trying to quit is a *****

[pursuit of happiness]

everytime i feel like smoking im gonna come here and write about it. still trying to detox but im starting to feel hopeless. at the moment the drugs are winning. i cant be more disgusted with my way of life at the moment than right now. i need to stop. i know this. i have to do this. life really looks blank right now. this cant be life. i wanna live.

[needabreak]

i just spent 3 weeks smokin pot 24/7-how do i feel now?not too good-a bit empty actually with a brain thats more dead than alive-i think i know it all-i dont-in the past i said its all about ur brain-gettin ur head round stoppin-but its more complicated than that-

wen i smoke its all the time-endless-addiction would be okay if depression didnt come along with it-and anxiety and worry and all those black thoughts that come too-i smoke to cut the world out-its my get out clause-even now i'm thinkin if i never smoke again does that mean i'll have to face the world around me every day and accept it-acceptance is something i dont do too well-is this because of drugs or would i feel like this anyway-i dont know-

i'v a serious problem with smokin-it gets me down-i know loads of smokers who are capable of getting on with their lives as well-but not me-with me everything's always so negative-so unfullfilling-things get that bad sometimes i just cant stop-wen i do my head's flyin all over the place and i'm a bag of nerves-wen i'm stoned nothing else matters-real life takes a back seat-often times its thrown straight out the back window-

why is it such a struggle to stop doin something that we know is doing us harm?wat part of us still wants to self destruct?wat will it take to break free?smokin pot ticks all my boxes of lethargy and unconcern-wen i stop smokin real life takes over and i dont want to know-i lose interest-even though i know how much better i am wen i'm stopped it still gets back into my brain-once i have decided that i'm havin a smoke then ther's no goin back-my brain needs its fix-then i regret it-continually-over and over-and the more i regret it the more i smoke-

i'v a million reasons not to smoke-all valid and responsible-but all the learning in the world wont satisfy my brain wen it hasnt been bombarded with thc-i spent the last 3 weeks with a split right down the middle of my brain-wer it just wouldnt settle or relax-ther was always a want or a need that i couldnt turn away from-and the more i wanted to the bigger the cave opened inside my head-empty and black-

wats the answer?i dont have a baldies dude-but dont give up-i nearly did-keep tryin-its all we can do-we'r not happy smokin-i'm not anyway-it makes me miserable and yet i aways fall back in-hopefully not this time-i hope this is the time for u too-

[Detox Me]

trying to detox sucks....... I am having a horrible 3rd week off. tomorrow it will be one month of being clean.... but at the current moment I am very tempted for two reasons... the withdrawl is really getting to me. I am anxious as hell, my mind is fogged, depressed and what not. And my heart got broken again cause I will not be able to see my daughters for one more week. That will be two weeks with out seeing them.... They are my motivation but the more I feel I advance the more far away they seem........... my work seems so uphill and there are so many mistakes I do not feel up to it.

I will be away for a hole week in the jungle as I stated in some other post... but right now that does not feel like a good idea any more... bye guys and gals hopefully I'll read you when I come back... stay strong.

[needabreak]

hey tonka-well done so far dude-i was in the same place as u 10 years ago-only difference bein i'v sons instead of daughters-wen all that goes ther's a lot of time left-i filled it with drink and drugs and ended up the wreck i am these days-

my children wer wee then-3 and 2-ther now 13 n 12 and my relationship with them is great-although i was wreckless i always had my half week with them over the years and its only after a while wen things settled down i was able to........i'm not even sure wat i mean cause in reality even after 8 or 9 years it has still had a big affect on me-i know its something that i have to come to terms with-cause b4 i spent my life hammered and didnt really give myself time to adjust-i'm a relapser-up til now-i get it out of my system and then wen i have to get on with my life something happens, i have all the opportunities in the world to be bad to me and i go off the rails again-i suppose the thing these days is that my sons are growin up-i cant hide that i fu'ckd meself up-they see it-i see it-and it ties me in knots-

ur bein strong and a great example to others-enjoy the hills dude-and give ur daughters a million hugs wen u see them-good luck-

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hang in there guys you are doing great, we will find a better life, needabreak it’s great to have you back I know you have been struggling a bit recently.

[Detox Me]

Guys just want to share with you that today I am celebrating the end of my 5th week off! I know it doesn't sound like much. In a quick briefing felt serious anxiety and depression, sleep problems, psicological therapy, went back to religion, started walking every day, and lost a lot of weight.

It still is a problem though but if we dedicate as our main goal to detox it I believe it can be done. We need to change our life around. Plan our days to avoid temptation, plan a whole strategy to cope with loss of motivation and depresion. Learn to live a life free of chains and with a lot of free time in our hands. It is very hard battle, close to imposible but it shure is a battle worth dedicating every ounce of energy to win.