Dealing with hopelessness

[Mr.OrangeZero]

Hey guys here's my story... i started smoking the drug at age 14, the same year my father died of cancer. It was a weekend thing at first but around 17 or 18 I started smoking by myself on a daily basis. I am now 22 and struggling in pretty much every aspect of life. I dropped out of school 4 times and basically gave up on my dreams, but knee deep in debt. So i work a dead end job that leaves me feeling like a failure. I have no girlfriend and am still a virgin. My family life is next to non existant with the exception of my mother who i live with. My relationship with my brother died when my father passed. I still have friends but sometimes i wonder if they are really my friends.

So I've been trying to detox pot for 2-3 years now but i don't think i was serious about it. Today i am determined to stop but the withdrawl leaves me soo depressed, hopeless and lonely that i figured it would be easier to cut down first instead of going cold turkey. I want to be happy but it seems impossible, like I already ****ed up too much and im gonna spend the rest of my life catching up unsuccesfully. As I write this i'm now considering seeing a therapist because i just dont know how to deal with the emptiness.

Any advice anyone can give will be appreciated since ya'll can probably relate more to my story than any friends i have. Thanks, I will keep posting updates and maybe I can help others too.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi Mr.OrangeZero welcome to the forum.

I found your story so moving, I really do feel for you. Maybe you should see a therapist, although I can’t help suspecting that if your life was right in various other ways you wouldn’t have to, but I guess that goes for a lot of people who see therapists. It’s sounds like you may be suffering from a fair amount of reactive depression (depression created as a result of your situation) although the dope may be contributing to it from a chemical point of view, it can do that, in fact there’s a good chance you may be suffering from a combination of the two. So what I would say is attack it on both fronts, try to detox the drugs and change your life in the other ways you need to do so, you will probably find that the one will compliment and make the other easier and vice versa, I know it did for me.

Anyway I know how tough it is I have been through some pretty harsh lows myself, mental hospital for depression, ect, so I know how shit it can be, but nothing changed until I made it change, so see a therapist if you feel you need to, good professional help is a god send for those who need it, but you will need to change your life in other ways too, which hopefully therapy and giving up drugs will help you to do, they should all complement each other. If you are going to go for the gradually reducing the amount you smoke method, try reducing the amount you smoke by about %20 a week, then after about five weeks you should pretty much be there, that should give you enough time to adjust and not hit the ground with too much of a thud.

Thanks for sharing your story I am sure it will be of help to others, take care and please keep us posted on how it goes, anytime you want to get something off your chest we are more than happy to listen.

[R3XXY]

Sorry to hear you're so down dude. CannabisRehab.org is a good a place as any to start resolving your the drug issues though.
It is hard giving up weed, it's so habitual and you feel like there's a big hole where it used to be. But life does get better after a while, think how nice it would be to not have to listen to your own nagging guilt.

I've been suffering from a bit of depression since I stopped smoking too, but what I have realised is that stopping doesn't make you more depressed than you were when you smoked. It just makes you depressed about the things that you avoided dealing with by smoking pot, rather than being depressed about how much you smoke and how it's f****d your life up.

When you do give up and when you've had a while to readjust you should be able to start dealing with those issues on a practical and / or personal level because you won't have anything clouding your judgement.

I speak from experience, I smoked all day every day for 13 years, and it was super strong the drug for the last half of that. I quit at the start of this year.
I'm 33 and feel like I've wasted a lot of my life but it's never too late to make a change. I feel sooooo much more clear headed and have more energy.

Stopping isn't an instant fix but at least it's a step towards a real one, unlike weed.

Good luck.

[Mr.OrangeZero]

Thx guys for the kind words...it means a heck of alot. I tried cutting down gradually but it led me right back to my standard doses...so i decided to go cold turkey. I am on day 3 right now. I have a friend who quit about 2 days before me and said he has had no symptoms of withdrawl. I, on the other hand, have had a very hard time.

Day 1 was torture. I just felt so sad and alone. But i made it through the day and went to bed extra early. Day 2 felt great, almost like the withdrawl had passed altoghter. I went running with a friend and started planning out my future. Today was day 3 and it was shit. Not as bad as day 1 but pretty damn bad. What hurts the most is when I think of all the people i lost. The real friends I ditched to go hang with loser stoners. The women I could've had real relationships with that i just neglected so i could get high by myself in my little corner. The procrastination and wasted time is just hard to accept but there's no one to blame but myself. I keep hoping i'll run into some of these people and get another chance at redeeming myself.

One day at a time I guess. I feel confident that i won't smoke again (at least for a long long time) because i don't ever wanna waste the opportunities that live throws at us. I feel that this is my time to "man up" and do the right things. Still, it seems like I'll never get over some of the things I ****ed up in these past 4-5 years.

I started smoking cigarettes again temporarily until things get better. I found that quitting cigarettes was nothing compared to the withdrawl of weed. I still have a very long road ahead (haven't even been clean a week yet) but i finally feel like things are gonna be ok. Life is just too precious to waste on kid shit like smoking weed. Thx again for all the support.

P.S. I have started to have dreams again and that shit feels soo much better than being high from weed.

[Catalyst]

First I gotta say great job man. I know how hard the decision is to actually make to give it up not to mention the hell of the first days and weeks. It's good that you have a friend quitting also, strength from others. That's the reason CannabisRehab.org has been so powerful for me. I read some where "Give me a place to stand and I'll lift the world off it's hinges." CannabisRehab.org is our foundation. Stand fast Mr. Orange Zero, we're all with you.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Well done Mr orange Zero I know it’s tough you are doing great. It’s funny how you mention quitting cigarettes being easier than quitting weed, I have heard quite a few people say the same, yet so many people go on about how cigarettes are addictive and the drug is not. It seems to me that different people can have very different experiences, which I don’t really find that surprising as different drugs react with the chemistry of different peoples bodies in very different ways.

I am glad you are starting to enjoy your dreams again, keep up the good work, take care and please keep us posted on how it goes.

[Detox Me]

Mr Orangezero you stated your 22... If you really pay attention you are very young.. a lot younger than when most of us decided to quit. That means you are "manning up" at a pretty young age. I truly believe that you can really catch up with your life. But remember to act slowly. Take it easy. For right now I would suggest take it really really slowly just quitting pot is a big achievment. So chin up your making a big decision and it will not be easy but you will have us for support. As days pass you will feel better and better even if the withdrawl kicks in you know your doing the right thing.