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Declaration of Independence
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My story...
I started smoking at 15, and quickly became dependent. I had a friend whos mom would roll him joints before school, and after we'd come back to his and smoke all evening. I would steal money from my mom, to pay for the next ten bag...to avoid the guilt i'd pretend that she had more money anyway, that she was mean, that i hated her. looking back i see i made these excuses up to justify my smoking.
Over the next few years i would spend all my spare money on my habit, and more than once stole from friends stashs when they were out. I went to uni, and spent probably half of my loan on smoking. I would smoke alone, and look for reasons to go to bed early so i could spend the night staying up smoking.
Last year, after a break up with my girlfriend, I tried to quit. I was able to give up for two weeks, and felt fine physically..but soon relapsed and started buying more. I went through a stage of buying the drug and smoking it all as fast as i could, literally all in one spliff to myself - i guess this was to show to myself what a pointless and stupid habit it was. ironically, i always felt optimistic at these times about giving up...it was after, when i had no the drug left, that my mind would seemingly only have one focus..to get more weed.
At the moment my habit seems worse than ever. I earn money in the day by busking, and go and buy a ten bag and smoke it all in a night, staying up till 4 or 5. then i will wake up, skint and depressed. i have to go out to earn more money, but when i reach enough to pay for more weed, i will visit my dealer, buy more, then repeat the cycle.
MY habit makes me feel so bad. I dont like being subservient to a drug...i feel like it controls me. It diminishes my self respect. It scares me that i have no self control in my thought processes...when i want weed, i get weed, or else i sit and think about not having any. Its so stupid! I know I can be more than this, and that I'm wasting my precious time on this earth.
So this is my declaration of independence. Screw wasting my life, **** weed. This is day number 1, and it is my mission to just get through the day without smoking weed, and go to bed early. If y'all will have me, i want to use this board as a way of tracking my rehab, and hopefully get some encouragement on the way. Thanks,
I started smoking at 15, and quickly became dependent. I had a friend whos mom would roll him joints before school, and after we'd come back to his and smoke all evening. I would steal money from my mom, to pay for the next ten bag...to avoid the guilt i'd pretend that she had more money anyway, that she was mean, that i hated her. looking back i see i made these excuses up to justify my smoking.
Over the next few years i would spend all my spare money on my habit, and more than once stole from friends stashs when they were out. I went to uni, and spent probably half of my loan on smoking. I would smoke alone, and look for reasons to go to bed early so i could spend the night staying up smoking.
Last year, after a break up with my girlfriend, I tried to quit. I was able to give up for two weeks, and felt fine physically..but soon relapsed and started buying more. I went through a stage of buying the drug and smoking it all as fast as i could, literally all in one spliff to myself - i guess this was to show to myself what a pointless and stupid habit it was. ironically, i always felt optimistic at these times about giving up...it was after, when i had no the drug left, that my mind would seemingly only have one focus..to get more weed.
At the moment my habit seems worse than ever. I earn money in the day by busking, and go and buy a ten bag and smoke it all in a night, staying up till 4 or 5. then i will wake up, skint and depressed. i have to go out to earn more money, but when i reach enough to pay for more weed, i will visit my dealer, buy more, then repeat the cycle.
MY habit makes me feel so bad. I dont like being subservient to a drug...i feel like it controls me. It diminishes my self respect. It scares me that i have no self control in my thought processes...when i want weed, i get weed, or else i sit and think about not having any. Its so stupid! I know I can be more than this, and that I'm wasting my precious time on this earth.
So this is my declaration of independence. Screw wasting my life, **** weed. This is day number 1, and it is my mission to just get through the day without smoking weed, and go to bed early. If y'all will have me, i want to use this board as a way of tracking my rehab, and hopefully get some encouragement on the way. Thanks,
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