How to Handle a Marijuana Relapse in Front of You

[Puffy]

My brother is great. He truly used to be my best friend until he started smoking pot so much that he was no longer interested in anything. In January, 2009 he quit cold turkey and told me how much happier he was, how much better he felt and that he can't be around anyone that smokes pot anymore. He did great! For about 9 months. Now he has re-started a friendship with someone who is even more addicted that my brother and he's smoking again.

I don't know how to deal with this. I want to be supportive of my brother, but not the pot. He doesn't know that I found out he's smoking again so I have a feeling he will either avoid me, or, he will that he'll defiantly invite me over, do it in front of me and challenge me to say something about it. I really don't know what I COULD say. Can't say anything positive about that, and anything negative is a good excuse for him to make me the bad guy (girl). This is a new thing with him - turning around comments he doesn't like, to make it appear that I'm trying to make him feel guilty. It's not that I'm trying to make him feel guilty. I'm tired of people pretending and acting like everything is okay as long as nothing negative is said out loud. The fact is, my comments are meant as a reality check, as in I'm not going to pretend you didn't start smoking up again, not efforts to make him feel guilty.

I guess what I'd like to know is how do I respond when he either tells me or actually does it in front of me?

PS: I get how hard it is, I smoked cigarettes for 25 years and quit 7 years ago cold turkey. Had a single cigarette relapse and nothing since.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi Puffy and welcome to the forum.

It’s a real tough one, trying to get the right balance between being supportive and non judgemental and getting them to wake up and smell the coffee. I think that’s probably the best approach though finding the right balance, too little and you fail to present your case too much and you turn them off and put them on the defensive, obviously the right balance can vary from person to person, some people can take more of a frank talking to than others, with others you catch more flies with honey than viniger, you just have to see how they react and adjust your approach accordingly.

As far as how to react when he tells you or does it in front of you, well from what I have read it doesn’t pay to lose it too much, it’s probably better to stay calm, that doesn’t mean you can’t say your piece but it’s probably better to do it in a calm and collected way, but like I say it’s all about finding the right balance for that individual.

I hope that helps, take care and please keep us posted on how it goes.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

You DO get it! That's it exactly; finding the right balance between acting blase to going overboard. I'm going to see him today and I hope he tells me that it was a temporary falling off and he's not doing it anymore. He and I are a lot alike in that one puff is too many and 1,000 puffs aren't enough.

Thanks for posting me!

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

My pleasure, good luck!