keep changing my mind

[theseeker]

I'm in my mid 20's, started smoking when I was 21, and pretty much non-stop since I started, with no more than a few days 'off' at a time. I'm fairly successful, have a great job, I'm finishing my degree while working full time, do some volunteer work regularly, and tend to work out a lot.

I've had problems in the past with anxiety and depression, but thankfully they haven't been as prevalent lately. I know I self-medicated a lot, though.

I'm posting today because I don't really know what I want, and keep second guessing my decisions. I'm always an 'after work smoker', making sure everything is done for the day before lighting up. In the morning I'll be fairly convinced that today's the day I'm going to stop smoking, for good. Then the evening rolls around and I light up. It's partially out of boredom. It's also a good way to mark the end of the day, a symbolic (and real) way to begin relaxing for the evening. It's a tough habit to break!

I'm concerned cause I keep going back and forth. On the one hand, I'd like to quit, at the very least to prove I'm not addicted or reliant on this plant. Then there's the money and time waste. And I've heard the claims that smoking can impair one's mental faculties - I haven't seen this in myself, but am curious if I'm making life harder than it needs to be, maybe it's something that's inperceptable to me.

But when 5 o'clock rolls around, all of that goes out the window. I get home and want to plop on the sofa and get baked. Or make dinner and get baked. Or go for a run and get baked.

The kicker is that it's started affected relationships. I have a boyfriend of 6 months, who I see probably 2 times a week on average. Part of me is concerned that I'm just not that into him, and that's why I'd rather spend my time elsewhere. But part of me is worried that I'm not that into him because he's a barrier between me and getting high. He isn't a fan of weed, and especially not of me being high. That's starting to come to a head, and my relationship with one will probably have to end soon.

I'm partially posting just to vent. But also looking for advice for others who have been there before. When you lose interest in relationships and start smoking a lot is it because you don't like the relationship, or that you're addicted to getting high? Either I'm trying to escape the feelings of the relationship is dead, or I'm killing the relationship so that I can keep getting high.

My plan is to try to get clean for a few weeks and reassess the relationship and my feelings. But I have a feeling the next couple weeks aren't exactly going to be a picnic. Last week I stopped for 4 days (longest since I've started smoking), and it wasn't too difficult, although I got a little less sleep than normal.

Good news is the bf is supportive, is giving me space to sort this out and all. He's really a great guy and is exactly what I want in a boyfriend in almost all ways, except that I just don't like being around him all that much right now. I guess I'm hoping it's a the drug addiction and not that I'm not all that into him.

Anyway, thanks for reading my long incoherent rambling post. Any advice is welcomed.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi theseeker and welcome to the forum.

I know how you feel most of us here have experienced been in two minds about wanting to quit, that’s pretty normal. I don’t know how much marijuana is negatively affecting your life, it can vary significantly from person to person, some do get away with it much more than others, I did experience it seriously affecting my mental/cognitive capabilities although it took a good few years of using heavily before I started to notice it, but again I have also read that some fair better than others when it comes to this, apparently some peoples brains are more vulnerable to harm from drugs than others.

I don’t know how much of your problem with your boyfriend is down to the drug or how much of it would exist anyway, although I have known and heard of many for who the drug does cause relationship problems and it can be quite typical especially if the other person isn’t a smoker themselves or disapproves, to choose the drug over them.

Anyway I don’t really know how much any of these things are the case for you or not, only you can decide that for yourself, but if you do want to detox we will do all we can to help you.

Thanks for sharing, take care and I hope we hear more from you in the future. Good luck with whatever you decide.

All the best.

[allegory]

You're still young and able to function well even while smoking, so the decision is harder for your. I'm relatively young as well, but have been smoking at varying levels for 9 years and I'm starting to realize the effects. I'm getting lazier and lazier, less and less confident.

Do you know any older the drug smokers? I do, many of my family and friends are. You can see it in their faces, in their skin, in their vocabulary, in the state of their houses, in the state of their relationships, jobs and general progress. None of them are going above and beyond what's necessary to get by. They seem happy, and functioning alright, but their attitudes and lifestyles basically haven't changed since they started smoking regularly.

I know how hard it is to detox when you really enjoy it and don't see the negative effects, but I guess I'm of the mind that you don't know how it's effecting you until you go without. Try quitting for three months and see what happens. Good luck.

[Inpatient Outpatient]

Boyfriend Smoked the drug To...

I probably know how your boyfriend feels. My boyfriend is a chronic smoker. He wanted to be around me, but always wanted his friends there, who were also chronic smokers so they can smoke, and all 3 can gang up on me and try and get me to smoke. They would talk about how I was a buz kill and stuff like that.

I tried so hard to try and get him to realize his addiction. He tells me he can't quite something he loves. He tells me its a hobby, but it's not just a hobby, its a life style now for him. He doesn't care much about our relationship and rather be with his friends then me, or when with me, try and get one of his friends over some how.

Good Job in trying to quite pot. I quite last Saturday or something.