Im so sad (parent with dope habit child involved)

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Hi there, im new on CannabisRehab.org but desperately need to get some advice.

Ive been with my partner for 15 years and there has honestly not been a single day in all that time that he hasnt smoked it.. even when we go on holiday abroad he has to sneak off to score. My main problem is that we have a 6 year old daughter (who isnt stupid) and he thinks nothing of skinning up in the kitchen while shes in the living room. He smokes it at work during the day andd then the first thing he does when he walks in at teatime is go and roll a joint and then goes back outside and smokes it before he has time to sit with our daughter or anything. Then we have the constant stream of 'visitors' that i have to explain to my daughter, which are regular and late in the night..when my daughter is again still up. It worries me that hes smoking so much and then driving me and my daughter around all the time. What would happen if he gets caught and breathelised? Would he get arrested? Plus, hes up till 4 or 5 o clock in the morning smoking it, then rolls out of bed about 1 in the afternoon (on a weekend) and the first thing he does is spark a joint up. Now if i got up and had a glass of wine as soon as i got up, id have the social services breathing down my neck for being an alcoholic and an unfit mother wouldnt i! Hes so moody, snappy and argumentative. If i try to talk to him about it he just laughs or shouts at me and tells me to stop nagging. Ive threatened to leave with our daughter but he just tells me to go ( he knows i have nowhere to go), ive asked him to leave and he just tells me to f*** off. Ive lost all respect for him and ive now lost it for myself as i am ashamed for letting my daughter live in this sort of enviroment. Im so, so sorry for rambling on.. none of my family know so i have no one to talk to about this. I just think im 30, respectable upbringing but i just feel dirty and embarressed of my partner now. I also have the awful decision to make for my daughter.. whats more detrimental to her, living without her dad or living with her dad who has this addiction? I suffer with depression and anxiety so this really doesnt help my health either. sorry.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi and welcome to the forum

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, things like this can be very difficult to advise on, I never really feel comfortable telling someone they should leave their partner, I don’t think I have done it with anybody yet, I always say only they can make that decision for their selves. But if you want my honest opinion I think this guy is taking the Michael, he knows you have nowhere else to go, knows you can’t force him out (or so he thinks) and is taking advantage of the situation.

You are absolutely right if you were to take any other recreational drug including alcohol as soon as you wake up, on a regular basis, by most standards that would probably count as a problem, there’s no reason why cannabis should be considered any different. You are right all this probably is behaviour social services would consider a problem and considering that he knows you can’t leave your home and refuses to move out when asked, I know this may sound a bit harsh but I think social services is the only way he has left you to go, I don’t think you should have to put up with this especially as he is been moody and aggressive and no it is most definitely not ok to drive your child around whilst high on drugs, this if nothing else is something you have to put a stop to right away. I think you need to have the most serious and frank talk you have ever had with him and tell him if something does not change you will be taking action, for the sake of your daughter if no one else, tell him if he carries on like he is in the home you will make sure social services intervene and if he drives with your daughter in the car whilst on drugs again you will call the police, that one is a must, I apologise for my frankness but out of all the things in this situation that is the most unacceptable. Tell him it will be the only warning he will get and if he ignores it I think you have to do it. I know this may all sound a bit harsh, but you have tried the other way and he is not prepared to give what so ever, thinking there’s nothing you can do about it, like I say I think he is really taking advantage and I don’t see why you should allow him to continue to get away with it. Don’t apologise, I have nothing but sympathy for your situation, I really do feel for you, I know what I have said at first may sound a bit drastic, but I really don’t think you have any other option.

Anyway that’s just the way I see it and I am truly sorry if I am wrong, but considering a child is involved I genuinely think I am saying the right thing, but like I say I do find things like this difficult to advise on, what do you guys think? Am I been too harsh here? I just don’t know what else she can do, it’s not that I don’t have sympathy for those of us who are hooked on this drug, I totally do, I have been there myself and I wouldn’t be running this place if I didn’t, but I think we have to make some sort of effort too, which this guy clearly is not, anyway if anyone else has any other advice please share it.

Take care, thanks for sharing and please (I know I say this every time) but in this situation especially please keep us posted on how it goes, I really do want to hear that this gets sorted, like I say I really do feel for you.