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Hi folks,

Just a quick note in regards to the moderation of the group. Sometimes if I am a bit short on time or if we get a lot of posts at once I may have to just skim the overall gist of the posts rather than reading them word for word before I approve them, also we all have a different perspective as to what is acceptable and thus there may sometimes be the odd post that gets through that you may feel is inappropriate. And while this doesn’t seem to happen very often if there is anything that anybody reads and feels is inappropriate then please feel free to either shoot me a PM or use the contact form to let me know and I will always be happy to take another look at it.

Please keep in mind however that a post does have to be quite bad or harmful to the group as a whole for us to delete it, I don’t like to be too heavy handed with that kind of moderation and try to reserve it for only when it is absolutely necessarily as generally I like people to be able to have their say and most things can be ironed out with dialogue and often we can all learn from it, that said if you feel something is inappropriate like I say please feel free to let me know and I will be happy to take another look.


All the best,

Cannabis Rehab Admin

If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!
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left my pothead bf

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  • left my pothead bf

    marijuana withdrawal symptoms relief
    hey everyone, I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years partly due to his pot smoking. I would like to share my story and would like some opinions.

    My now ex-boyfriend and I started dating at 19. From the very first date, he told me he smoked pot but that he only did it every once in a while and that it was social. I've always been against illegal drugs but decided to let it slide because I assumed he would grow out of it as we got older and because he wasn't addicted or anything.
    Well.. he didn't outgrow it and had increased his use. I would feel insulted when I came over and he was high. I felt like an inadequate girlfriend if he had to smoke pot before seeing me. It lowered my self-esteem. Why does he need to get high before he sees me? Well it just became an addiction. He later admitted he smoked pot 4 times a day everyday. I was in shock. I did so much to try to help him quit. I said how it hurted me and his mom. I said how it costs him too much money. I said how it's ruining his physical and mental health. But nothing worked. I even gave him an ultimatum in which he chose the pot over me. I was weak and got back together with him anyway.
    He spends $20 a day on pot everyday. He's in about $50,000 debt and obviously should not be spending all this money on weed.
    He was arrested for having the drug in his car. That didn't make him quit. He was almost evicted out of his apartment because his neighbors smelled the pot and reported him. That didn't stop him.
    I'm worried about his mental health. He's become vey paranoid and believes in all these conspiracy theories. He thinks the water is poisoned and the air is poisoned, for example. He became more introverted. He's tired all the time and stays in his house the whole day (he's self-employed by having an online e-bay store). I feel like all he does is sit in front of the computer and smoke pot. He also gained over 30 pounds in the 4 years we dated.
    Recently, he became really aggressive. He accused me of cheating when I didn't. He stole my cell phone because an ex-boyfriend sent me a text message. He even called my mother out of nowhere and told her he though I was cheating. One night I "annoyed" him because I just asked a question of who he was talking to and he sent me 200 text messages in an hour to piss me off. He has just gone crazy!!!! He seems very jittery and irritable. I don't know if this is due to pot or maybe perhaps he is bipolar (his mother is bipolar). Or maybe withdrawl from pot? I don't know but I broke up with him because he needs professional help and I don't want to be with someone who is mentally unstable. I have never smoked pot in my life and I am a 'good girl" attending graduate school and working part time.
    Sometimes when he's high it's like he's too calm and spaced out. I don't like it. I want a sobe boyfriend and I feel like if we ever had children they would deserve a sober father and one that is a good role model.
    It's sad that he won't admit that he has a problem. All of his friends smoke pot too so I don't think he'll ever quit. I had to leave him because I can't marry someone like this. It annoys me that he thinks there's nothing wrong in smoking pot. He even thinks it's good for him. Well, I had enough.

    I just had to vent and share my story. Also, maybe it will help anyone who's in my situation. I learned that men don't change. *sigh* It's just sad he won't ever see. I believe I made the right decision; does everyone agree?

  • #2
    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    Your story sounds all too familiar, it sounds like the classic dope use story that so many people in relationships have to go through. One of the main things with pot use for so many people is the way it can twist the mind and distort reality, especially with the deluded and paranoid beliefs, it can be really bad for anxiety and paranoia, thinking the water and air is poisoned is pretty paranoid, I know all too well about becoming paranoid and cutting yourself off from the world (running a internet business really allows you to do that, that’s what I did). It sounds like if he has inherited his mothers bipolar/mental health problem he may already have a tendency to be that way, which a mind altering drug like marijuana so often makes worse, it can be a pretty trippy drug that can allow you to create your own reality, the problem is that it isn’t always a good reality, it can very often be a pretty bad trip.

    People who use pot so often retreat to this reality and create their own little world, I know I did, they often tend to only surround themselves with others who use the drug and share their view of how wonderful it is and how much “good” it is doing them and the main conspiracy or danger we are so often completely ignorant of, is the culture and system of beliefs we have bought into and created for ourselves, which in reality is all too often the thing that is harming us the most. The reality of your boyfriends situation is that it is most likely his drug use that is the problem, rather than the water been poisoned. But once your reality becomes distorted you can’t always see the wood for the trees.

    Anyway I completely understand why you could not continue to put up with that situation, especially as he had no insight into the reality of the situation or desire to change it, unfortunately the one sort of goes with the other, I don’t think you had much chance of making him see it from your point of view and whatever the rights or wrongs of it were, because of it you were probably incompatible to say the least. It’s a real shame but I think you probably did the right thing, if a person is aware of the problem and wants to change it that’s one thing and probably deserves some understanding and support, but in your situation it doesn’t sound like you were going to make any progress or that things were likely to change and considering it was not a situation you could put up with, you probably had no other choice, it doesn’t really sound like it was the right relationship for you.

    It’s sad but that’s just the way life is sometimes, it’s like the old say goes, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Thanks for sharing your story, it might just be the wakeup call others who are in the same situation need. I wish I read more of that sort of thing and woke up before I did, but hey that’s another story.

    Take care
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

    Comment


    • #3
      thank you so much for reading and your response. It's so nice of you to help people on this message board It really helps to hear it from someone.

      He can be very manipulative-- saying how I'm making a big deal out of nothing and that I'm the one who's crazy. Drug use is the norm in his world because ALL of his friends smoke pot (and do other drugs too). I was the only one who didn't do any of that. He also doesn't have any family in this country except for his mom. And his mom doesn't do anything to help him stop smoking the pot. I know I can't change him and that if I don't accept it then I shouldn't be with him. We had a lot of other problems too and it would just not work out if we were to ever live together or get married. Leaving him was hard because we were together for 4 years but I had to do it. I havn't spoken to him in over 2 weeks and I really want to move on. I'm going to be 24 this year and want to get serious about finding a man who is right for me. I know he will never get professional help Things will only get worse for him. I saw how different he got over the past 4 years.

      That quote is really helpful too. I actually saw a bracelet with that qute on it and I might buy it.

      Once again, thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate it.

      Comment


      • #4
        That’s ok happy to help, it’s just one of those situations that is all too often extremely difficult to change, been as militantly pro marijuana as some people are becomes like their religion, sometimes it’s more like a cult, I know I was a fully paid up member, my life had to completely fall apart and become totally unbearable before I realised maybe dope was not as great as I thought it was, it’s a terrible shame sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you wake up and smell the coffee and get the motivation you need to change, like I say it’s a shame and can take quite some time for it to happen, it can be a very slow and gradual decline with a drug like marijuana, he could carry on like that for another ten or twenty years maybe longer and by the time he does realise just what a mess it’s got him in it may even be too late, it sort of has been for me, I am not the person I once was and probably never will be again. It has left lasting scars on my mind in terms of my cognitive abilities, mental health and consciousness in general. Anyway at least if someone somewhere can learn from my experience and that of the other people here without having to experience it for themselves, at least that is of some comfort.

        Anyway as much as I sympathise for your boyfriends situation and believe me I really do, he is in a destructive cycle and if you stuck with him probably would have took you down with him.

        That is a good quote, it’s become very popular these days, it’s probably one of the best pieces of advice a person can have in life.

        Thanks once again for sharing your story and for your kind words about the forum, I am sure it will be of help to others.

        All the best and take care.
        Cannabis Rehab Admin

        If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

        My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

        Comment


        • #5
          I am in such a similar situation to your post it's ridiculous. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, we have a 4 year old daughter and my love for him has been destroyed from how he treats me due to his addiction. He isn't able to spend a lot of money on it, unlike yours, but the addiction causes the same problems between us and he is completely in denial about his actions afterward, which means nothing ever changes - or will ever change. I completely agree with the fact that you have left your boyfriend as I would do the same if I had the choice, but unfortunately I'm tied due to both financial and childcare committments -- you should get out while you have the chance now before you lose that choice.

          Good luck x

          Comment


          • #6
            Cannabis Rehab Admin ,
            thanks again. At least you should be proud that you recognized what it has done to you and be proud that you are helping people on this board.
            I have shown my ex-boyfriend stories on message boards on how pot destroyed one's life and he said that he's different than them and that he won't end up like them. I know he's in denial. He also thinks I'm just trying to be controlling when, in fact, I dont want to control him but I am concerned and I love him. He thinks a good girlfriend would accept him doing that which I think is crazy! Why would I want to see him destroy his life?
            It's like you said-- people really need to hit rock bottom before they see it as a problem. However, at that point the damage is already done. Since I love him so much I don't want to see him hit rock bottom and I want to help him quit so he can live a more successful life but he won't change and he won't see my point of view.

            paw_x,
            I was reading your original post and yes, you have a similar situation as me. Its nice to hear from someone who knows what I'm going through. It's really unfair to have a partner put you through that. It's like a lose-lose situation: you don't want them smoking pot but then if they try to get sober they get angry and irritable because of the withdrawl. I would suggest family therapy if he's willing to go. I have read a lot of stories with women who are married and have children with pot users and it was like a wake up call for me-- I know that if we were to ever get married that he wouldn't quit even for his kids. Maybe you could try to compromise with him somehow? If he can't quit then maybe try to get him to cut down at least? good luck and just remember you're not alone. I completely agree with you-- dont ever feel like you're the one whos wrong.

            Comment


            • #7
              No not everybody who does use dope will necessarily have an experience like mine or the other people here, that’s the thing with dope like many other drugs everybody’s experience can be extremely different, not everybody who uses alcohol becomes an alcoholic, not everybody who uses cocaine becomes a coke addict, not everybody becomes addicted to these sort of drugs and has their life fall apart as a result, but it does happen to some and I think most of us who use these sort of drugs never think it will happen to us and sadly it can. But I think the main thing is to have insight into the way you are using these drugs and the effects they are having on you and been able to recognise the warning signs, which unfortunately many of us aren’t, this is something you know all too well, but like you say getting him to realise it is easier said than done, just like another old saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. At least you have showed him these stories and tried your best, the rest is up to him.

              Take care and thanks again for posting.
              Cannabis Rehab Admin

              If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

              My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

              Comment


              • #8
                Sorry to hear...

                Sorry to hear about the break up. I went through a break up sort of like that. I had now the ex boyfriend for almost 3 years, and he started smoking pot in small amounts, and now its turned into every day, 2 or 3 times a day. Every event, every movie, every walk to the park, he needs to be high for. Every hang out with a friend, or every day after work, he has to be high.

                After a while the only person he could hang out with sober was me, and even he didn't like that after a while. I stopped wanting to hang out with him and his friends because all they did was get high. His personality changed hardcoe! He became this horrible person. He became very mean, impatient, aggressive, had troubles problem solving and had no motivation to fix any of our problems. All these problems built up and he sat there in his cloud of fog and let the problems sail right past him. He didn't care about being with me anymore. He didn't care how he looked, dressed or smelt, he never gave me any compliments of any sort.

                The lieing went up by a lot. I lost all my trust for him a while back, before we even broke up.

                He became self centered and careless. He gained a lot of weight by not doing much of anything and eating a lot of everything.

                He got busted one day and is now in trouble with the law. He really thought I was going to stick around for that when I told him where hanging on the end of a thread about a million times, but with people like our ex bfs, it goes through one ear and out the other.

                So I left him. I tried my best. I was loyal, tried to be patient, understanding, herd what he had to say, joined in on the stoner life, and I got out of it, he never did. He wanted to stay in that place and I didn't. He had a hard time understanding that. I told him up front, your pot smoking makes me want to leave, . I told him that about 3 times and it didn't phase him and neither did leaving him.

                Anyways, it wasn't hard to get over a guy like that. I have a new boyfriend named Chris. He is a great guy. He owns two trucks, has a landscaping company, so hes very built. Hes a gentleman and respectful. He compliments me all the time, and he acutely asked me if it made me feel awkward when he does and I was like no, I just don't know how to react because my ex never did.

                Like I am a 5'5, 105 pounds, cute natural blond with blue eyes, clean of drugs, smoking and drinking, loyal, reliable, patient, peaceful and a fun person to be around. I to am a good girl. I don't have many guy friends, and just keep all of that for my bf, and my new bf loves the heck out of it. He appreciates it. I am glad I left my ex, then I wouldn't have met up with Chris. I would of still been with the bugger who didn't give a crap.

                So try and go over some traits that you like about yourself and that makes you feel good as well.

                I am happy where I am now. I have awesome family, a boyfriend that adores me, and his friends don't resent me like the last ones, and all in all, is good.

                So you will need some time, to get over him, but it helps if you make a list of all the stuff you didn't like about him, like everything! When you miss him, go through it, and it will help.

                Good job on walking away from that mess and starting your own life! It isn't easy but its well worth it!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Cannabis Rehab Admin ,
                  yes it's true not everyone ends up addicted and some people are able to function with their addictions. my ex-boyfriend, unfortunatly, was on a path of self-destruction. It became an addiction. He started the pot when he was 15 and now he's 24 and still smoking it (and a lot more of it). I think the longer you do something, the harder it is to detox (though it's still not impossible, one just has to have the desire the quit). He doesn't have any desire to detox and so I just need to find myself a boyfriend who I have more in common with. I have tried everything and like you said, you can;t mnake someone do something they don't want to do. Well, I gave him plenty of chances.


                  Nakisai,

                  Your story is also similar to mine. we even look alike, haha. I'm so happy for you that you found someone afterwards who loves you that's good to hear.
                  You and I both gave our ex's plenty of chances and we tried. We deserve men who appreciate us and are sober. It's tough when you are in a long term relationship but if you're not happy then it's time to move on. I also made up lists (and very long lists lol) of all the things I don't like in him. It does help. Thanks so much for sharing your story

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You did the right thing,

                    And never forget that it was him in the wrong not you... you shouldn't have to stick around in a crappy relationship out of guilt or sympathy

                    There comes a point where you have to remove yourself from a negative cycle, good luck to you!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      thanks hummer

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Agreed

                        Ya, its good you left that situation, and just because you left doesn't make you the bad person even though they may think that. it doesn't. Your just doing what makes you happy.

                        Good Luck!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I know, like he's gonna make me feel bad. I know he's eventually going to call, show up with tears in his eyes and get me flowers. But that won't work this time!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Wow this makes me feel so good

                            I am sooooo appreciative of your post! I am struggling right now with leaving my boyfriend. I feel like I am a normally positive woman with great self esteem, however, I feel like my bf's addiction has taken over his soul. He smokes so much its like Im not even there. And when I am there, it doesnt seem to matter.
                            I want to be with someone who shows me all of his emotions and his addiction is keeping me from seeing that. I am not insecure but his lack of interest in pretty much anything (including me) is pathetic and I can't see myself doing this anymore.
                            Also, I want to have kids and coming from a drug addict father, its the worst possible scenario in which to raise a family.
                            I whole heartedly support your tough decision. Hopefully one day our bfs will wake up and realize the wonderful beautiful intelligent women they lost!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              marijuana withdrawal symptoms relief
                              My bf is one too

                              Wow I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself! I am drowning in my relationship. My boyfriend is completely addicted, smokes all day, every day. I love him so much but I feel like Im not getting anything out of it anymore. Now that he has moved out of his parents house he is smoking with his buddies all the time. Its like whenever I come over, Im just an accessory on the couch. He is void of all emotions and I feel like he has taken away some of my self esteem. I dont want to be with him when he is high and this is a constant thing. He never wants to do ANYTHING and he is always making excuses not to go out with my friends. I feel like I have changed who I am to be with him. I am social and have alot of friends, whereas he just wants to stay home and watch family guy and get high with his other pot head friends.
                              I crave intellectual conversations and he can't even do that! So of course now I don't even want to sleep with him anymore.
                              It's pathetic that I have put up with it for so long. I need someone that is emotionally there for me.
                              You have inspired me to continue with my breakup.
                              I feel if I truly love him, I will no longer reinforce the fact that this is ok.
                              I mean, who wants a boyfriend who talks so slow, he sounds retarded?
                              Its terrible to feel single when you technically aren't.
                              Addictions are an awful thing, and I will never date someone with an addiction again.

                              Comment

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