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If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!
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day 39: scared of smoking marijuana

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  • day 39: scared of smoking marijuana

    marijuana withdrawal symptoms relief
    Hi friends,

    I've posted once when i was having very bad times with marijuana but with the help of detox department, I've managed to be clean since 39 days.

    To summarize my situation; I'm 27 years old, I've been smoking weeds since 4 years and the last 1.5 years of it, 90 percent of my time I was high.

    Since I've been clean, there has been a drastical improvement in my cognigitive abilities and my mood. Especially after the 3rd week, most of the anxiety was gone, my thinking and view of life became much clearer and saw that life is much better without weed.

    However, since a few days, time to time ı feel like smoking and seeing all these improvements, I'm very scared to record the tape to beginning. I'm living in Holland and the hardest mind game I'm having is: "You are a the drug addict, so, to handle these cravings, you may do something else /like salvia divinorum, magic mushroom, or some other fancy stuff"

    This process of thought is completely wrong, right? I mean, given that I'm addicted to weed, using another drug (like magic mushroom) will trigger the same addicted part of my brain and I will fall straight back into my addicted behavior?

    When the cravings come, I can not be sure about my thoughts and I just wanted to share them and get support

    Sincerelly,

  • #2
    Most people, if not all people who are quitting any drug, find themselves trying to enable a relapse with all kinds of excuses.The only way to not smoke is to not smoke, and deep down you know that rationalizing smoking, as you said, makes no sense.
    Other drugs like mushrooms and salvia definitely won't fulfill your marijuana cravings, they will just mess up your mind in a different way than weed. If you have had a problem with marijuana, you have been given a sign that you are predisposed to having lasting psychological effects from drug use. Getting into harder drugs, especially hallucinogens, is an atrocious idea, as doing so could likely have a permanent impact on your thought processes.

    Good luck man

    Comment


    • #3
      don't get into mushrooms, have u ever done them?

      they're strong as hell and you cannot wean yourself off the drug by using hallucingens! you will be replacing your previous problems with a new set of problems that are less predictable and more long lasting.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi again abiogenesis.

        I totally agree with what’s been said, I don’t think shrooms are a good idea, especially considering the mental health issues you have described previously, I am in a similar position and had to take similar meds to you and the more I have learnt about it the more I have discovered that drugs like this including marijuana are really not good for us. So no I definitely would not recommend shrooms, they could possibly be one of the worst possible drugs someone in our position could take.

        Stay strong, take care and please keep us posted.
        Cannabis Rehab Admin

        If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

        My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi,

          I also totally agree with what's been said. I wrote my message at the moment of my worst feelings to hear what i needed to hear: and thanks a lot.

          I've been done mushrooms a couple of times, also tried LSD twice, even mescaline once. So, I certainly know how those drugs can **** up with my mind.

          Quitting pot is like awakening from the worst nightmare of my life. It's been 40 days now, i feel much better than the first weeks but still it feel likes I will never be completely woken up from this nightmare. These "atrocious ideas" of using some stronger stuff comes when i don't feel much hope about completely recovering and i just try to find an excuse which will take me to relapse instead of having this war as You said.

          "The only way to not smoke is to not smoke and I should stay strong."

          I just wish I was in my home country(Turkey) during this period but we settled a life here in Netherlands with my wife and starting all over again in Turkey doesn't seem like a good option for now.

          But this nightmare might have an end, right?

          Greetings,

          Comment


          • #6
            When I was going through withdrawal, I was eventually forced to accept that for the time being, relying on my own judgment was simply illogical. In the back of my mind I was aware that in the state I was in, my thinking was just too warped to make any major decisions.

            If you are having symptoms similar to the ones I had, I would suggest trying to put off big decisions, such as moving, for as long as possible. When I was going through what you are right now I couldn't keep myself from reanalyzing my situation over and over again, and coming up with irrational solutions that I theorized would somehow solve everything. The logic of these solutions never made any real sense; they didn't even address the actual problem, which was that I couldn't think straight, let alone rediscover a meaningful existence.

            However, time inevitably caused my thinking to become clearer and clearer, and eventually I was able to discover real solutions. There were things I did that greatly sped up my recovery, and that even made life while I was recovering bearable. Although at the time what I was doing seemed very complicated, in hindsight what I did can basically be summed up into three basic solutions.
            The first and most immediately effective approach that I took was to physically improve my mental health as much as possible, by doing everything in my power to reduce anxiety and depression levels. I have found, in my research and through experience, that the best way to do this is to get a substantial amount of regular exercise, while avoiding chemicals (such as caffeine and nicotine) that naturally cause anxiety. Optimally, I would jog for about 35 minutes, 3-4 times a week, although I didn’t always manage to keep this up.

            I also eventually realized (about 6 months after I stopped smoking weed) that caffeine, for some reason especially in coffee, had a terrible effect on my anxiety levels. Drinking coffee in the morning caused me to be unnaturally anxious throughout the day. Once I weaned myself off of coffee I felt much, much better, and at that point I could think somewhat regularly even when I wasn’t getting regular exercise.

            Another way to reduce anxiety, if you are feeling especially bad, is to take L-Theanine capsules, although it would be illogical to use them too often. In hindsight I think that L-Theanine was instrumental in helping me through the early and middle stages, but at the end of the detox it might have impeded progress. It is hard to explain why this is, but I think it has to do with the fact that once I could relax to some extent on my own, the L-Theanine would cause me to totally zone out, which seemed to impede my natural thought processes and sometimes lead to depression.

            The second solution I took, and which might be helpful to you depending on your situation, was to try to be as open and honest with my loved ones as possible. I had been hiding my addiction from them for years, and I think a lot of my misery stemmed from this; I didn't trust anyone and I felt no one really trusted me or understood me. My previous lifestyle had caused me to develop a false identity that I was unable to break out of even after I had stopped smoking, which was very painful and stress inducing. I knew that eventually I had to start letting my guard down or I could never really be content, and at some point I realized that this would be the most difficult thing I had to do. What helped me do this the most, I believe, was having several long and emotionally difficult discussions with family members and close friends, which helped me to understand that my addiction was an artificial barrier to having real and meaningful relationships.

            The last approach that I took was to develop new interests. If all you are thinking about throughout your day is your life in a big context, it will be much harder to recover. This is especially true if you analyze your life with the preconception that you have “ruined your brain with drugs,” which is an erroneous mental trap that is unfortunately very easy to fall into. If you can start legitimately caring about something else, you will get your mind off of these things, and over time you will be much, much better off.

            Personally, I started getting very interested in literature, which was a very helpful interest, because great literature is so deep and absorbing. I would suggest some kind of activity that will get your mind off of whatever is causing you anxiety while at the same time remind you why you used to enjoy life.

            Lastly I want to add that if my situation sounds similar to yours and if the solutions that I have just outlined seem logical to you, I would suggest gradually trying to implement them rather than trying to rush into them all at once. You will not suddenly recover, although with enough exercise you might suddenly feel much, much better. Changing your thought processes is the ultimate goal, and achieving this is not nearly as simple as temporarily reducing anxiety; changing your thought processes all of a sudden is not possible. I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly understand everything that I needed to do; I gradually had realizations which led me to do these things, and over time my condition improved by doing them. It took lots of trial and error. At times my condition did not seem to be improving, and at times I was very hopeless and seemed to be getting worse. At other times I could notice it improving slowly, and there were also times when I improved in very sudden bursts.

            It is very likely that you will eventually find solutions different to the ones I undertook, as your situation is not identical to mine, but hopefully what I just described can be used as a sort of starting point. The best piece of advice I can give you is to figure out what is interfering with your ability to think clearly, and to do what is reasonable at the moment to improve. Don’t look for an instant, miraculous recovery, but take solace that it is inevitable that you will recover, and try to live as best you can on a day-to-day basis, even if this seems impossible. Over time it will all come very naturally.

            The most important thing for me at first was physically reducing my anxiety levels in the way that I described. With with the amount of anxiety I had before I did this, I couldn’t come close to thinking clearly enough to come up with real solutions. However, the other two approaches I described provided help in a way that improving mental health alone simply cannot: they restored meaning and purpose to my life, which turned out to be by far the most important thing.
            Last edited by ajh151h; 01-30-2010, 01:39 AM. Reason: spaced out paragraphs to make this readable

            Comment


            • #7
              Dear ajh151h,

              Thank You very much for your reply. It really felt very good to read from somebody who has already experienced the process which i'm going through.

              "...I couldn't keep myself from reanalyzing my situation over and over again...". This is also exactly what i'm doing. It feels like with every analysis, i will get to solution closer but it never happens as you say.

              About your first advice (exercise), that's something i should definitely start to do. We are planning to go swimming with my wife 3 times a week, though we could'nt start yet. But as reading your post and seing how similar things i'm experiencing, I will definitely give a start to exercise.

              I was also hiding my addiction even from my wife. For one year, I continuously tried to quit, struggled with my addiction all alone and eventually i told my wife that I have a very severe problem with the drug (i was smoking all day when i'm working and i was hiding it from her, then i was giving a few hours of break in the evening and then lighting up after she goes to sleep) and then we started to see a therapist in the detox department and eventually, i'm 45 days clean now.

              I'm also reading a lot since i've been clean. Actually, when i'm alone, it's always reading that i'm doing. Mostly, it's being really a relief for me.

              "At times my condition did not seem to be improving, and at times I was very hopeless and seemed to be getting worse. At other times I could notice it improving slowly, and there were also times when I improved in very sudden bursts."
              This is what i'm struggling now. In the first weeks, i observed a drastical increase in my cognigitive abilites (especially in my speaking) and after one month everthing was much clearer. However since two weeks, i've not seeing much improvement, and this is causing a ressession in my mood. I've feeling like "Ok, you are recovered and this the man that you will be".

              It has been 45 days but rehabilitation is not complete, right? i know this but i just can't feel it and as you said it feels like "i ruined my brain/personality/mood with drugs and this is what remains from my oldself

              Anyway.. I really appreciated very much Your reply and I will be updating my situation.

              Greetings,

              Comment


              • #8
                This is what i'm struggling now. In the first weeks, i observed a drastical increase in my cognigitive abilites (especially in my speaking) and after one month everthing was much clearer. However since two weeks, i've not seeing much improvement, and this is causing a ressession in my mood. I've feeling like "Ok, you are recovered and this the man that you will be".

                It has been 45 days but rehabilitation is not complete, right? i know this but i just can't feel it and as you said it feels like "i ruined my brain/personality/mood with drugs and this is what remains from my oldself
                The reason that I spent so much time writing to you is that I know how hopeless you feel, and I wish that someone had written to me in a similar way when I was going through it. It's a very painful experience, but in the long run it will only make you a stronger person.

                It could take a long time, but eventually the entire thing will be a memory; time will heal everything. It took me about eight months or so to totally get over it, but the first three months or so were by far the worst. In my opinion the key to doing it as quickly and painlessly as possible is cultivating enough self discipline to keep exercising, and avoid anxiety inducing substances that will make you extremely uncomfortable.

                I'm convinced from my experience that the worst part is coping psychologically with way you saw yourself think and act while you were addicted, not any damage you potentially did to your brain. I think that if the drug can do significant damage to the brain it only happens when someone smokes for a very, very long time. The problem that you are experiencing (from what a psychologist told me) is psychological, and it is certainly not some kind of irrevocable brain damage.

                The way psychologists explain it (I'm not saying this is all that is involved) is that when you have a certain amount of THC in your system, your subconscious stops processing things. I'd bet that you didn't have very many dreams while you were smoking, and that either you have already experienced, or are going to experience, some indescribably vivid dreams.

                Keep in mind that the specifics of what I'm telling you might not be totally accurate; you might find that something other than what I've told you about helps you more than anything else, I don't know.

                Good luck

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for that post ajh151h, once again an amazing post, you are so right, you are not always in your right mind for a good while after you quit, that is such an important point, all you guys out there who are going through a tough time don’t despair, you won’t always feel this way, it’s just part of the quitting process, listen to what this guy says he really does give some very good advice and remember brighter days are just around the corner.

                  Hang in there abiogenesis, you really are doing great, even if it does not feel that way at times, like I say it’s all part of the process, things will get better.

                  Take care all
                  Cannabis Rehab Admin

                  If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

                  My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ajh151h View Post

                    Lastly I want to add that if my situation sounds similar to yours and if the solutions that I have just outlined seem logical to you, I would suggest gradually trying to implement them rather than trying to rush into them all at once. You will not suddenly recover, although with enough exercise you might suddenly feel much, much better. Changing your thought processes* is the ultimate goal, and achieving this is not nearly as simple as temporarily reducing anxiety; changing your thought processes all of a sudden is not possible. I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly understand everything that I needed to do; I gradually had realizations which led me to do these things, and over time my condition improved by doing them. It took lots of trial and error. At times my condition did not seem to be improving, and at times I was very hopeless and seemed to be getting worse. At other times I could notice it improving slowly, and there were also times when I improved in very sudden bursts.

                    ....However, the other two approaches I described provided help in a way that improving mental health alone simply cannot: they restored meaning and purpose to my life, which turned out to be by far the most important thing.
                    I really want to emphasize these points that are highlighted in purple, as I just realized they are buried somewhat deeply in the text and that a lot of people would probably look over them if I didn't repost them separately.

                    I also want to suggest that people who really need help read my original post several times, and try to think about what I mean. I say this because the post is jammed with information, and reading it too quickly without carefully thinking about how it applies to your situation might cause you to miss out on how what I'm telling you can help you.

                    *What I mean by "changing your thought processes" is that the thought process of an addict is different from someone who isn't an addict, and that while someone is recovering from a marijuana addiction, they should try to figure out what parts of their thought process are impacting them negatively. For example, I realized that I had developed serious issues being open with people, and so I did things I thought would help me start trusting people again.

                    While I think it makes sense that the subconscious eventually corrects itself, and I experienced this, I think that an important component of rehabilitation is analyzing (once you are in a clearer state of mind) how marijuana caused your belief system to change. I know that I became extremely nihilistic (as in I stopped believing in anything), but eventually I started realizing that things are real, and although I am only perceiving them, there is truth in the world.

                    I think that nihilism and faith are extremely intertwined, and I believe that what many marijuana addicts end up experiencing can be summed up as a huge crisis of faith, in addition to whatever mental effect they are experiencing. I say this as somehow who is an agnostic, but who, because of the experience he had with marijuana dependency, now has a very good understanding of how faith is constantly impacting us psychologically.
                    Last edited by ajh151h; 02-02-2010, 02:58 AM. Reason: changed highlighting color

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Weed and Hallucinogens

                      I really caught on to what you said about being afraid of trying marijuana again mostly because you mentioned magic mushrooms and other hallucinogens.

                      An interesting story I have about the drug and mushrooms is that I sincerely believe mushrooms are what caused me to stop smoking marijuana. In fact, my stepbrother (whom I took mushrooms with) says he had such an intense trip that he is positive if it wasnt for the shrooms he would still be smoking to this day. I think in some cases mushrooms can actually help someone to detox an addictive behavior in my opinion because they cause you to take a critical and immensely reflective look at what its been doing to you and what you have done in the past. I took shrooms at around 1 in the morning (when I was incredibly tired which is NOT a good idea) shortly after smoking marijuana and I believe because I had smoked just before I tripped, and I had been smoking quite frequently in the days and weeks before I honestly felt as if I was a crackhead when I was tripping, and it caused me to feel like, man, I need to stop smoking this shit I am so tweaked! I guess the point I am trying to get at is that shrooms and other hallucinogens give you such a mind altering experience (depending on dosage and mood) that you may come out of with a completely different perspective on daily habits and addictions.

                      I just wanted to share this because in my case and my step brothers case even more so I found mushrooms to actually get me over my addiction to marijuana.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi,

                        I knew that i wasn't dreaming (or did'nt remember) when i was on the drug and i'm having all intense dreams now. Most of them are not pleasant dreams, though i like to have dreaming again.

                        I could understand what mannyfresh said about mushrooms, though, it's very clear in my case that it would remind me all about the "magical world" of the drugs to me again and just trigger my addiction.

                        I'm reading Anna Karenina from Tolstoy now and good literature seems much more magic than drugs actually. During work, I have much to do in the lab at the faculty and it keeps my mind away thinking about my addiction but it's also very stressing since i've a lot to do and i've already lost 1.5 years of my PhD to weed.

                        Anyway.. I have struggled with the drug all alone for a good amount of time and now I'm getting help from my wife, my therapist and this cannabis rehab site and these make me feel much safer

                        Thanks guys,

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hi mannyfresh and welcome to the forum.

                          That is an interesting point, there is a theory that certain types of hallucinogenic drugs can help with the treatment of addiction, which certain treatment centre clinics do practice, ibogaine is used for just this process in countries that allow it, for more info on this read the post on iboga for the treatment of addiction. It is a very controversial practice, some people think it’s just crazy quackery, others think it really works, there are however certain dangers and warnings that apply to certain groups of people, it is not recommended for people with serious mental health problems like bipolar disorder, these types of drugs have been linked to triggering mental health problems and or making them worse for people who already have them, these type of drugs have been linked to really screwing with some people’s heads, there are people like poor old Peter Green from Fleetwood Mac who in the words of one of his fellow band members dropped a couple of tabs of acid and never came back, there are those who perhaps have a certain vulnerability for who these drugs can do serious damage, which is why given the nature of the problems abiogenesis has described in his other posts, I am really not sure it would be a good idea for him. Drug’s like ibogaine are becoming increasingly popular in a sort of underground type way, like I say you usually have to go to a country that allows it, for the treatment of really seriously addictions like heroin and I am by no means poo booing it, there may be something in it, like I said in the other post on CannabisRehab.org about it, maybe for an addiction as powerful as heroin addiction it may be worth the risk, but although I do consider marijuana addiction as a serious problem for some, I wouldn’t have set this place up if I didn’t, I am still not sure if it’s a powerful enough addiction to justify the risk, especially for somebody prone to mental health problems, I speak from experience unfortunately I fall into that group of people too, which is probably why marijuana did as much damage to me as it did. I think you can probably quit something like marijuana without having to do something like that and been as it’s probably the lower risk option, you should probably try to do so if you can.

                          The other thing in regards to abiogenesis’s case, he wasn’t proposing using it just the once in the hope it would cure his addiction, under careful clinical supervision, he was talking about using them recreationally for however many times, which each time taken would increase the risk of suffering serious side effects more and more. So like I say there’s probably a big difference in taking it the once in a carefully supervised clinical environment and taking them time and time again outside that environment just for fun. A bit like having an aesthetic drug when you are treated in a hospital, compared to quaffing ketamine at home just for fun. Anyway that’s why I advised what I advised, that’s just my take on it, what say you?

                          Keep up the great work abiogenesis I think you are doing really well, hang in there I am sure you can do it.

                          Take care all.
                          Cannabis Rehab Admin

                          If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

                          My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by abiogenesis View Post
                            Hi,

                            I knew that i wasn't dreaming (or did'nt remember) when i was on the drug and i'm having all intense dreams now. Most of them are not pleasant dreams, though i like to have dreaming again.

                            I could understand what mannyfresh said about mushrooms, though, it's very clear in my case that it would remind me all about the "magical world" of the drugs to me again and just trigger my addiction.

                            I'm reading Anna Karenina from Tolstoy now and good literature seems much more magic than drugs actually. During work, I have much to do in the lab at the faculty and it keeps my mind away thinking about my addiction but it's also very stressing since i've a lot to do and i've already lost 1.5 years of my PhD to weed.

                            Anyway.. I have struggled with the drug all alone for a good amount of time and now I'm getting help from my wife, my therapist and this cannabis rehab site and these make me feel much safer

                            Thanks guys,
                            I too struggled with the drug alone in the past, but this cannabis rehab site has been a god-send and has really helped me quit!

                            also, if you're into your classic literature and the Russians... have you read any Dostoevsky??? crime and punishment is unbelievably great, as are all his novels!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              marijuana withdrawal symptoms relief
                              I've read crime and punishment just before Anna Karenina I used to read a lot before my the drug history but mostly about philosophy and science-fiction, not much novels. Anyway, it's good to see that i can fulfill and appreciate my clean times . Regards.

                              Comment

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