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I stumbled upon this website, and I feel that I have to share my story not only to help myself, but to possibly help others. I'm in high school, and I will openly admit that I have smoked the drug before. In the small town school that I go too, it's almost impossible to find someone who hasn't. My occasional smoking habits are not what is making me write this. It's the pain my boyfriend caused me because of his severe smoking habits. Before we dated, we had been good acquaintances, we had many of the same friends and we were always friendly towards each other. This past summer we started to build our own friendship, and within a month our friendship had blossomed to a loving relationship. I was his first girlfriend, his first kiss and though he was neither of those things to me, he was the first person I ever truely opened up too and loved. He had openly admitted to me his love for marijuana, how he had been expelled from school for it but since he truely is not a bad kid he just smokes a whole lot of weed, they had let him back in. At the time, I overlooked these habits because I saw more out of him, and I thought it would be kind of fun to date somebody as mellowed and relaxed as him. As I got to know my boyfriend, I fell very very in love with him and at a very fast speed too. Some may call it puppy love, but I am certain that it was the real deal. But as my love grew for him, so did my weariness towards his smoking habits. Though he does not do irrational things when he is high, I noticed how he lacked motivation and rarely thought of the consequences to any of his actions. Even though we are young, we are at the age where we begin to plan our futures, and he started to get the idea that our futures would include each other. At first I thought this was a foolish idea, but then I realized, I couldn't picture my life without him. I know what you're thinking. Everyone has this kind of love, I am a fool and I am young. I may be those things, but my boyfriend was so wonderful, I overlooked all of his negatives and was ready to be content with him.
As time went on, I realized that my boyfriend's habits were slowly becoming more and more noticeable to me. I would only smoke once a month, but my boyfriend would smoke once a day unless we were hanging out. I convinced myself that if we each put the drug aside when we were together our relationship would be good. I knew that drugs could become a problem and I wanted nothing to get in between us. But it didn't take me long to realize that it would be the very thing that got between us.
Situations that would seem small began to bother me. He would come to school high(though as mentioned before, he had been expelled for it), call me high, forget to call me because he was so high. I began to mention that I was beginning to get slightly annoyed with him when he was high, and he took it to the extreme and said he would try to quit. I don't know if any of you have ever dated an addict of anything, but it is almost impossible to detox something immediatly, and within a week, my boyfriend was already smoking again. Though I hadn't been the one to bring up quitting, I was upset he hadn't kept his promise. But he continued to justify it. "You knew before we dated about my addiction, if I were to change it would ruin our whole relationship because I would not be the person you fell in love with." and stupid me, I believed him. I brushed the whole event off my shoulder and focused on the positives of our relationship.
Two events that happened simotaniously changed my complete outlook on our relationship. When I started going to my boyfriends house more and more, I realized why my boyfriend didn't think smoking was bad. This was because his mother was surprisingly ok with his smoking habits. She thought nothing bad of marijuana and was okay with my boyfriend smoking the drug as much as he did. She cared so less about his marijuana habits, that she even allowed him to grow the drug in the house. This fact was hidden from me, because my boyfriend knew that I would worry about him and dissapprove. I found out by someone who had heard about it and believed it was a rumor. I was freaked out. Not only had he been growing the drug in his basement but he had been lying to me about it. I was hurt, but mostly worried that he would get caught. I quickly confronted him, and he immediatly blew up and became defensive. I was upset, and told him he would likely be caught. He never thought about how this could affect his family. I know that being young makes you irresponsible, but his mother being this irresponsible as well? I was scared for my boyfriend, but he never stopped growing the drug and to this day the plant is still there.
The second event that made me upset, was finding out that his little 13 year old brother smokes weed, almost as much as he does. My boyfriend, who is 17is obviously going to be a role model to his brother. But my boyfriend now scared me, because he was not looking out for his little brother. This may be far-fetched, but I know that in the future if my boyfriend and I had children, my children may look to him as an example. What kind of an example is that?
As I mentioned in the beginning of this thread, my school is filled with pot heads. But my boyfriend had taken being a pot head to a whole new level. He has made it his life. As our relationship continued, he started to feel safe that I would never have the courage to break up with him. He would forget to call me and go smoke, he would come to hang out with me high, he stopped hanging out with his friends who didn't smoke and replaced them with friends who did. He turned me off to the drug completely. I realized how much it affects you, and more importantly, the people you love. Some people believe these effects are positive. I understand not wanting to deal with the worries of life, and wanting to be carefree and happy constantly. I understand that marijuana allows you to create your own reality. But marijuana makes you selfish. When someone smokes weed, they enter their own world, and they forget about the people who care about them. They forget about how cruel life is, and how we all must be a bit motivated so that we can be successful. I don't understand how people marry stoners, and I've realized I don't want to be that person.
It is foolish of me to believe I will marry someone I have fallen in love with while I am young. But I know many people who do. I wanted to enter my own reality, a reality my boyfriend helped me create. But since I am not a stoner, I understand that there is only one true reality, and that is one I have no control over. My boyfriend no longer sees limits, my boyfriend is positive that everything is possible. There is nothing wrong with this thought, but he also doesn't believe you have to work for anything. The people you love the most are the people you should be able to sacrifice for, the people you shouldn't have to mind working for. Last night, I broke up with my boyfriend while he was high. I heard from a mutual friend that he doesn't even remember the event happening. I still love him, I am sure I always will. But I deserve much better, and I am young, and life is too short. I want to find somebody to appreciate me, and I know now that I am capable of doing this.
As time went on, I realized that my boyfriend's habits were slowly becoming more and more noticeable to me. I would only smoke once a month, but my boyfriend would smoke once a day unless we were hanging out. I convinced myself that if we each put the drug aside when we were together our relationship would be good. I knew that drugs could become a problem and I wanted nothing to get in between us. But it didn't take me long to realize that it would be the very thing that got between us.
Situations that would seem small began to bother me. He would come to school high(though as mentioned before, he had been expelled for it), call me high, forget to call me because he was so high. I began to mention that I was beginning to get slightly annoyed with him when he was high, and he took it to the extreme and said he would try to quit. I don't know if any of you have ever dated an addict of anything, but it is almost impossible to detox something immediatly, and within a week, my boyfriend was already smoking again. Though I hadn't been the one to bring up quitting, I was upset he hadn't kept his promise. But he continued to justify it. "You knew before we dated about my addiction, if I were to change it would ruin our whole relationship because I would not be the person you fell in love with." and stupid me, I believed him. I brushed the whole event off my shoulder and focused on the positives of our relationship.
Two events that happened simotaniously changed my complete outlook on our relationship. When I started going to my boyfriends house more and more, I realized why my boyfriend didn't think smoking was bad. This was because his mother was surprisingly ok with his smoking habits. She thought nothing bad of marijuana and was okay with my boyfriend smoking the drug as much as he did. She cared so less about his marijuana habits, that she even allowed him to grow the drug in the house. This fact was hidden from me, because my boyfriend knew that I would worry about him and dissapprove. I found out by someone who had heard about it and believed it was a rumor. I was freaked out. Not only had he been growing the drug in his basement but he had been lying to me about it. I was hurt, but mostly worried that he would get caught. I quickly confronted him, and he immediatly blew up and became defensive. I was upset, and told him he would likely be caught. He never thought about how this could affect his family. I know that being young makes you irresponsible, but his mother being this irresponsible as well? I was scared for my boyfriend, but he never stopped growing the drug and to this day the plant is still there.
The second event that made me upset, was finding out that his little 13 year old brother smokes weed, almost as much as he does. My boyfriend, who is 17is obviously going to be a role model to his brother. But my boyfriend now scared me, because he was not looking out for his little brother. This may be far-fetched, but I know that in the future if my boyfriend and I had children, my children may look to him as an example. What kind of an example is that?
As I mentioned in the beginning of this thread, my school is filled with pot heads. But my boyfriend had taken being a pot head to a whole new level. He has made it his life. As our relationship continued, he started to feel safe that I would never have the courage to break up with him. He would forget to call me and go smoke, he would come to hang out with me high, he stopped hanging out with his friends who didn't smoke and replaced them with friends who did. He turned me off to the drug completely. I realized how much it affects you, and more importantly, the people you love. Some people believe these effects are positive. I understand not wanting to deal with the worries of life, and wanting to be carefree and happy constantly. I understand that marijuana allows you to create your own reality. But marijuana makes you selfish. When someone smokes weed, they enter their own world, and they forget about the people who care about them. They forget about how cruel life is, and how we all must be a bit motivated so that we can be successful. I don't understand how people marry stoners, and I've realized I don't want to be that person.
It is foolish of me to believe I will marry someone I have fallen in love with while I am young. But I know many people who do. I wanted to enter my own reality, a reality my boyfriend helped me create. But since I am not a stoner, I understand that there is only one true reality, and that is one I have no control over. My boyfriend no longer sees limits, my boyfriend is positive that everything is possible. There is nothing wrong with this thought, but he also doesn't believe you have to work for anything. The people you love the most are the people you should be able to sacrifice for, the people you shouldn't have to mind working for. Last night, I broke up with my boyfriend while he was high. I heard from a mutual friend that he doesn't even remember the event happening. I still love him, I am sure I always will. But I deserve much better, and I am young, and life is too short. I want to find somebody to appreciate me, and I know now that I am capable of doing this.
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