Hi. I wanted to say thanks for CannabisRehab.org and the honesty people have shown in trying to kick the habit.
I've been smoking about 2 strong skunk joints a night for about five years. It used to be just at weekends but the weekends just got longer. I know this amount isn't as much as some people are used to but it has seriously messed my life up. I'm just about holding onto my career (I'm self employed, so no boss to fire me when I don't show up). I'm a professional person and my reputation must now be quite shot after the number of people I've let down. How I still get new business I don't know. With one or two exceptions, my friends are non smokers. I say friends, most of them I have avoided for ages, preferring to live a secret life, nobody at all knowing that the reason I don't answer the phone is that I'm stoned and can't speak after about 6pm. It's been lonely but still I'd roll up and smoke every night. Sometimes I could function the next day, others I'd make excuses, stay in bed getting more and more anxious until smoke time. I knew the pattern and downward spiral, but still I continued, not having the physical or emotional energy to change.
I would just get so stoned I was numb and sat in front of the computer or TV. I managed somehow to stumble on this cannabis rehab site a few months back, and I made a point of returning frequently when I was so stoned I was barely conscious. I'm being genuine here, but my life had become so withdrawn and isolated, it was the only source of hope I had. I wanted to tell colleagues, family and friends how bad things had become, but the fear of being judged (made worse of course with the paranoia) was too much. It's also worth mentioning that I finished a long term relationship and haven't even bothered to think of starting another; not that I'd know how to go about it anyway now.
Anyway, I'm on day 12 cannabis free now. You probably all know the crap feelings I've had going cold turkey so I won't go into it. I still feel like I've no energy and have the odd panic attack and I've also had to cancel most of my work commitments. I truly hope this is going to change. On the up side, last few days I've had the warmest conversations I can remember for years. I'm starting to remember things and I'm feeling a bit more pride in myself (living a secret, skunk dependent life made me feel like a fraud when I was talking to people). Natural emotions seem to be coming back aswell...not all good, but at least I don't feel like a zombie, out of control and looking at my life like an outside observer.
I didn't really mean to write so much, I just wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE who has written on here, I genuinely wouldn't have got this far without you.
Finally, a note to other professionals if like me you've stumbled upon this forum. If you're a lawyer, doctor, nurse, teacher, etc, you're maybe going through that same secretive stage I've been at for the last few years. I won't insult your intelligence by saying it's all hunky dory, but there is HOPE. Keep reading, keep coming to have a look on here. For me, sometimes it's like a private hug by understanding people going through the same crap.
I'd be happy to write more if it can help anyone else. Cheers everyone.
I've been smoking about 2 strong skunk joints a night for about five years. It used to be just at weekends but the weekends just got longer. I know this amount isn't as much as some people are used to but it has seriously messed my life up. I'm just about holding onto my career (I'm self employed, so no boss to fire me when I don't show up). I'm a professional person and my reputation must now be quite shot after the number of people I've let down. How I still get new business I don't know. With one or two exceptions, my friends are non smokers. I say friends, most of them I have avoided for ages, preferring to live a secret life, nobody at all knowing that the reason I don't answer the phone is that I'm stoned and can't speak after about 6pm. It's been lonely but still I'd roll up and smoke every night. Sometimes I could function the next day, others I'd make excuses, stay in bed getting more and more anxious until smoke time. I knew the pattern and downward spiral, but still I continued, not having the physical or emotional energy to change.
I would just get so stoned I was numb and sat in front of the computer or TV. I managed somehow to stumble on this cannabis rehab site a few months back, and I made a point of returning frequently when I was so stoned I was barely conscious. I'm being genuine here, but my life had become so withdrawn and isolated, it was the only source of hope I had. I wanted to tell colleagues, family and friends how bad things had become, but the fear of being judged (made worse of course with the paranoia) was too much. It's also worth mentioning that I finished a long term relationship and haven't even bothered to think of starting another; not that I'd know how to go about it anyway now.
Anyway, I'm on day 12 cannabis free now. You probably all know the crap feelings I've had going cold turkey so I won't go into it. I still feel like I've no energy and have the odd panic attack and I've also had to cancel most of my work commitments. I truly hope this is going to change. On the up side, last few days I've had the warmest conversations I can remember for years. I'm starting to remember things and I'm feeling a bit more pride in myself (living a secret, skunk dependent life made me feel like a fraud when I was talking to people). Natural emotions seem to be coming back aswell...not all good, but at least I don't feel like a zombie, out of control and looking at my life like an outside observer.
I didn't really mean to write so much, I just wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE who has written on here, I genuinely wouldn't have got this far without you.
Finally, a note to other professionals if like me you've stumbled upon this forum. If you're a lawyer, doctor, nurse, teacher, etc, you're maybe going through that same secretive stage I've been at for the last few years. I won't insult your intelligence by saying it's all hunky dory, but there is HOPE. Keep reading, keep coming to have a look on here. For me, sometimes it's like a private hug by understanding people going through the same crap.
I'd be happy to write more if it can help anyone else. Cheers everyone.
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