Secret life of skunk addiction

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Hi. I wanted to say thanks for CannabisRehab.org and the honesty people have shown in trying to kick the habit.

I've been smoking about 2 strong skunk joints a night for about five years. It used to be just at weekends but the weekends just got longer. I know this amount isn't as much as some people are used to but it has seriously messed my life up. I'm just about holding onto my career (I'm self employed, so no boss to fire me when I don't show up). I'm a professional person and my reputation must now be quite shot after the number of people I've let down. How I still get new business I don't know. With one or two exceptions, my friends are non smokers. I say friends, most of them I have avoided for ages, preferring to live a secret life, nobody at all knowing that the reason I don't answer the phone is that I'm stoned and can't speak after about 6pm. It's been lonely but still I'd roll up and smoke every night. Sometimes I could function the next day, others I'd make excuses, stay in bed getting more and more anxious until smoke time. I knew the pattern and downward spiral, but still I continued, not having the physical or emotional energy to change.

I would just get so stoned I was numb and sat in front of the computer or TV. I managed somehow to stumble on this cannabis rehab site a few months back, and I made a point of returning frequently when I was so stoned I was barely conscious. I'm being genuine here, but my life had become so withdrawn and isolated, it was the only source of hope I had. I wanted to tell colleagues, family and friends how bad things had become, but the fear of being judged (made worse of course with the paranoia) was too much. It's also worth mentioning that I finished a long term relationship and haven't even bothered to think of starting another; not that I'd know how to go about it anyway now.

Anyway, I'm on day 12 cannabis free now. You probably all know the crap feelings I've had going cold turkey so I won't go into it. I still feel like I've no energy and have the odd panic attack and I've also had to cancel most of my work commitments. I truly hope this is going to change. On the up side, last few days I've had the warmest conversations I can remember for years. I'm starting to remember things and I'm feeling a bit more pride in myself (living a secret, skunk dependent life made me feel like a fraud when I was talking to people). Natural emotions seem to be coming back aswell...not all good, but at least I don't feel like a zombie, out of control and looking at my life like an outside observer.

I didn't really mean to write so much, I just wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE who has written on here, I genuinely wouldn't have got this far without you.

Finally, a note to other professionals if like me you've stumbled upon this forum. If you're a lawyer, doctor, nurse, teacher, etc, you're maybe going through that same secretive stage I've been at for the last few years. I won't insult your intelligence by saying it's all hunky dory, but there is HOPE. Keep reading, keep coming to have a look on here. For me, sometimes it's like a private hug by understanding people going through the same crap.

I'd be happy to write more if it can help anyone else. Cheers everyone.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

We all use different amounts as a result of our habit and while the amount you are using is probably not as much as I myself or a lot others here have done, it’s not just the amount you are using but also the way in which you are using it and how habit like your use is, if you consider it to be a problem then that’s enough of a reason to want to give up and it sounds like you have got some pretty good other reasons to want to do so.

I too became very withdrawn and isolated and experienced the anxiety and paranoia, I know exactly what you mean, even if you are not smoking a huge amount the drug really doesn’t agree with some people.

Congratulations on your decision to detox and the start you have made, 12 days in is still early days but a great start, there can be the odd panic attack and anxiety, but it is often all part of the process and things that should pass.

Thanks for sharing your experience I am sure it will be of help to others, hang in there and stay strong, I am sure you can do it, please keep us posted on how it goes.

[Finding my Center]

Hi thanks for posting your story, I can relate to it so much.
I have been addicted to marijuana for the past 16 years and like yourself I have also kept my addiction from my family and most of my friends.
I was too ashamed to tell them I had a problem although I have known myself for years. I am a student and nobody at university knows about my problem, again too ashamed. I have been sober now for 13 days and I have struggled but I am determined. I agree with you that this cannabis rehab site is a Godsend.

I wish you the best of luck, keep us updated on your progress.

Together we can do it.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Thanks for those messages of support, it's really appreciated. Cath, I think the benefits even now of two weeks without are that I feel more confident with friends...hopefully you'll feel less ashamed too (even though you have nothing to be ashamed of). Your friends are probably drinking alcohol, which fortunately for them is legal. It's still a drug though, so the lesson for me is that it doesn't make cannabis any better or worse, just that lots more people than we think rely on some kind of substance. It just so happens that society tends to accept one form but not another. I had to realise that society's whims did not make me a bad person; not to justify my habit, but to help me feel better about myself which ultimately has helped me quit.

Thanks again for your message of support, particularly when you're going through the same battle right now. Hang on in there, the fog is lifting for me and I'm even rediscovering my sense of humour (though you wouldn't know it from my ramblings!)...that really helps! My only worry is that I'm still physically drained and need to nap during the day. I'm not sure if I have a cold or something but I hope it improves soon.

It'd be good to hear how you're getting on as you seem to be at the same kind of stage. Take care.