Help my partner is addicted to cannabis

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

My partner and the father of my two kids has been smoking cannabis for over 20 years and to be honest it never really bothered me too much as it seemed to keep him calm but last week my house was raided last week and he was arrested with 200 euro's worth and my children had to see this and my nerves are still at me over it, I am so ashamed that I ever left him do it, he was not selling it or anything like that but smoking 150 to 200 euro worth a week but know the children and the whole neighbourhood know which has caused great destress so I have given him an ultimatem that he has to give up or go, he has stopped smoking it at home in back etc but sneaks off to his friends twice a day for several hours, says he is not smoking it but I know by looking at him that he is, what should I do, how can I help him , I feel bad for forcing him but I can't put my children at risk.
, I don't want to throw him out but can't allow it around my children, he has tried to give up in the past but has had severe mood swings, he also suffers from depression and has'nt worked in ten years which I think is because of the weed, your probably wondering why I am still with him and I wonder that everyday myself, please if anyone has advice I'd really appreciate it, I am at my wit's end

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

First of all can I just say how sorry I am to hear about your situation, it must have been horrible to have to have been through that. I must admit I am not entirely sure what you should do, it is a very difficult situation to deal with. Except in the most extreme cases I never usually say whether somebody should leave or kick out their partner, I think that’s a decision that they can only really make for their selves. But I think there is definitely stuff that needs addressing, it does sound like he is still using, the fact that he all of a sudden likes to go around his friends house for hours at a time is definitely a bit too much of a coincidence and although I know that this will prevent a situation like the one that has just happened, it doesn’t sound like a situation that you are happy with. I think as always the best thing you can do is talk with him, let him know that you know he is still using and try to at least establish a honest communication about what is actually going on in that respect, then you need to discuss with him now that you know the truth whether he genuinely wants to detox or not, this is the next issue you need to deal with, if he admits what he is doing and he agrees that he genuinely wants to detox then that will be something and a good start from which to proceed.

Anyway that’s what I would probably do first.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

thanks

Thanks for your advice, I have spoke to him and he is still using, says he needs to ween himself off but will not buy it is just having a smoke at friends, I've told him that he has to detox completley and really soon and that it is never allowed in our house again, I understand that he may have to ween himself for a few days but after that it has to stop, at least we spoke about it and he knows where he stands and what I want so hopefully time will tell and if not I will have to reassess the situation, there will be no more chances after this, I feel bad to have to practically force him to detox but I have to think of the kids, he says he wants to detox aswell and maybe go to college and retrain, he used to have a good job and was in a bad car crash and badly injured his back and legs and have to give up work and then got stuck in a rut hanging around all day smoking so hopefully some good will come out if this and he will be "normal" again as the drug has changes him into a lazy unsociable person. Thanks for listening

[Vixsin]

First, I have to say that you have come to the right place! The people here are so supportive, while we may not TELL you what you should do, we WILL help you through whatever decisions you make. All the help in the world is out there, all you have to do is ask for it.

The only piece of advice that I can offer you is to stick to your guns. Stick to what you say to your boyfriend even if it DOES mean that you will have to kick him out. Don't let it slide. You are the voice for your children.

I'm glad that you are talking with one another. That can only help. Be aware that addiction makes you do horrible things, like lie to the ones you love. You are off on the right track, that's for sure. Stick with it and don't doubt yourself. If you feel in your heart that it's better for your kids, chances are, you're 100% right!

I wish you strength and determiniation. Keep posting here, we're all here to help!!