I Just Want To Be Free from drugs

[bearrusty1]

I've made some really unwise choices this week because I decided to use just a little pot to celebrate my completing grad. school and that one time has turned into a week long run. I know that with all of the NA literature, spiritual literature and my commom sense, that I should know better. I just feel so empty at times, and living alone without wife or kids or something to ground me, makes it easy for me to drift into my old addictive patterns for imagined comfort. I am gay by the way, so I guess we can leave wife and kids out the picture huh ? However, the story is always the same, I roll that first joint, feel discomfort/guilt for relapsing and yet once I purchase a bag no matter how little, I just can't seem to throw it away til its finished. It's like I'm in a trance and the drug takes all my motivation and energy and yet while I have it I just want to be a vegetable and smoke. I know that diligently practicing the steps, praying and keeping my life filled with life affirming activities is the key to succees but sometimes it's hard to stick to these principles. I'm not going to have a pity party for myself because I know what I must do and that is get right back on the horse. I just truly want to be free of addiction and take charge of my life again. I know I have to be clean for potential internships/jobs that I want to apply for and put this degree to use. Furthermore, I don't want to enter this new chapter of my life (completeing my masters) with the same old problems. Life experience has taught me that I will never be able to have a fulfiling life until I can conquer these demons and I will continue to fight to obtain true freedom. In summary, I JUST WANT TO BE FREE !

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi bearrusty1 and welcome to the forum.

It is tough and most of us here probably feel the need to turn to using when we need to cheer ourselves up, I am sure you are not alone there, but it’s a very short term fix that usually leaves us feeling worse in the long term, which can be a very vicious cycle endlessly seeking the next fix to patch up the downer we feel at the time, while digging ourselves deeper and deeper into the hole we are in long term. Sooner or later you just have to break the cycle, which can involve a bit of pain short term but usually creates a brighter long term future. Anyway to do this will take a very strong and positive mental attitude, but you can do it. You will conquer these demons, you will get there in the end. I am glad your faith helps you, keep hold of it, I am sure it will be a great help and like you say that combined with filling your life with other positive activities will really help to get you through, it’s only the positive that can change the negative. So hang in there mate I am sure you can do it and we will be here for you and with you every step of the way.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted on how it goes.

All the best and good luck!

[bearrusty1]

Thank you Rehab Admin for your insightful shared wisdom. Your well rounded knowledge of the effects of smoking pot and the encouragement/advice/counsel you give to others is truly priceless. Thanks for the open invitation to share on CannabisRehab.org and thanks for being here to listen.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

No problem, you are most welcome, getting feedback like that makes it all worthwhile, you are very kind thank you.

Take care