help and advise needed - weed smoking partner

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

hi
i am looking for help and advise about my oartner who has smoked the drug since he was 14 and is now 28.
he has to have it everyday and has done since he started.
we have been together for 3 years now but i have noticed things with him has got a lot worse as time goes by. he is snappy stressed and so forgetful. it is driving us apart we have a 1 and a half year old daughter who is being caught up in it all as well.
when he doesnt have the drug he turns into a monster he is aggresive violent and smashes our house up.
i have left him a few times due to it but he never changes and is in cinvinced the drug is not the issues but i have been making a note of the dates of the argumnets and they all tally up with the days he has no weed.
i am at the end of teh road as to know what to do i loven him so much but i can not go on like this as it is like living with a ticking time bomb i dont know when he is going to go off next.
what do i do as i cant get him to get help as he thinks nothing is wrong and he doenst think he has lost his memory. everyone else can see it but him
please help
thanks

[MB73]

Hi and welcome to the rehab group – sorry to read about your predicament it sounds awful.

Not sure I can offer any clear cut advice on your situation that will definitely work, but I can certainly speak from the experience of going through a similar thing as your boyfriend is. I recently split up with my partner, I was using the drug heavily and although this wasn’t the direct reason for the split, it was mostly due to my behaviour as a cannabis addict. I was certainly more interested in getting high than spending quality time with her and although I never got violent, I was certainly no fun to be around when I didn’t have any the drug – I ruined holidays and picked fights.

The sad thing is, I really don’t think there is anything she could have said to me when we were together that would have made me give up. It was only after our relationship ended that I took a long hard look at myself and came to the decision on my own. That I’m afraid is the key, your partner has to decide for himself. Just about every testimony on here will tell you the same story.

So I’m not sure what is best to do to help him arrive at this decision. Maybe encourage him to read up on cannabis addiction or watch one of he numerous documentaries on the matter, maybe get him to think how much it is costing him or possibly get one of his close friends or family to speak to him about it and the effect it is having on you and your child. Another alternative would be to get a bit more serious about leaving if his behaviour continues.

I know that probably isn’t a great deal of use but hopefully there’s something I’ve said there that will help. The good news is if he does decide to give up it’s not as difficult to detox as harder drugs or alcohol and with a lot of support and understanding he could be over the worst of the detox symptoms in month or so.

I wish you the best of luck – tread carefully and remember ultimately the decision to change will have to come from him.

Cheers

Mark

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi unregistered guest and welcome to the forum.

I too am incredibly sorry to hear about what you are going through, mb73 is right it does have to be him that realises that there is a problem, however that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things you can do to help him to do so, although if the softly softly approach does not work then ultimately you may have to give him an ultimatum and maybe even leave him before he realises just what his habit is costing him and has the motivation to finally do something about it, assuming that would be enough, perhaps it won’t perhaps he will have to get so bad that his brain almost ceases to work altogether before he wakes up and smells the coffee I know I did, unfortunately I had to get myself into a really bad state, but I would not recommend that, the more harm he does the less he may recover, it has left me with lasting damage, it goes without saying the sooner you stop the better. Anyway I am not telling you to leave him, only you can decide whether you want to stay with him or not, that’s a personal decision that everyone has to and can only make for themselves, I am just saying what the nature of the situation may be. Unfortunately the position you are in is one of the most frustrating positions a person can be in and again it’s up to you to decide how much you are prepared to tolerate and take, personally though I would draw the line at violence, aggression and smashing things up, to me it seems like there is behaviour that is unacceptable especially as there is a young child living with you too, IMO something needs to done and like I say the softly softly approach may not work, not that I think you should rant and rave either, no like I say it may require other types of actions before he realises how serious the situation is, the way I see it you respond with as much action as it requires, no more no less, perhaps at this stage the softer intervention type action may still be worth pursuing, but you will need support from others, you say everyone else can see it apart from him, then personally I think you need the support of these others too, I think you are going to need it, is there anybody else who will support you in this that he may listen to? Perhaps you could organise some kind of intervention. Anyway I think this is a situation where there is strength in numbers.

I too don’t think the pattern between him getting aggressive when he has no the drug is a coincidence, that’s something that many people who are hooked on the drug experience, many of us here can identify with that, people who are hooked on the drug can really freak out in that situation, it’s a sure sign of your the drug use been a problem.

I can’t really think of anything else to advise at this stage, but as I say I don’t think that this situation is acceptable and the one thing that you should probably make yourself certain of at this stage, is that you are going to resolve it one way or another, you really should not have to be putting up with this.

I hope that may have been of some help, my heart goes out to you it really does, please lean on us as much as you feel you need to, I think it’s as important to support the partners and family of people who are affected by this as much as the users, any time you have a question or feel you need to get something off your chest, we will try to be here for you as much as we can.

Take care, thanks for sharing your story with us and please keep us posted on how it goes.

All the best and good luck.