I need support and encouraging words!

[forever quitting]

HI there

I first posted on here last October during one of my many attempts at quitting the drug - see under Stopping smoking the drug is sooooooo hard.

I have stopped again - one week and counting but want to ensure this is the last time as I cant go through the detox again. There doesn't seem to be any help in my area for quitting, only my friends for support but even then I still feel like they think "here we go again" and they dont believe that i will stop. It is so much easier to deal with life when i am smoking - to a point, but i suffer from really bad depression at times and my life is so up and down. I dont want to be a depressed person forever and I want to be able to enjoy life like a normal person would and deal with the ups and downs. CannabisRehab.org is great and is my lifeline at the moment - it is good to see that i am not the only one going through this. I would like to correspond with people who are quitting also as i need to feel like i have support from someone going through the same feelings and anxiety that i am.

[Detox Me]

Hey forever qutting, I now what your going through I quit 9 months ago but my addiction is very related to depression. I think its a lot harder to detox when you are depressed. have you tried goin to a psichiatrist? I recomend it cause the depression probably will get worse when you quit for a while and that might be whats pulling you back into pot.. a least that is my exprience.
Remember pot heals depression in the short term but I believe it makes it worse in the long term. Keep trying even if you fall back one hundred times maybe its the one hundredth and one time that will make the diference. try taking a vacation or doing something out of the ordinary I did this hiking trip when I was sober for a month and it really helped me a lot to meditate during that time.

So whatever works is what you gotta do. Ill pray for you!

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi forever quitting and welcome back.

Yes there are many of us here who suffer with depression I still do myself at times, but with the help of medication it’s relatively under control, I am so much better than I once was. I don’t know whether your depression is a result of using or quitting drugs, in which case it should pass naturally in time if you go long enough without using, or whether it’s an underlying problem which may need treating in its own right, how long have you suffered with it? Have you had any treatment? Ect. Perhaps you could give us a bit more information on its history and what you think may be involved, that said even if your drug use isn’t the root cause it can often make it a fair bit worse especially in the long term, that goes for the anxiety too, so I think that quitting will probably be a good decision all round.

Anyway it’s good to hear from you again, as long as you want to detox you will always be welcome, it’s the kind of thing that we don’t necessarily achieve the first time. We will be here any time you need us, no matter how many times it takes, but we will do all we can to help make sure it’s the last time.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted.

[forever quitting]

Thanks for the kind words

Hi there

Below I have posted the previous posts that i posted last year, at my last serious attempt. I am seeing a Psychotherapist at the moment and receiving ITP (Interpersonal therapy) which mainly deals with how we interact with people and mainly focusses on the relationships we have with others and maintaining a good support network with friends. I feel this is the first time someone has really understood me and it transpires that a lot of the feelings that i have and trouble with relationships is down to the way i was brought up as a child. My parents were never affectionate with each other and in turn weren't affectionate with me, not much cuddles, didn't tell me they loved me etc so i ended up self soothing myself with drugs and looking for love in all the wrong ways, being very promiscuous from age 14 onwards. This means i am unable to comfort myself without drugs. I dont take any other drugs at the moment and haven't done for a few years, the drug was my comforter, so I am finding it hard to know myself as i have dampened down all my feelings with weed.

Thanks Tonka and Cannabis Rehab Admin for taking the time to reply to me. it keeps me going just now.

xx


Thanks for the encouragement

Hiya

Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to get back to me. CannabisRehab.org is great and just reading about everyone else's struggles is reassuring. For years I was pro-pot and even back in college did a presentation on it saying it was no worse than alcohol. Looking back i see that i would beleive what anyone told me, its not addictive and just the same as having a beer etc - funnily enough 'they' dont tell you about the mental health problems, financial problems or social problems to having a habit. Just now im having a hard time with dealing with who I am? its been around 20 years i've been a smoker for and im struggling with who I am and what i do now. I have had depression (caused by the pot, who knows) since i was 21 and suffer from anxiety. I couldn't even stop smoking when i was pregnant with my child who is now 5 and feel so guilty and shameful about this. I was so selfish and hate myself for it. I love my son to bits and cant beleive i cant remember a lot of his milestones as i was so stoned to remember them. I worked out over the last 10 years i have spent at least £20,000 on it and have lost all ambition along the way. I was content with just being a stoner.

Last night when i posted my first message on here i was feeling a bit weak and thinking that i could go back to it now and then but im going to try and be strong and resist as i know the positives outweigh the negatives but it's just so hard. It would be stupid to go back to it again when i have got through the really tough part of the sweats, nightmares, anxiety, helplessness. Luckily i have lots of great friends who are supportive and i have my son to think of when i feel tempted. Pot is a replacement relationship for real friends/boyfriends, real life and for now i want to feel like i am living not just existing.

any words of support are greatly appreciated as i think by looking at CannabisRehab.org and my willpower are the only things that are going to keep me going

Hiya

Just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to get back to me. CannabisRehab.org is great and just reading about everyone else's struggles is reassuring. For years I was pro-pot and even back in college did a presentation on it saying it was no worse than alcohol. Looking back i see that i would beleive what anyone told me, its not addictive and just the same as having a beer etc - funnily enough 'they' dont tell you about the mental health problems, financial problems or social problems to having a habit. Just now im having a hard time with dealing with who I am? its been around 20 years i've been a smoker for and im struggling with who I am and what i do now. I have had depression (caused by the pot, who knows) since i was 21 and suffer from anxiety. I couldn't even stop smoking when i was pregnant with my child who is now 5 and feel so guilty and shameful about this. I was so selfish and hate myself for it. I love my son to bits and cant beleive i cant remember a lot of his milestones as i was so stoned to remember them. I worked out over the last 10 years i have spent at least £20,000 on it and have lost all ambition along the way. I was content with just being a stoner.

Last night when i posted my first message on here i was feeling a bit weak and thinking that i could go back to it now and then but im going to try and be strong and resist as i know the positives outweigh the negatives but it's just so hard. It would be stupid to go back to it again when i have got through the really tough part of the sweats, nightmares, anxiety, helplessness. Luckily i have lots of great friends who are supportive and i have my son to think of when i feel tempted. Pot is a replacement relationship for real friends/boyfriends, real life and for now i want to feel like i am living not just existing.

any words of support are greatly appreciated as i think by looking at CannabisRehab.org and my willpower are the only things that are going to keep me going

Just to update i am on anti-depressants and have been for 15 years! they keep me going and i am not ashamed or worried about being addicted to them. I also have seen a Pschologist on a private basis for a few sessions but unfortunately couldn't afford to keep going with that. I am at the moment receiving ITP psychotherapy which is helping to a point but some of my anxieties are always there with or without the pot. Life is just a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me and whenever i have got help in the past it is usually from Psychiatrists who are only really interested in getting you stable on medication and after about the third visit they think "you seem fine" and discharge me. I would definitely agree that talking treatments work much better but as i live in scotland and budgets are stretched, there is only a limited amount of this available. I am a single mum so i cannot afford to go down the private route for treatment. My psychotherapy is due to end soon and i just feel that i have only scratched the surface of my problems and need to continue speaking to someone - friends can only understand this to a certain degree. That's why it is good to talk with people on here as in society - i dont think a lot of professionals really are very knowledgeable with the problems with pot use. Also i read a post on here recently about the effects with SSRI medication and pot use and this has never been mentioned to me before by any of my previous doctors

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi again Forever quitting

I have just reread your previous posts, I see you are no stranger to mental health treatment, me neither I too have had a bit of experience in that area, I know exactly what you mean, resources are limited and there is a limit to what they can give you. Personally although I feel I may have received some benefit from the treatment I have received and for anybody who is in need of help I would always recommend giving it a try if you have not already, but the way I have come to see it is that sure the treatment that is available can give you a hand, but unless your surname is Hilton and money is no issue, then I wouldn’t rely on it as your only source of sustenance in that area. Fortunately we live in an age where although health service budgets are limited there is an awful lot of help we can get for very little money and the one of the best things in this area is what we are using right now, the internet is an amazing thing for giving invaluable help and advice often for completely free, all we have to do is seek it. For me personally things like Buddhism and various other spiritual philosophies have done far more for me then any state funded health care I have received, ironic when you consider the difference in cost between the two, for me studying that kind of material on the internet has been the best cognitive behavioural therapy I have ever had, that along with online support groups/forums like this to communicate with others and unload when you need to has probably done me more good than any six week coarse my local health service could send me on. It does require taking care of yourself and making the effort to access it at the times you really need to, but between the net and a couple of good friends or family members you can talk to face to face when you feel the need and maybe even some kind of local support group, maybe na or something, I think you can progress and develop more than from a six session coarse.

Anyway that’s just my take on it, the state health care can help, but it’s just one of many coping strategies that I think you need to employ. Actually whilst on the subject of this I think I will start a thread maybe with some YouTube videos that might be helpful. Ok done it you can find it here:

Dealing with depression and negative emotion

I myself and hopefully others will add to it with any material that may be of help in regards to this subject. Anyway I hope this may be of some help.

Take care, thanks for posting and please keep us posted on how it goes.

All the best

[forever quitting]

Day 10 off the weed

okay so I am on day 10 of no the drug and should feel like this but feel more like

really struggling, thought i'd be better this week than i was last week. Last week was so anxious, couldn't eat, extreme diarrhoea, sleeping problems. This week I have all of the above along with being tearful every day. The tearfulness is especially hard as I have to go and drop/collect my child from school most days and have to try and carry on as "normal". I'm signed off my work at present so should be feeling like i am getting a break but struggling being a "normal" mum/person. feel much more depressed this week and diarrhoea/appetite loss not any better. For the first time in my life told my mum about my drug problems/issues from about the age of 14 and she was great, didn't judge and is supportive - i thought i'd feel a huge weight off my shoulders but still waiting............

BFB - thanks for getting back to me, you are keeping me going at the moment. Thank you also for putting on the Bhuddism clips - I have only watched the first one so far and loved it - I have always been pretty non-religious but have always said if i were to be religous, the Bhuddism way of life would be the one for me. I'm looking forward to watching the rest of the clips and trying to apply them in my life. I am also looking into groups in my local area with regard to this.

thanks again

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hey forever quitting

It’s good that you have told your mother I think that was a really smart move, it might not be a magic solution to all your problems but I think that having the support of family members is really important, in fact I have added or family member to my last post alongside the bit about support from friends.

I am glad you like the first of the depression videos, there’s quite a bit there to keep you going for a little while, hang in there with the detox symptoms, they are all part of the process and will pass, the guy in the video would probably say try to make peace with them. I think a local support group could be a really good idea too, hopefully you can find one you like. Anyway although the storm is heavy right now, it sounds like you are doing some really positive things to deal with it, I am sure a brighter days are just around the corner.

Take care and speak soon.

[Anomaly]

FQ, I just read your whole thread and most of sounds quite familiar to me, all I want to say is hang in there. It's not easy and I severed all ties with alot of people to get away from it and I lasted 5 nearly 6 years.

The one thing I really learned was that you dont so much notice how much better you are or how far you come along without dope, you can even take your well being for granted, however you will sure as hell feel what you lose as soon as you take the first draw of the spliff. Stay strong pal.

You have made a massive step, only a few more to go!

[forever quitting]

Hey anomaly

Thanks for your kind words. at the moment i am staying away from friends who smoke, im managing to be around the few who only smoke solids as there is no appeal there for me, its the sweet, sweet smell of grass that always drags me back in - as they say the grass is not always greener on the other side Today i am feeling really positive, its day 12 now, nearly at the 2 week mark. I think what is different this time is that just about every friend is now seeing, i think for the first time, how much the drug is destroying my life and taking away everything, my personality, my outlook to life (really negative) and my ability to progress in any way and how depressed it is making me feel. My dealer has been told not to sell to me under any circumstances, even if i phone up saying it is for someone else, i have told my mum (the most important person in the world to me other than my son) and i am starting to feel a bit freer,no more lying - the only lie at the moment is to my work - dont feel i want them to know! couldn't deal with losing my job. They are being really supportive under the pretence that it is my depression - dont know what came first, being doing a lot of soul searching and a lightbulb kind of came on in my head and a lot of things are starting to fit together like a jigsaw.

Are you still off the weed, how long and when did you start? It means so much someone taking the time to get back to me and who actually knows what i am going through. There is no help for others really in this situation other than this forum, do you agree? Professionals i have spoken to dont fully understand the full implications of smoking the strong the drug that is around these days, thus there are no suitable treatments for people. I am now focussing on in the future at some point, when i have been clean for longer, retraining as some sort of mental health/drugs counsellor as i feel if you aint be through it, how can you help others? with the amount of young teenagers smoking strong skunk in my area, i feel there is going to be some sort of mental explosion and a great need for people with expertise in this area. in the meantime i am just going to concentrate on getting myself strong and working towards my goals.

Thanks again

peace man

B

[Anomaly]

FQ I think you might just be an entreprenurial genius in disguise!

What your saying about a mental health explosion in a few year time might be a warning worth taking on but you know the story, no one listens untill the worst actually happends, like we did lol

Plus trying to give up when your pretty well connected is a problem, I was at my brother in laws the other day there helping him with some computer stuff for his college course and my sister gave me a block of soapy for it, I gave it back and shared one j with them as opposed to sitting and getting wasted.

I'm not totaly away from it but I'm not smoking a half quarter a night anymore, only one or two but you need to be away from it for a while to be back to normal. But still I'm surrounded by smokers, the dealer up here only gets solid and he's an school pal of mine and he's constantly at me to get him skunk and no way am I going back to hooking up dealers, to much to lose now.

I agree with the point about the pro's as well, alot of them seem to diagnose depression and prescribe a medication, which in a pure depression is good however to a smoker it doesnt deal with the drug problem. The way I see it is with the drug I'm on my own, done it before and I'm sure with a bit of motivation and wanting the things I cheat myself out of I can get away from it.

Focus on your goals and realise the truth, you owe them to yourself and you fully deserve them, once your on your way your addiction will be to them and thats good!

and one last thing, please dont be too dependant on your dealer not selling to you, their in it for the money.

All the best

[Finding my Center]

I agree with Anomaly, FQ you are a genius.

I think that the future for the teenagers who smoke the drug is not going to be a happy healthy life, but a depressed problematic existence. And I agree that there is no help out there but this forum, also there is MA online which is really good as well. I think that by re-training as a drugs councillor you can try to make a difference, try to let people know what the downsides of a marijuana dependancy are because people just do not realise. There are people who are going through a similar experience in their battle with marijuana addiction and we can all take help and encouragement from each other, were all in this together, and like you say how can you help others if you have not been through it yourself. Well are all here to tell the story.

I admire you for your honesty, I read the letter that you posted about saying goodbye to cannabis and it made me cry, I really feel that I can relate to your story like so many others here.
Thank you again FQ and keep up the good work, you should be really proud of yourself. xxx

[forever quitting]

ok folks

im now on day 22 - got past the three week mark so feeling good about that. not had any cravings for the drug at all, just keep reminding myself i dont do that anymore - i know its still early days and i know from previous attempts to detox that this is it this time. I always thought before that i could go back to it socially but i now know that is impossible. if i came off of crack cocaine or heroin i wouldn't be able to be a social user so pot isn't any different - im only kidding myself. And from previous stopping attempts, 6 weeks, 12, weeks and 6 weeks again, i have always become complacent and thought just one wont hurt or i can smoke at weekends or only evenings or just parties - it doesn't work for me, perhaps for some, but not for me.

im starting to sleep better now, the night sweats have calmed down a bit, still the odd couple of nights when im having the mad dreams, which happen nightly! appetite is back to normal and stomach is settling. i have no paranoia now, i am positive and speaking about my feelings openly with family and friends instead of just ignoring them, getting stoned, bottling things up and then exploding when things get too much. my memory is still not what it was but work seems easier now and concentration span is much better - not having to reread things over and over until it sinks in or look at what date it is on my calendar about 20 times in a day LOL I have sent off for my provisional licence so it should be here soon and then the driving lessons will commence im saving so much money now i am not spending 50-80 quid on the drug every week and have been treating myself to relaxing massages etc to reward myself rather than a chemical reward.

i know there are tough times ahead and that when i have to deal with bad situations (where i usually would have smoked) i will have to try and face them in another way - im not sure how but i think being clearer headed will help a lot.

Anyway i just wanted to let everyone know how i am doing and hopefully give some encouragement and hope to other people who are in the same boat.

keep strong

FQ