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hey all
just wanted to post this: It may help some of you or not but it is worth trying.
On my last attempt at stopping the weed, my therapist suggested a write a letter to cannabis to say goodbye. I may sound like a nutter for doing this but i wrote it and as i am on another attempt at stopping (last time it worked for 12 weeks) i thought last night that i would re-read the letter. It has helped greatly as it is a reminder of all the reasons i want to stop and of all the things i have to live for.
I have posted it below - leaving out my son's name for obvious reasons. Yes I relapsed but am on day 16 again today and getting stronger each day.
"Dear cannabis
Well it has been 6 days since I have been in touch with you and to be honest it has been quite difficult to say goodbye. at first I was lost, thought where are you? Did think about calling you but remembered that i had decided once and for all not to see you again. been feeling pretty lonely and a bit sad/emotional and fearful - what would i do without you? I found the weekend particularly hard without you and cried and felt so down. I dont think we have spent a saturday night apart for a long time, not for a couple of years anyway, not since we last fell out for that 12 weeks. couldn't stop thinking about you. I was obsessed with you.
You have been in my life since i was 14 and i am now 35 and i have to say you are probably one of my longest "friendships"
. Friends have come and gone through the years but you have always been there. you have got me through good times, bad times, sad times, in fact all the time! at first you made me feel really good about myself, gave me confidence, made me entertaining, i felt good enough and accepted when you were around. You never judged me.
I have wasted so much money (around £20,000) and effort on searching for you, worrying and climbing the walls when i couldn't reach you and got really angry when i couldn't find you. My whole life revolved around you and resulted in me losing all interest in everything. You kept me company when my real friends weren't around or so I thought.
I have ben battling with you for years now and i know deep inside that you are no good for me and that ours is an "unhealthy relationship" but still i defended you and kept you in my life. I have missed nights out with real friends, choosing to spend my time alone, just you and me. I even looked forward to our nights alone and felt comforted that you were around.
I have spent so much money on you - if i had fell out with you years ago then i could have achieved so much more - i would have learned to drive and could have maybe had that campervan that i have always dreamed of. you have kept me away from that and prevented me from carrying out some of my dreams. in fact you have taken any ambition that i ever had and made me feel like i had nothing other than you in my life and that i couldn't cope wiithout you.
As for being supportive, yes you were at first but now i have realised that you have isolated me from my real friends and made me think that i couldn't live or function without you. You have made me depressed, fearful of the future, paranoid and at times obsessed. You made me feel like i couldn't live without you. anytime that i have tried to get rid of you, you have always been around the corner just waiting to tempt me back.
It's really difficult to say goodbye to you but i feel now is the right time in my life to do so, i want so much more out of life for me and for my son and there is no room in my life for you anymore. i have lots of really good "real friends and family" and i want to spend more time with them and make a fresh start. I want to start using my brain again and not zone out, and be able to face things whether good or bad. I want to remember good times and nights out with friends and good times with my son. I very much want to remember him growing up and all his milestones and unfortunately because of you a lot of my memories are hazy of him as a baby and growing up and i regret that so much, it makes me feel really sad and guilty. I cant take that back but i can do something about it now. I have big plans for my future and Im not sorry to say there is no place for you in that future.
so goodbye my friend, i'd like to say it was a pleasure and for the first few years it was but now you are too much of a negative influence in my lfe and you prevent me from from having any interests and fulfilling my dreams, you have robbed my motivation and i am hopeful that i can "find myself" again and not have to rely on you in the future.
So, so long weed, dont try and contact me as i wont be answering your calls and if you try and find me, i will tell you to take a hike - so go and find some other sucker to latch onto because as of now - you are dead to me.
Adios amigo
just wanted to post this: It may help some of you or not but it is worth trying.
On my last attempt at stopping the weed, my therapist suggested a write a letter to cannabis to say goodbye. I may sound like a nutter for doing this but i wrote it and as i am on another attempt at stopping (last time it worked for 12 weeks) i thought last night that i would re-read the letter. It has helped greatly as it is a reminder of all the reasons i want to stop and of all the things i have to live for.
I have posted it below - leaving out my son's name for obvious reasons. Yes I relapsed but am on day 16 again today and getting stronger each day.
"Dear cannabis
Well it has been 6 days since I have been in touch with you and to be honest it has been quite difficult to say goodbye. at first I was lost, thought where are you? Did think about calling you but remembered that i had decided once and for all not to see you again. been feeling pretty lonely and a bit sad/emotional and fearful - what would i do without you? I found the weekend particularly hard without you and cried and felt so down. I dont think we have spent a saturday night apart for a long time, not for a couple of years anyway, not since we last fell out for that 12 weeks. couldn't stop thinking about you. I was obsessed with you.
You have been in my life since i was 14 and i am now 35 and i have to say you are probably one of my longest "friendships"
. Friends have come and gone through the years but you have always been there. you have got me through good times, bad times, sad times, in fact all the time! at first you made me feel really good about myself, gave me confidence, made me entertaining, i felt good enough and accepted when you were around. You never judged me. I have wasted so much money (around £20,000) and effort on searching for you, worrying and climbing the walls when i couldn't reach you and got really angry when i couldn't find you. My whole life revolved around you and resulted in me losing all interest in everything. You kept me company when my real friends weren't around or so I thought.
I have ben battling with you for years now and i know deep inside that you are no good for me and that ours is an "unhealthy relationship" but still i defended you and kept you in my life. I have missed nights out with real friends, choosing to spend my time alone, just you and me. I even looked forward to our nights alone and felt comforted that you were around.
I have spent so much money on you - if i had fell out with you years ago then i could have achieved so much more - i would have learned to drive and could have maybe had that campervan that i have always dreamed of. you have kept me away from that and prevented me from carrying out some of my dreams. in fact you have taken any ambition that i ever had and made me feel like i had nothing other than you in my life and that i couldn't cope wiithout you.
As for being supportive, yes you were at first but now i have realised that you have isolated me from my real friends and made me think that i couldn't live or function without you. You have made me depressed, fearful of the future, paranoid and at times obsessed. You made me feel like i couldn't live without you. anytime that i have tried to get rid of you, you have always been around the corner just waiting to tempt me back.
It's really difficult to say goodbye to you but i feel now is the right time in my life to do so, i want so much more out of life for me and for my son and there is no room in my life for you anymore. i have lots of really good "real friends and family" and i want to spend more time with them and make a fresh start. I want to start using my brain again and not zone out, and be able to face things whether good or bad. I want to remember good times and nights out with friends and good times with my son. I very much want to remember him growing up and all his milestones and unfortunately because of you a lot of my memories are hazy of him as a baby and growing up and i regret that so much, it makes me feel really sad and guilty. I cant take that back but i can do something about it now. I have big plans for my future and Im not sorry to say there is no place for you in that future.
so goodbye my friend, i'd like to say it was a pleasure and for the first few years it was but now you are too much of a negative influence in my lfe and you prevent me from from having any interests and fulfilling my dreams, you have robbed my motivation and i am hopeful that i can "find myself" again and not have to rely on you in the future.
So, so long weed, dont try and contact me as i wont be answering your calls and if you try and find me, i will tell you to take a hike - so go and find some other sucker to latch onto because as of now - you are dead to me.
Adios amigo
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