Im 28 and have been a heavy the drug smoker since 16. Im so desperate to stop, but the thought of having nothing around to smoke totally fills me with panic. Its always the first thing i think about when i wake up and i just cant sleep unless i smoke joint after joint until i'm knocked out. I reward myself with a smoke when I think Ive acheived something, and use it to cope when im stressed. I feel like if I quitting would be pointless because I think nothing in my life will improve anyway. Im pretty sure the smoking has caused me to fail in achieving goals and reaching my potential ALOT over the years. Ive been passive, lazy, late, relaxed, neutral, unassertive in situations where I shouldnt have and probably wouldnt have been if I hadnt been stoned. I fear that its too late and Ive ruined my chances of any sort of good career or relationship and done too much damage to my brain. Im trying to work out if I stop, will my bad luck end and I'll be able to get a good job and a girlfriend etc., or was my life gonna be like this regardless of smoking weed. Or has the drug caused the problems? Theres plenty of people who dont do any drugs and still feel depressed, lazy and unmotivated. Im scared that if I puy myself through the hell of withdrawal, I wont see any improvement. I have 3 kids, I need to stop for their sake more than anything. Its hard to see a way out right now though. A male my age out in the world alone doesnt get much support or sympathy so I'm finding it hard.
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