Hi All,
Im seeking a bit of advice, my other half admitted he had an addiction to the drug in March of this year after smoking for seven years. Our relationship over the past 2.5 years has been very rocky due to his drug abuse. When I met him, I knew that he smoked and I occasionally did with him. However, it soon started affecting our relationship, he would stay up all night smoking, we didn’t have a sex life, we didn’t go out and do anything because all he wanted to do was smoke, he couldn’t keep a job as he kept calling sick to smoke and I would support us both financially whilst he looked for work. He would lie to me about picking him and smoking and it got the point where I couldn’t trust him and despite loving him to pieces I couldn’t take it anymore. I was constantly doubting everything he said and was starting to doubt my own instincts over whether he was smoking or not. I ended the relationship in March and he begged me to take him back vowing he’d go to counselling and admitting he had an addiction. I went back to him, saying if I ever caught him smoking again I’d leave him.
Since then, to my knowledge he hasn’t smoked and although he isn’t going to counselling anymore, I built my trust back up in him and started to enjoy a better relationship. However, he has gone away for the weekend and whilst tidying the flat I came across a bag of the drug half empty. My first reactions are extreme hurt and anger that he is smoking again. I don’t how if this first time since March or if he has been smoking on and off since March and needless to say any trust I’ve built up now feels destroyed and I feel like a fool. I love him so much – when he is off the drug he is amazing. Whilst this might be a one off, I don’t feel I can trust what he will tell me to try and explain this way and I know I am going to question everything he does. I can’t go back to the way it was and I’ve tried to be understanding and that hasn’t worked and I’ve tried the tough love approach and that hasn’t worked. Am I overreacting to this discovery? How do I confront him with what I have found? Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated- I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Im seeking a bit of advice, my other half admitted he had an addiction to the drug in March of this year after smoking for seven years. Our relationship over the past 2.5 years has been very rocky due to his drug abuse. When I met him, I knew that he smoked and I occasionally did with him. However, it soon started affecting our relationship, he would stay up all night smoking, we didn’t have a sex life, we didn’t go out and do anything because all he wanted to do was smoke, he couldn’t keep a job as he kept calling sick to smoke and I would support us both financially whilst he looked for work. He would lie to me about picking him and smoking and it got the point where I couldn’t trust him and despite loving him to pieces I couldn’t take it anymore. I was constantly doubting everything he said and was starting to doubt my own instincts over whether he was smoking or not. I ended the relationship in March and he begged me to take him back vowing he’d go to counselling and admitting he had an addiction. I went back to him, saying if I ever caught him smoking again I’d leave him.
Since then, to my knowledge he hasn’t smoked and although he isn’t going to counselling anymore, I built my trust back up in him and started to enjoy a better relationship. However, he has gone away for the weekend and whilst tidying the flat I came across a bag of the drug half empty. My first reactions are extreme hurt and anger that he is smoking again. I don’t how if this first time since March or if he has been smoking on and off since March and needless to say any trust I’ve built up now feels destroyed and I feel like a fool. I love him so much – when he is off the drug he is amazing. Whilst this might be a one off, I don’t feel I can trust what he will tell me to try and explain this way and I know I am going to question everything he does. I can’t go back to the way it was and I’ve tried to be understanding and that hasn’t worked and I’ve tried the tough love approach and that hasn’t worked. Am I overreacting to this discovery? How do I confront him with what I have found? Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated- I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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