Trying to quit cannabis again..

[VermilioN^]

I posted on CannabisRehab.org months ago, telling my story and how I was going to quit. Sadly enough it never happened and here I am again in the same situation, although I just became more and more of a heavy smoker over time. Been smoking for probably 1.5 yrs now.. It doesn't sound like a lot and I know it doesn't compare to a lot of you. But I was smoking all day every day and ever since the first time I smoked my life has gone dramatically down hill. Ever since I first smoked all I have ever thought or cared about was smoking pot and now after losing many friends and having put my mother through my addiction and most likely failing Yr 12 because of pot I feel like if I don't stop now I never will be able to. I developed depersonalization after smoking the first time and I have been struggling with it ever since. Ive been off the drug for 2 weeks now and I feel really depressed and anxious, Im not as lazy as I use to be which is nice but I cant wait till I feel better.

[abiogenesis]

Dear Vermilion,

I also posted on CannabisRehab.org several times since 1.5 year, relapsed many times, and faced all the bad consequences of my addiction (depersonalization, sociapathy, always anxious, no self respect, no communication with people, my career slipped out from my hands, hopeless, very bad mental health, not being able to feel anything, no joy from even smokking, and worst of all feeling like trapped in a coma..). And here I am almost 5 months sober and I again feel connected to world! My cognitive abilites are much better, my sociapathy is gone; i can enjoy being with people and have natural conversations with them, i'm very happy with my wife, i'm much less anxious and my mental health is much much better..

I can't say that all these happened in a short time, first three months were really very struggling, having all kinds of withdrawel symptoms but i knew that i had to be patient. I read all kinds of materials about the nature of addiction, I built my knowledge day by day, talked with my wife every day, tried to see the reasons of the earlier relapses and taking precautions on them, i.e.. I mean I put my effort of quitting above everything in life because otherwise it was very clear that i would'nt have a life..

I can't say that everything is very easy now. Although the withdrawels are mostly gone, I still feel a sick circuit in my brain that turns on for a few days, putting all its effort of trying to make me smoke again, but when i stay still, it goes away.. I don't know how long this will continue, but i know that as long as i stay still, it can't control me.

I wrote all these things because I want to put out this very clearly: Addiction is a real disease that makes us miserable, but when it's gone the sick mental state attached to it is also gone. Please be patient, think that it's the disease that giving you all these bad feelings, it will take some time to get over with it, but they will be gone eventually.

You could write here everyday if you like, you can share all your thoughts and feelings, and i will be responding and trying to share your burden. Not getting trapped in your own thought process (which will be forced to be driven by addiction) is also very important in my experience.

Actually, I'm trying to spend more and more time on this forum, and willing to help people who are in their early days of soberity but actually a I'm a bit dissappointed these days because i don't see many people posting about their stories of quitting. I know that it may take several attempts to achieve long term soberity, it's also not very easy to maintain it, but what i also know is we can succeed as long as we don't give up our hope to achieve full recovery! It took 1.5 years for me to achieve to point where i'm now, but one thing i never did is i never gave up on trying..

I wish you all the best, please keep us posted and my thoughts are with you..

PS: i'm also wondering about how our moderator foreverquitting is doing these days? Could you also keep us posted

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi VermilioN^ and welcome back.

Sometimes it can take us a couple of tries, it’s the kind of thing that we can’t do until we are truly ready and even then it doesn’t always go to plan. We don’t always succeed the first time but if we keep trying we do get there in the end. I too have experienced symptoms similar to the depersonalisation type thing from using the drug and anxiety and depression, hang in there I am sure you will improve with time. Just remember it doesn’t matter how many times it takes you will always be welcome.

Take care, thanks for posting again and please keep us posted.

All the best

[abiogenesis]

Hi Vermilion,

I just wanted to check how it's going for you. I hope you're not having very hard time.

All the best,

[VermilioN^]

Hey, guys thanks for your support. I am still sober but not much has changed, its been 3 weeks now I still feel very down and anti social. About 4 days ago my uncle passed away which really isn't helping me with my situation. Almost every night I dream about smoking, sometimes I wake up not knowing if it was real or not. Everything seems to be going in the wrong direction, since I recently finished Yr 12 I have had falling outs with many of my friends of different reason and I feel like I have no one to talk about my problems. It just seems like everyday I struggle to stay sober its all worthless as no one really cares what I do with myself. It feels like so long since Ive felt emotions or really cared about something, I just cant wait until I feel better. I really appreciate your concerns and everything you do for myself and the other users on this forum.

[abiogenesis]

Hey Vermilion,

I'm sorry to hear that your uncle passed away; my condolonces for that. For the rest, what you live at the moment is exactly the same i lived at those times. I also used to dream everynight about smoking, and sometimes waking up not knowing if it was real or not. And far beyond being antisocial, i wasn't able to make any kind of conversations with people. I had all the time social anxiety. But i appreciate very much your effort and i believe you're really doing great. Because i had always someone (my wife) who was supported me for every moment but still it took me one year to be sober just more than 1 month. I believe 3 weeks is really a milestone because it's the time when THC starts to take off from your body. Please be patient and stay strong. 5 months ago, i was a person who was completely disfunctional and now i'm nowhere close to that times. There is no common rule for how long the withdrawels last but once THC is completey out of your body (which may take up to 6 weeks) they will certainly ease. Healing process is not always linear but it's more like a step function in my experience. For some time you may feel that nothing changes but at some point it takes a leap and you feel the drastical changes. Anyway, the function of recovery is uniqe to each person but it's a healing process for everyone in which at the end you will be healed and you're not far away from that. The first three weeks are very hard for most people and everyday you're sober, you will be one step closer to being recover, so just be proud of yourself. Be sure that you will have your all emotions and interest in life back again eventually. Because it's the disease that put you in this situation and you're recovering from it. I believe you can do it and you are always welcome here to share your thoughts and feelings and we will share your burden.

Please keep posted and all the best,

[VermilioN^]

Last couple of days have been pretty hard, parents have been nagging me just making my shit harder and having trouble with a girl a like. All ive been thinking about is how good it would be to go buy a bag, its all so hard. I think im at my 28th day sober, really over everything.

[abiogenesis]

Hi Vermilion,

No matter how hard it is, remember that it will pass and you're getting closer to get over with the hardest part but please also don't forget that it would start all over again if you have the 1st smoke. I also strongly advice you to do some reading on addiction and it will help you to understand what you're going through. You can check out the sticky thread on useful websites.

Take care, stay strong and keep us posted,

[abiogenesis]

Hi Vermilion,

How things are going? I hope things have been eased and you're having better time than before.

All the best and take care,