this is wayyy harder than i thought it would be!

[BoZZHoGG]

I have been a pot smoker since i was 30 years old. (AM 37 now) In 2005 my first marriage was destroyed by weed, Call the drug the straw that broke the camel's back. My ex-wife hates drugs(but she drinks) and it caused the end of what was a tumultuous relationship to begin with ( not a healthy marriage). At 34 my grandmother, and closest uncle died. Then my mother passed away on Christmas day(2006) from cancer. This helped lead to my developing a total dependence on weed. But I was still a productive person.Because i smoked I had to start my own company to make money to avoid drug tests. My best Friend and I since childhood started an electrical contracting and service company and we did really well ( he still is). I got to about 90k a year of personal income at the peak (last year.) However, the last 2 years I have not left the house much. I just sat here, got high, and played computer games all day and night long. Wake and bake and never stopped..The only time i wasn't smoking was when I was asleep. . My office was in my house so this was fairly easy to accomplish. Then I became a total recluse. All I felt the need to do was smoke the drug and play video games. Which is what I did. My fiancee( live in) is a very active person, but she could never get me outta the house. I had no desire to do anything and was totally apathetic to my situation. My business partner finally had enough of it and started a new business behind my back and took all our customers, essentially leaving me nothing but a bunch of debt. My company collapsed in August, and now I am unemployed, but hey I had my the drug and my computer games soo I didn't really care. At least not enough to do anything about it. Guess what else? the dog ran off, my life is a country music song .

About DEC 10Th or so this year i got what i assumed was the flu, turns out it was something else, some other virus, fever, general bad sick feelings, but it made my feet swell. I actually went to the emergency room and got thrown out cuz I did not the money to pay them. This was lowest point of my life( i am on unemployment now and lost my health insurance). I went to a doctor and he checked me out told me I had viral infection and to take my vitamins..

I decided to detox smoking about 9 days ago during the illness. And for nine days I have been the drug FREE! The first few days were insomnia hell, crazy dreams and the like, no sleep, night sweats, and terrible anxiety, no appetite. and general feelings of malaise. I discovered CAMOMILE TEA and found I could sleep through the night with it...(That stuff is great, if you have problems sleeping try it.) The witdrawls have been pure hell. racing heart, terrible anxiety, and all the dull pains in my back are not so dull anymore. I find myself chain smoking cigarettes, actually switched to a "lighter" cigarette to avoid the hacking cough that was coming . that's helped some i suppose. (cigarettes are next, but i have to get through this first). O I also eliminated caffeine from diet for fear of panic attacks brought on by the stimulant effects of the caffeine....I have been the Dr pepper kid since i was little and rarely drank anything else.O i guess I have kicked that habit as well. I have been the juice and water kid for the last nine days.. losta water, lotsa juice. I have had mild Kidney pains general aches in my shoulders, and I actually strained a left pectoral muscle which I mistaked for Chest pains...just terrible.. I have started walking vigorously in the morning, extending the distance a Lil bit at a time. Exercise helps, but my Anxiety level is supreme at the moment and it won't let go. I have no desire to smoke the drug ever again, but this anxiety is really rough. I suppose i was really saturated with the cannabis, and i Just want to know that I am not going to die from quitting pot. I just want my anxiety level to subside, the rest I can deal with.....The fog in my head is still really bad but getting better.

[greendude]

g,day bozzhogg, it sounds like you have had a pretty hard time the last couple of years.
your doing the right thing giving up pot. it seems to bring us down further from an already
somewhat depressed state, and cloud vision, also limit us to the "now and then" not the up and
coming. it sounds like you have been doing well,as for the panic attacks i got them when i was smoking,
and not anymore since i have quit so i cant help you there.to be honest i would be guessing
if i said i did. time may fix it or there may be something underlying. one thing i do know about
is having your comfort zone at home and having panic attacks when you go places or are in
certain situations.

i had to go and get dogfood from the middle of a shopping center every day
just about,sometimes driving there i would feel like i was about to have a heart attack. the more
i was at home and smoking the drug the worse it would get if i had to go somewhere. the fact that you were mostly at home getting stoned and playing video games, you need time to re-
introduce yourself to the outside world as hard as is seems. i had to do this also.
(assuming there isnt an underlying problem)as your social skills and confidence improve you should get better as time goes on.

if you want my advice whatever you do dont take zanex. i was prescribed it and it does work but it wasnt worth what it came with sure you dont care what people think but it is worse than the drug imo.my boss
burnt the tablets because of what they did. i eventually learned that i had to overcome it by myself.
now that im clean i havnt had anything remotly like it at all. i still get nervous sometimes but i pull
myself around. personally i think doctors are too quick to perscribe medication.its the era we live in.
i think to myself what would people have done back when there wasnt medication?- got on with it.
im not trying to be condescending or anything i just think its better to get over things without medication
if you can,something my boss taught me,if you need it, you need it, but when you dont have it things
can turn extra sour. i would say give yourself a bit more time and slowly ween yourself into more
human interaction, if that makes sense, and see how you go from there. theres always someone to talk to on here
if need be

you have come to the right place my friend, you are exercising which is good and drinking plenty of
water. people on here reccomend omega 3's in your diet, i would say they are right, tablets can do the
job but if you dont mind tuna,some cans of tuna chunks in olive oil do it for me, quite good after an exercise
and rather high in protein. i am only on week 4 and am also choofing through ciggarettes, not quite as bad
now, i think you will feel a bit better as you recover. the drug masks alot of pains since i have stopped i am
noticing things i have never really noticed little pains and things. i think its for the better.your body kind
of needs to dial itself in again.
i think im starting to ramble,anyway your doing good man,keep it up and let us know how
things are going. hopefully there is something usefull in that mumbo jumbo, i havnt been sleeping much
either.

peace brother and good luck,it is a battle for sure.i know its said over and over again but things do get
better.

greendude.

[BoZZHoGG]

What a diffence a day makes, its day 10 and i feel almost human today. Not near the anxiety of the last few days. Sleept for almost 8 hours, aNd after some theraputic walking on my back by my fiancee the aches and pains are a 'lil better as well. I have to admit its getting better! It may get bad agian but as long as I know it will get better, It makes it easier to keep going....

[abiogenesis]

Hi BoZZHoGG and welcome to the forum,

As you already realized, recovery is a process during which you can have different mental states. It' literally a healing process of the brain. It might not be always linearly progressing because your brain is chemically unbalanced at the moment. It's used to function with the substance THC for years, and now when you stop using weed, it will take some time for the brain to adjust its biochemical balance. This is the underlying reason behind this anxiety. But as time goes by, your brain will adjust itself to function better without THC and these symptoms will ease. But one thing to keep in mind is it might not be necessarily a linear progress. As you write, it may get bad again but as long as you don't smoke, healing process continues and it will get better eventually.

One thing also important is your brain is hardwired during this heavy use of weed. Which means that, part of your brain is comprimised with the drug and it will always have a potential to trick you to make you smoke. The proper word for this is "rationalization" i guess. When we experience cravings, thoughts which try to rationalize smoking follow this urge and that lead us to relapse generally. Even though we know the catastrophic effects that the drug does to our lives, this sick circuit in our brain makes us forget all these harms. So, whenever you start to think about smoking, be aware of that it's not you, it's the disease that try to make you smoke, and if you stay still and wait for some time, generally in 45 min-1h, you will see that the craving will go away.

About using all these healthy staff and doing exercise: it's the best thing you can do during recovery. Because exercise help your brain to adjust it's hormones to function without weed. Especially the first weeks, THC will be still in your body and exercise will also make your body recover faster from THC.

By the way, to understand better what you're going through, I strongly advise you to go through the sticky thread "useful websites". I believe that understanding our problem is the key to the solution. There, you will see how your brain is affected during your the drug consumption, see that all the things you experience are the results of the neurological disorder caused by your the drug abuse, and learn many tips that are helpful to maintain soberity. Recovery is a healing process from the disease of addiction and as you heal, things will start to ease and it will be easier to handle them.

Please keep up the good work and keep us posted on how it goes. As you experience, the first days/weeks are the worst but it will certainly ease by time and once THC is out of your system, your healing will be much faster. Addiction is a cage that consumes our lives and mind. But when we break out of it, then we truely start to live and start to enjoy things in life as we never enjoyed before. Because when we are addicted, our brain does not respond to any natural stimuli but the drug, but when it recovers then we see that there are diverse things in life that we can enjoy, diverse emotions that we can feel. Most important of all, our brains are the most complex mechanism in the known universe, and when we are addicted, we use this very complex mechanism for only one purpose: "seek and use the drug". Then drug consumes the brain, messes up with its hormones, take away all the cognitive abilities and reduce its complex functions to one track mission. Once we realize this, we should put all our effort to achieve long term recovery, it may not be very easy, we may slip, we may feel lost at times, but if we keep on trying, we get there at the end and this worths everything.

All the best,

[BoZZHoGG]

Thanks guyz it's nice 2 know that others have been through this stuff...I feel like a newborn baby. I have mild allergies, Always had to take a CLaritan when I switched the drug to avoid the inevatable sinus headache. I cleaned and cleaned today to keep myself busy, and tonight I got sinus pressure... I forgot what that felt like, it's wierd it's like it's the first time I ever had sinus pressure.( no headache thank GOD!).There are other things as well it's like a whole new experiance of life.... Today has been a pretty good day, probably the best I've had so far.

[abiogenesis]

It's very good to hear that your days are getting better and better. May be it might be a good idea for you to come and write here periodically about how you feel, by that way, it will be easier for you to see your progress, and also reading your previous experiences can give you a better perspective to see the whole picture of your recovery.

Keep up the good work and all the best for the new year,

[BoZZHoGG]

It's day 14 and I am starting to feel better. The anxiety is not nearly as bad anymore, though there are still "spells" here and there. I am sleeping better now. The moring exercise has done wonders. I have started a remodel project on my 100 year old house and I am soooo productive it's amazing. The fog is still there though not as pronounced as it has been. All the aches and pains that I used to cover up with pot are here and screaming at me, but the more I do the better they seem to get. This new year is gonna be a great one!

[abiogenesis]

I honestly feel happier and happier as I read your posts, I believe that your productivity at the moment is not nearly as good as it could be when you're fully recovered.

Keep up to good work and take care,

[BoZZHoGG]

Day 23 and 24 are not going so well, my anxiety level is really high right now...I had a hard time sleeping last night. I rested Sunday and kinda sit around yesterday. It seems like if I do not keep myself moving It's Wild aniexty. I suppose this will pass and I still have had good moments the last couple of days, but lordy when does this end! I still have no desire to smoke at all what so ever! Right now I do not feel too bad but there is definatly more anxiety today than there has been. It almost feels like my body is overcharged. Yesterday I pushed myself a bit to hard on my walk/run and I feel asleep at around 7pm and slept for and hour. I will not take anymore naps until this has completely passed. I was taking Flaxseed oil for an omega 3 supplement, but i think I will just eat tuna fish sandwiches for lunch instead. That is really the only thing that has changed was the flaxseed oil, as I started that about Friday or so 2 a day. I am going to skip it for a couple of days and see if that whats causing this crazy aniexty...MOre to come! I can do this!

[BoZZHoGG]

Day 25 and feel pretty good today. Anxiety level is about normal. This is definitely a roller coaster ride!

[abiogenesis]

Hi BoZZHoGG,

I completely agree with you that it is definitely a roller coaster ride. But the slope will be smaller and smaller by the time and at the end you will be able to push the wagons to any direction you want. Probably you're still not detoxed completely and when you're, things will really get easier, and the real recovery and journey of finding yourself and building a new life will start then.

I am really very happy to see that you are 25 days sober now, especially in the first days your anxiety was extreme, but you didn't let yourself down and you made through these hardest times. I believe that you're a really strong person, and you're stronger now because you're much aware that it's a roller coaster ride, you know what to expect, but when you're detoxed it will get easier to deal with. This is a journey that you will have your life back again at the end, so you have every right to be very hopeful for the future.

All the best and please keep up the updates,

[Ready2Quit]

Day 4 for me - Let's keep this up together

Hello fellow former pot smoker,

I am inspired by your desire to change your life and I'd like to keep in touch with you on CannabisRehab.org so we can motivate each other to keep it up.

It's also a sickness that is inspiring me to give up smoking marijuana. I found out I have an auto-immune disease which attacks my muscles, making it difficult for me to walk, run, and engage in normal activities. I'm only 28 years old, so it was a total shock to me that I could be diagnosed with a disease that I could have forever. There is a possibility that it could go into remission, if my immune system can recover, but until then, my own immune system is attacking my body, and the doctors have no idea what causes my condition.

So, given that muscle weakness is the main problem I have with this disease, and that marijuana is a muscle relaxer and that the TCH is being stored in my muscles, I am curious to find out if quitting marijuana will help me heal my immune system. I know that smoking pot really suppresses your immune system, so I am really hoping that if I quit pot and stay clean and healthy, I will rebound from this illness and be able to recover.

But regardless of my disease I need to detox smoking. I want to be a recreational user, but it's just not possible for me. When I smoke, it becomes an every day thing. I haven't waked and baked for a number of years, but I am easily triggered emotionally, and if I get upset or worried or have some muscle pain from my disease, I just want to smoke.

I want to learn better ways of handling the stress in my life, and I am on day 4 of making that change. I quit this time last year, and I made it over 100 days...then I lost my will to keep sober, and I went back to my old ways. This time it's different, because my health and my life depend on following through.

Congratulations on making the change, and I hope to have 25 days in a few weeks too.

[BoZZHoGG]

All I can say is wow! I though I had it bad. I really do not know what I would do without my morning exercise to burn off some steam. It really balances me. I check CannabisRehab.org everyday, so yeah, we can surley take this journey together! Today is day 26 for me and I feel better than I did a couple of days ago, but there is still anxiety. I have been monitoring my Blood Pressure and heart rate with a simple lil' meter that was my mother's. I have found that my anxiety and high Pulse rate go hand in hand. When I have high anxeity my pulse rate will go above 100 bpm, though it really never gets above 110. My blood pressure is actually pretty solid. I am no doctor, but I would certianly steer you to do some research on your own and try to stay away from MSG's in your diet(google it). Certianly doctors tend to overlook things like dietary casues for ailments. For Instance, I used to take nexium everyday for acid reflux, and I have found that elimnating Dr. Pepper and caffine from my diet have eliminated the heartburn almost completely. If you have problems sleeping try the chamomile tea it really helps. Everyday is another day to get stronger! And if you can beat Mary Jane you can beat anything!

[leftcoast]

you are pretty inspiring. thanks.

[Ready2Quit]

Day 8 - Already I am stronger

I am so so happy I had the courage to detox over a week ago. I feel a lot better already. My symptoms of fatigue and weakness have subsided over time, and I was able to get out there for a walk today.

I may not be able to jog away my steam, but I have been enjoying a little meditation and chanting to soothe my mind. It feels very good to be handling my stress in a healthier way, and the physical rewards are very exciting.

I had a really horrible stomach ache on days 3, 4, and 5, from my withdrawal but I made it through, and now my body seems to have adjusted to being off pot.

I am a vegetarian, and I try to eat as many fresh vegetables as I can, because I know that nutrition can make a huge difference. I'm very interested to see if I can find a way to beat the root cause of my immune disease.

Day 8 of many many more.