desperate wife

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Hey I'm at the end of an 11 year fight to get my husband off pot, we have 2 kids and I guess I'm just exhusted, so its come down to the shitty ultimatum, give up the drug of I'm out of here, which really sucks, I still love him to bits, he just refuses to give up, I've waited for him to give up on his own terms but I'm still waiting, how can I make him see the effects the drug has on him and how it effects who he is as a husband\father, is there other partners of pot smokers that just feel like there's a piece of thier partner missing, therefore not feeling that connection everyone longs for?

[Tuggy]

Was your husband smoking before you guys met? or is it a newer habit. Have you ever smoked with him or tried it?

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Reality check

Stick to your guns. Don't feel guilty. He'll get mad...probably make try to make you feel like the bad guy. Pot is illegal it it isolating. Does he want the kids to smoke? Once he exhausts all the arguments he will see the point. Support him and show your pride and thanks when he gives it up. I didn't quit until my wife called me on it and I saw she was serious. You have to be strong.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

stay true to yourself

I am going through the same thing with my wife, only she is an alcoholic. It's so frustrating that she can't see the damaging affects of her habit on our daughter on in the home. For so many years, I walked with her down this path, smoking (both), drinking, and when I gave it up, it was hard for me to see that what she is doing is unhealthy, because I did it for so long too. And she's always got an excuse and it was easy for her to turn it around on me. But finally, after she came to me covered in blood from yet another late night header, my eyes were opened. It's so hard not to judge as good or bad, but simply as a way you want to live or not. I had to separate myself from her enegetically, make the effort and the realization that I won't enable her any more in this. If she wants to walk this path, she'll have to walk it alone, because I'm not going back. What this means, I don't know yet. Will we stay together? Will we divorce? Will she clean up or follow her downward spiral to her death? I don't have these answers, but just knowing that I have a path of my own to walk, and that I have that right to walk it as I see fit, is empowering. It's hard to make these stands without emotionial entanglements, and with unconditional love, but somehow, I know that the power of love will move me through this in the best possible way. Love for her. Love for my daughter. And Love for me. Even love for the situation, because somehow, I got myself into it and there's something here for me to learn, to make me stronger, and to make me a better person and a better father.
I hope some of this made a difference, even a little bit. Hang in there and know that you are always loved.

Peace,

Jeff.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Cannabis Addiction

I will be totally honest, it’s difficult to know what to advise when somebody asks for advice in regards to a situation like that. I have only ever experienced the issue of drug addiction from the point of view of the user and don’t really know what it’s like to be the family member of someone who is addicted. So I don’t really feel in a position to tell you what to do as far as your marriage goes, I think that’s something that only you can decide for yourself. What I would say however is maybe you could organise some sort of intervention, in order to make him take your ultimatum seriously, I appreciate how difficult that may be with a dope smoker, due to the way in which many of them see their dope use, it seems to be the only drug that many of it’s users appear to be almost brain washed, into the crazy almost cult like mentality that it’s impossible to have a problem with it. I know I was one of them until I ended up in a right mess. So maybe if you can get the support of friends or family members to help intervene and he sees that it’s not just you that’s worried about him, maybe that might make a difference.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

good advice

excellent advice mr. administrator

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

Don't leave your husband.

Marrage is for better or worse. I doubt he is cheating on you... Marijuana users are not as prone to that as alcoholics. The moderator from the UK seems to be very good. I like all his points and I can see he thinks about what he is saying. My wife smokes dope. It doesan't bother me except I don't like the smell on her afterwards. I also think she can't remember anything sometimes which gets me cranky. Other than that she seems fine. She smoked when I met her and I just don't think I need to start fighting over it. I hate ciggarettes far more and I'm just glad she doesn't smoke them. I smoked pot before myself so I never found it to be anything too damaging to a relationship unless the smoker was gone eay off and smoking all day. If you go shopping or somewhere, Let him have a joint without freaking out. I think you need to relax a bit and lay off him. Just my opinion. I don't know the full story. It's not like he selling the kids TV to get another rock for his pipe. I've seen the crack heads and yes you need to leave them. I know pot can get out of hand but it is not something worth fighting over. Love him for who he is. Stop making him feel like he has to sneak around to smoke a joint. If he doesn't smoke until after work then he really should be left alone in my opinion.

[I understand]

I understand

I totally understand! My husband smokes also. I thought he would stop when we got married - I was wrong! It is the one thing we fight about. If he would stop, our marriage would be so much better. He defends pot more than he does me. He thinks there is nothing wrong with it. I ams sick at his lies and secretive ways. He tells me nothing!

I love him and don't want to leave him. However, I don't want our son and daughter to smoke. It affects him so much. He is SO moody. His lies and hiding of it drives me insane. I am going to join a support group.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I totally understand! My husband smokes also. I thought he would stop when we got married - I was wrong! It is the one thing we fight about. If he would stop, our marriage would be so much better. He defends pot more than he does me. He thinks there is nothing wrong with it. I ams sick at his lies and secretive ways. He tells me nothing!

I love him and don't want to leave him. However, I don't want our son and daughter to smoke. It affects him so much. He is SO moody. His lies and hiding of it drives me insane. I am going to join a support group.

I agree with Cannabis Rehab Admin - it does become like a cult. They are so into it that they don't even realized they have been brainwashed. All the research says to detox the drug, one must change their friends. You become who you hang around. My husband's friends are pot heads and we fight over them too.

That post that said don't leave your husband and the wife should back off - you are so wrong. I don't think she needs to leave him; however, her husband needs to quit. I feel if a man really loves his wife and pot really bothers her, he would quit for her. They put the pot first - over the marriage.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I understand

Hey I'm at the end of an 11 year fight to get my husband off pot, we have 2 kids and I guess I'm just exhusted, so its come down to the shitty ultimatum, give up the drug of I'm out of here, which really sucks, I still love him to bits, he just refuses to give up, I've waited for him to give up on his own terms but I'm still waiting, how can I make him see the effects the drug has on him and how it effects who he is as a husband\father, is there other partners of pot smokers that just feel like there's a piece of thier partner missing, therefore not feeling that connection everyone longs for?

My husband smokes pot too and I SO want him to stop. I understand about not feeling the connection. There is a distance that the pot creates and I just long for my husband, not the weed. I too long for that connection - yes, part of my husband is gone or with the weed. He picks the drug over me. He says I am controlling. If he stopped smoking and the lies, the control would go down. It is a horrible cycle.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I am going through the same thing with my wife, only she is an alcoholic. It's so frustrating that she can't see the damaging affects of her habit on our daughter on in the home. For so many years, I walked with her down this path, smoking (both), drinking, and when I gave it up, it was hard for me to see that what she is doing is unhealthy, because I did it for so long too. And she's always got an excuse and it was easy for her to turn it around on me. But finally, after she came to me covered in blood from yet another late night header, my eyes were opened. It's so hard not to judge as good or bad, but simply as a way you want to live or not. I had to separate myself from her enegetically, make the effort and the realization that I won't enable her any more in this. If she wants to walk this path, she'll have to walk it alone, because I'm not going back. What this means, I don't know yet. Will we stay together? Will we divorce? Will she clean up or follow her downward spiral to her death? I don't have these answers, but just knowing that I have a path of my own to walk, and that I have that right to walk it as I see fit, is empowering. It's hard to make these stands without emotionial entanglements, and with unconditional love, but somehow, I know that the power of love will move me through this in the best possible way. Love for her. Love for my daughter. And Love for me. Even love for the situation, because somehow, I got myself into it and there's something here for me to learn, to make me stronger, and to make me a better person and a better father.
I hope some of this made a difference, even a little bit. Hang in there and know that you are always loved.

Peace,

Jeff.

Wow - I loved your last two comments. It is so hard. I hope your wife does stop. If they only knew what they are giving up for the drug or alcohol.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

It really hurts when somebody chooses drugs over you.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

i am really stupid????

could someone who has smoked for a long period of time please explain to me why it takes over your life. i have been with my partner for 10 years. he was a smoker when i met him but he has gone from smoking an eighth of skunk in about 3-4 days to an eighth a day. dont get me wrong when he has the gear to smoke he is ok but when he has run out it is like world war 3 going off. i continually walk round on egg shells wondering when all hell is going to break lose again. i have 2 children aged 7 and 4 months and know they should not be around this, but can smoking really turn somone into a screaming violent abusive monster untill they have had a joint when he then just carries on as if nothing has been said. i just dont know where to go for help for him or if i should just give up and take myselve and my children away to some kind of normality.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

As I have said to the other wife in this thread, I can’t really tell you what to do in regards to whether you should stay with him or not, that’s a decision that only you can make for yourself. But if he is behaving that badly when he can’t get any, that it’s bad for the children to be around, then there may come a point where you have to put them first. Like I say it’s a call that only you can make, depending on how badly he is behaving and how bad you think it is for the kids. What I can tell you about however is what it’s like to be dependent on skunk and how traumatic it can be when you can’t get any. And because of all the pro marijuana BS propaganda, like it can’t in any way be addictive what so ever, it’s possible to be totally hooked and be in total denial that you have any sort of problem what so ever. Like I said earlier in this post, getting through to a pot smoker that there can be any negative effects from smoking marijuana, or that it can be addictive, is like trying to talk to someone that’s in a cult. It’s often not until they hit rock bottom, that they realise they have a problem, I know this was certainly the case for me anyway. So in answer to your question, it’s takes over your life because you have a drug habit and you can see for yourself the effect it has on him regardless of what anyone else tells you. As I said to the other women, maybe if you can get some sort of support from others in his life, to help intervene and make him realise that there’s something wrong, maybe that might help.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and even though we may not be able to give you an easy answer on how to solve your problem, I hope we can offer some understanding and support.

Take care, lots of love and please keep us posted on how it goes.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

It’s like someone who is behaving like that needs filming and if they truly don’t think they have a problem, they won’t mind watching the video of that behaviour with their friends and family. Maybe that might make them realize that what they are doing is a problem.