Wish my husband would...any advice?

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

I married a man who has been a smoker for 24 years. We have been together for 7 of them. We have three children whom I homeschool. I quit smoking pot 10 years ago and I didn't think that his smoking would bother me. The more I think about my children's future, not to mention the fact that they are around him all the time, I wish he would quit. I also see the adverse effects of chronic smoking that I didn't notice at first (because I was in love, I guess.) He is lazy, has no drive or passion, and he can be very irritable when he is low. Do you all, former pot smokers, have any suggestions by which I may nudge my beloved in the direction of soberness without being too nagging? I am really glad I found CannabisRehab.org and I hope you can help!
Thanks
Tired of being the only one

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Hi welcome to the forum.

That’s one of the things with smoking pot, even if you don’t experience some of the other potential side effects, it can become your sole focus and take away your motivation to achieve much else. Lots of people become amotivational from smoking pot. This is probably the main thing you should try to make him understand.

Try to talk to him about it in a calm and understanding manor, you can still get your point across, but like the old saying goes you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If this fails is there anybody else you could turn to for support? Someone who it may listen to. Maybe you could organise some kind of intervention, that may seem a bit drastic to some, but I guess it depends on how big a problem you feel it is.

I wish you the very best of luck.

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

He may well feel you are nagging him, but sometimes we all need a nudge in the right direction. Just as already stated don’t lose your cool.

Try to make him understand the effect it is having on his mind, that and the effect it is having on his lungs. How old are the children? Are they old enough to understand what is going on? If they are how do they feel about it? If they feel the same as you perhaps they should talk to him about it, after all it effects them too. That might be the one thing to make the penny drop.

Don’t give up, I am sure he will thank you for it one day. Good luck!

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

yes, hmmm...
trying to think of friends who don't smoke. Every single person we know smokes, so I am not sure how an intervention would help. Having been a smoker for 24 years, he has learned how not to talk to anyone in his past who has quit, and still includes those who do, including folks in his own family. I am not sure how I would go about finding anyone from whom he would accept intervention.
There otherwise is no calm way to talk to him about it, so I don't. At the mere mention of smoking less, or keeping it hidden from the kids he breaks off into, "why can't you just leave me alone," etc, etc. I have lost all hope in helping him quit. I just don't know what to do.
My children are 11, 6, and 3. The 11 year old knows what is going on and also knows we don't talk about it or mention it ever. I am not sure how to even bring the subject up with her, and I even wonder if she is still too young. She knows how I feel, but she also knows that this is a private matter that daddy doesn't want to talk about. I must mention again that we homeschool, so the kids are around 24-7. He tends to keep his things hidden, but sometimes is forgetful. I just don't want my years of teaching to go to waste because they really just want to be like dad.
Other than those suggestions, which I have already mulled over in my brain, do you have anything else for me?

[Inpatient Outpatient]

My boyfriend was unwilling

I had a boyfriend of almost 3 years and we shared everything together. We were in love and were very committed to each other. That soon went down hill when his pot smoking became chronic. I acutely didn't know before I type in on google that pot can be addicting. Like I saw it with my own eyes with my boyfriend, my own friend, and my boyfriends two friends. They were all chronic smokers. Since those were the people I hung around, they always told me that it was imposable to get addicted to pot.
It is very possible might I say. He was the type of pot smoker that knew he had a problem, and knew it was hurting me, but didn't care. He smoked 3 times a day at the very least. Every time he smoked he smoked around 5 bowls just to get high. He spent a lot of money on weed. His stashes went from a gram and a little over, to half a zip block bag.
He stopped wanting to make love to me. He made every excuse in the book of why he didn't want to. Later on, he openly admitted that he didn't want to do it, because he just doesn't care.
This guy is a really jealous guy. If I hugged another guy, his head would blow of the roof. He was getting so sucked in I wanted to see how is care level was for real. It helps me to see how bad its really getting.
So I told him I was cheating on him. He told me that as long as it keeps my sex drive in order and keeps me happy, then it is fine. I was shocked! My mouth dropped litterly.
I told him later of course that I didn't really cheat on him and it was all a fib.

I asked my boyfriend, one last time if he can cut back and make a real effort on it. He said it would be so simple to cut back, and said he can when he wants any time, he just "didn't" want to. When he told me that he would cut back for the last time (he knew I was getting so stressed) he told me he would, but it isn't a good time right now. I kept asking him why it wouldn't be a good time, it wasn't any different then any other time. He never gave me an answer, which means that he most likely just didn't want to.

He also did a grow op for his dad. He helped do everything in the grow op including delivering and trimming, selling, exchange money, all sorts of things!
They got busted for grow op last week. My ex boyfriend is now getting charged with trafficking, growing with the attempt to sell and selling pot. He is also getting charged with an illegal weapon on him (brass knuckles) I left him that night and even when I left him, he had all his friends come to me trying to defend him and the pot, telling me I made a big mistake. I don't think I did.
As to this day, he is getting charged with those 4 charges (not sure if he is going to jail) I know for a fact he is going to stand in front of that judge and defend that pot, as to him he did nothing wrong. He still smokes heavily till this day, and is still pro pot in all ways.

When I left him I told him its either he quits and goes through the withdrawl and even try just being sober for a week or a month, pure sober, have nothing to do with pot. He basically just gave me the middle finger (he didn't do, its an expression) and just like that, in a heart beat, he didn't want me, because I didn't want to live with the pot life anymore.
I know he still loves me, after almost three years, how can you not, but its amazing how his love for pot is stronger.

I am sorry, I know this isn't a motivating story, but it hurts just as much to be in love with an addict, as to being one yourself. Thanks for your story, it has helped me. I hope mine has helped you!

[TheDude]

I married a man who has been a smoker for 24 years. We have been together for 7 of them. We have three children whom I homeschool. I quit smoking pot 10 years ago and I didn't think that his smoking would bother me. The more I think about my children's future, not to mention the fact that they are around him all the time, I wish he would quit. I also see the adverse effects of chronic smoking that I didn't notice at first (because I was in love, I guess.) He is lazy, has no drive or passion, and he can be very irritable when he is low. Do you all, former pot smokers, have any suggestions by which I may nudge my beloved in the direction of soberness without being too nagging? I am really glad I found CannabisRehab.org and I hope you can help!
Thanks
Tired of being the only one

My life really had to get bad enough for me to detox smoking, and my GF wanted me to quit, as she stopped about 2 years before I did. Personally, I wouldn't have stopped from her trying to steer me in the right direction. When I listen to other people who have quit, it seems the same with them.

Compassionately tell him how you feel.

I wish you and your husband the best.