Announcement

Collapse

If you feel a post is inappropriate

Hi folks,

Just a quick note in regards to the moderation of the group. Sometimes if I am a bit short on time or if we get a lot of posts at once I may have to just skim the overall gist of the posts rather than reading them word for word before I approve them, also we all have a different perspective as to what is acceptable and thus there may sometimes be the odd post that gets through that you may feel is inappropriate. And while this doesn’t seem to happen very often if there is anything that anybody reads and feels is inappropriate then please feel free to either shoot me a PM or use the contact form to let me know and I will always be happy to take another look at it.

Please keep in mind however that a post does have to be quite bad or harmful to the group as a whole for us to delete it, I don’t like to be too heavy handed with that kind of moderation and try to reserve it for only when it is absolutely necessarily as generally I like people to be able to have their say and most things can be ironed out with dialogue and often we can all learn from it, that said if you feel something is inappropriate like I say please feel free to let me know and I will be happy to take another look.


All the best,

Cannabis Rehab Admin

If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 15 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!
See more
See less

My love affair with Mary Jane turned sour.

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • My love affair with Mary Jane turned sour.

    marijuana withdrawal symptoms relief
    Hello everybody,
    First and foremost I would like to thank everyone who has ever contributed to this site. It is an amazing resource which has given me the hope and courage to try and start a new life, free from the dense fog of marijuana.

    I'm a 24 year old male, and I've been coming here for a little over 2 years now. It's insane that it has taken me that long from hitting rock bottom and realising that "ohh wait, my marijuana habit might actually be a problem", to finally deciding I really am going to quit. I've also decided that I'm going to post my story, and hopefully turn it into a rehabilitation journal, where I can come back to 2 years in the future to let everyone know how my life has changed. It has been those sort of posts which have helped me so much, realising I'm not alone, and hearing the benefits of stopping smoking. So I want to give back to this community and possibly I will help someone else.


    I realise this is quite long but it has been a good reflective process for me. I have been able to critically think back about my addiction over the years and how it has affected me. For those who don't want to read it, there's a conclusion at the bottom!

    My story thus far:
    I began smoking when I was around 14, it sounds horrible to actually say I've been smoking for 10 years now. I remember it, sitting around a campfire with some friends. I can say I was more than a little dissapointed. It just made me feel really strange and ill and I wondered why the hell anyone would actually choose to smoke something like that.
    For some reason I continued to smoke anyway. It started off as just a social thing, and I'd only smoke with friends on the weekends. I used to save up my dinner money from that week to buy weed at the weekend which was ridiculous. It wasn't even like I had to, my 3 best friends never smoked, but it was common in the rest of our group. I chose to because... I guess I liked it. It made me feel special.

    I continued to smoke throughout school, even occasionally during school, as I believed it would make me more creative for art lessons and such, when in reality it just usually left me slumped at my desk, too messed up to do anything. After leaving school, I went to college with just 1 of my best friends whilst the other 2 went there seperate ways and we lost contact. It wasn't untill my final friend dropped out of college that I realised I was all alone. I couldn't make anymore friends because I was too shy and felt like a loser. This is when I began smoking alone. I should have realised then how my habit was making me introverted and lonely, but I didn't.
    The next year I finally found a bunch of new friends, and guess what we immediately bonded on!? The fact that we had both gone to the same spot to smoke. I did become great friends with these people, but then the everynight smoking resumed, and so did access to other drugs. The other drugs never phased me, but I could never let go of the weed. We weren't the type of people to go to the pub, I can probably count the amount of times I went out drinking on 1 hand. No, we liked to get high in my friends garage. We thought we were having a great time in our secret society, but thinking about it now, we weren't. We were mundane and lifeless, destroying ourselves with marijuana, destroying our social skills and our brains, spending endless hours just playing video games and eating junk food.

    This went on for two years, until I left my hometown for university. I left my friends behind and went there alone, just me and my weed. But for the whole entire year I was unable to make friends. I just seemed unable to, like I'd never learnt the skills necassary or anything interesting to say at all. I was a nervous, insecure wreck. So, ofcourse, I began smoking even more.. alone. After the first year I quit university because I was so miserable there and returned home. I lived at home for another year, unsure what to do with my future. I picked up a crappy job and began hanging out with some of my old smoker friends again. I even began smoking before work, and at lunch breaks to deal with how miserable my life was. It was horrible having to lie to suspicious colleagues as to why I was clumsy and had red-eye. I felt pathetic. Luckily, around this time I met a girl, we were both unhappy with our lives so we decided to move away together, right across the country and start fresh and return to university. She didn't smoke, but had done, and didn't mind me doing it. We moved into our own place, and now I had the freedom to smoke all the time, whenever I wanted.

    After 2 years our relationship began to deteriorate. I became very unhappy and began to smoke more to mask these feelings. I now smoked all day, everyday. Missing uni lectures, and just doing the bare minimum to survive. Every aspect of my life was suffering because I was just a walking zombie. My depression was really bad because of all this and I was more lonely than ever. I saw weed as my only friend, the only thing helping me get through. In reality though, it was probably the single one thing that was ruining my life. I also felt really guilty because I was totally shut off from my ex, I didn't love her anymore, but she loved me. I wanted to leave but I couldn't, she was also my only friend so I was scared of leaving and being totally alone again. I felt like a terrible person, but I also felt trapped. At the end of this, I spent 6 months straight inside our tiny flat without leaving, doing nothing at all except smoking and playing games. It was about this point that I mentioned I reached rock bottom. I broke down in the middle of the night and my ex rang my parents who then drove for 4 hours to come and get me. I spent two weeks at home without smoking to gather the pieces of myself back together, which was refreshing.

    So I returned back to my uni home with a fresh positive outlook. I found this site and began reading people's stories. I felt inspired. I felt I could do it and change my life around. I set myself rules and believed I would gradually taper down my use. Only after I had done all my work that day, only after 5pm etc etc.. So, after 2 weeks of being home, and being more clear headed, I actually plucked up the courage to ask this guy if he wanted to hang out. It was a blessing and a curse as we became good friends and me and my ex moved in with him and his gf. The only downfall was they were massive stoners, so I went back to smoking all the time. This only lasted a few months as it was a very disfunctional household, as you can imagine.

    Me and my ex moved out, into our own place again, but it was then that our relationship issues again shifted from our horrible housemates to ourselves. We didn't last long after that and eventually split up. I actually stopped smoking for a bit in an effort to rebuild my life, and try and save the last year of my university degree. In another period of serene clarity, I again plucked up the courage to approach a girl and talk to her. We became good friends and eventually lovers. She was also a casual smoker, and soon moved in with me, and we both began to smoke together. I was happy finally. I still couldn't make any friends, but I had just found the best friend of my life, so I was content. We began smoking everyday again though and this really killed my motivation. My insecurities resurfaced and I struggled to do university work and became very fearful of leaving and becoming a professional. I felt like I was useless, and nobody would want me. I ended up failing my final year of univeristy, but rather than suffer in silence I decided to get help from the university and have luckily been allowed to retake the failed module this year.



    So this leads me to now. I want to quit smoking marijuana so that I can become the person I want to be, because looking back on it, it has done nothing but hold me back. It has confused me, made me dumber, and isolated me from myself and the world. I feel like I don't know who I am because of it. It has been such a massive part of my life that I've always just thought that was who I was. "A stoner". I felt that I was special and everyone else was misguided.

    I haven't really ever had any proper friends since school that weren't stoner buddies, and as we all know, they aren't real friends. I don't seem to be able to connect with people that don't smoke. Or maybe it's the way I've grown up? I've inadvertently taught myself not to foster relationships with non-stoners because then I would have to hide who I actually was.

    It never even occured to me in all those years that my depression and social anxiety might be connected with the weed. Even two years ago when the penny finally dropped, it's still taken me two years of denial and guilt to finally admit it. For all those years I believed it was my crutch, my only true friend. I guess it's just a hard pill to swallow that for so long... I was wrong.

    I want to spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend, but I don't want to do it in a cloudy haze. I want to remember my life with her, and make the best clear-headed decisions for us. I want to be the best man I can be for her. Luckily I have her support, and she is also quitting with me.

    I've also got an appointment booked with a counseller, something I probably should have done years ago. It will be good to get an outsiders opinion on everything. To realise that the path I chose in life was not normal, it was one of addiction and misery, and what I have to do now to try and right as many wrongs as possible.


    I'm sorry this post probably has a word count comparable to the entire internet, but it has been good to reflect. I hope at least one person can be helped by this like I have been by previous posts.

    Thank you very much for reading,
    Fallen.
    (Although I will rise again.)
Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
Auto-Saved
Smile :) Stick Out Tongue :p Wink ;) Mad :mad: Big Grin :D Frown :( Embarrassment :o Confused :confused: Roll Eyes (Sarcastic) :rolleyes: Cool :cool: EEK! :eek:
x
Insert: Thumbnail Small Medium Large Fullsize Remove  
x
Working...
X