I started like most people here at fourteen/fifteen. Smoking was fun, once a week, on the weekends, seeing my friends, hanging out with girls, getting high. Then I turned eighteen and started to take the habit more seriously, smoking everyday, shutting myself off from the world. I'm twenty two now. Four years since I started smoking everyday. In those four years I have been arrested twice (both times related directly or indirectly to weed, the first time I was caught with a few grams, the second arrest was because I behaved violently to two strangers because I was so f****** up on cannabis I thought they were out to get me), have been stabbed by a drug dealer, I've lied and stolen from my parents, found myself choosing cannabis over my girlfriend at least a thousand times, lies, lies, lies to everyone, I became more solitary, I, like most other smokers, only wanted to smoke by myself, spent hours by myself, smoking out in the cold, when I could have been at home with my mother or with my girlfriend, but I chose to be alone, getting high.
Does anyone ID with this?
It stops here. At least I hope it does. I can't be sure. The only thing I'm sure of is that I WANT it to stop and I'm going to try everything to stop. The thing is even now I'm still trying to convince myself I'm not an addict. Even though I know there's no difference between me and the heroin addicts begging on the street other than the substance we are both enslaved to. Yesterday I read for nine hours straight, stuff like that which is convincing me I'm not an addict, even now after all I've gone through these four years....
Does anyone ID with this?
It stops here. At least I hope it does. I can't be sure. The only thing I'm sure of is that I WANT it to stop and I'm going to try everything to stop. The thing is even now I'm still trying to convince myself I'm not an addict. Even though I know there's no difference between me and the heroin addicts begging on the street other than the substance we are both enslaved to. Yesterday I read for nine hours straight, stuff like that which is convincing me I'm not an addict, even now after all I've gone through these four years....
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