Will it ever stop?

[LONDON21]

I started like most people here at fourteen/fifteen. Smoking was fun, once a week, on the weekends, seeing my friends, hanging out with girls, getting high. Then I turned eighteen and started to take the habit more seriously, smoking everyday, shutting myself off from the world. I'm twenty two now. Four years since I started smoking everyday. In those four years I have been arrested twice (both times related directly or indirectly to weed, the first time I was caught with a few grams, the second arrest was because I behaved violently to two strangers because I was so f****** up on cannabis I thought they were out to get me), have been stabbed by a drug dealer, I've lied and stolen from my parents, found myself choosing cannabis over my girlfriend at least a thousand times, lies, lies, lies to everyone, I became more solitary, I, like most other smokers, only wanted to smoke by myself, spent hours by myself, smoking out in the cold, when I could have been at home with my mother or with my girlfriend, but I chose to be alone, getting high.

Does anyone ID with this?

It stops here. At least I hope it does. I can't be sure. The only thing I'm sure of is that I WANT it to stop and I'm going to try everything to stop. The thing is even now I'm still trying to convince myself I'm not an addict. Even though I know there's no difference between me and the heroin addicts begging on the street other than the substance we are both enslaved to. Yesterday I read for nine hours straight, stuff like that which is convincing me I'm not an addict, even now after all I've gone through these four years....

[Alice]

Hi there LONDON,

I can really relate to your post because the underbelly, or that gritty part of society was one of the things that really irked me about cannabis use. I would have done anything to get out of that culture and I am so happy that I have done so. I feel as though it holds us down and holds us back. The cannabis culture has obviously already had some negative impacts on your life!

I guess you can spend time squabbling over whether you are an addict or not. The thing that tells me that you are an addict is the fact that you chose cannabis over your girlfriend and your mother on numerous occasions. If you are doing things you don’t agree with just to get your fix, that would be addiction if you ask me.

It is also this very fact that is going to be the challenge when you quit. When any of us quit there is conflict between our superego or conscience wanting to quit and that addicted part of our brain that will do ANYTHING for a fix. It can seem impossible, but I think there is a real skill that can be developed to experience the cravings and the withdrawal and the urges without judgment and continuing towards your goal in any case.

There is a book that can help you do this. It is called The Happiness Trap and if you can find a psychologist specialising in ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy this will help you ALOT. In terms of what you can do right now, today to strengthen your mind is to do what you have been doing - read and read everything you can find about other people who have succeeded and quit and post about your thoughts and feelings. This is one of the best ways to develop a positive mindset that will allow you to finally succeed and quit!

Good luck and let us know how you are going.

Cheers,
Alice

[LONDON21]

Hey Alice,
I completely agree. In this country, especially London, cannabis is associated with a myriad of bad, seedy culture (gangs, knife violence, other, harder drugs) so by quitting canabbis I'm also taking myself out of this culture which is probably much more dangerous to me than cannabis is. I'm on day four right now. Last night was the first time I had trouble sleeping. But other than that I have no withdrawal symptoms, well, except for cravings for the drug itself. I'll give those books a look. Will have the money to buy them now that I'm not spending it on weed.

I think this community will help a lot.
Thanks for your response

[Sunshine]

Where I currently live (also UK) I am able to obtain cannabis in a fairly civilised manner but that is probably because I am older and wouldn't have to smoke on the street or associate too much with dealers. Plus would never get cannabis 'on tick' (credit) like a lot of people do as had a steady income most of the time so no reason to get into trouble with a dealer (know most of them from way back anyway). I do recall a different experience when younger and in other cities where you might have to enter very dodgy areas because you just didn't have civilised contacts.

Was quite shocked reading about your being stabbed LONDON21; it was a stark reminder of the many different experiences people have with cannabis. I truly hope you can beat the addiction and cut your ties with that seedy underbelly permanently. Well done reaching day 4, you can do this!

Best of luck,
Sunshine

[LONDON21]

Believe it or not, I wasn't stabbed for ticking cro, I was stabbed for, and I quote, 'looking at him funny'