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Hi guys, firstly I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read my post. Any help/advice is greatly appreciated. My names David, I’m 23 years old, I’ve been smoking (on and off) probably since around I was 18.
During my teenage years, I never suffered with any kind of anxiety/depression, to be honest I didn’t even understand it (boy was I lucky.) I picked up smoking during a slightly difficult time of being kicked out by my parents for various religious reasons, in brief my parents being quite religious didn’t like the fact I was dating someone from a different faith. I moved out with a friend from school and during this period of roughly 1 year of living alone at 18, I started smoking and as it usually does, the intake carried on growing and growing.. I felt like I was in an amazing place despite running up debts, no family, few friends etc. I soon moved back home for various reasons - I started to see eye to eye with my parents, my parents have given me loads of support since, which I can’t be more greatful for as I know a lot of people aren’t so lucky.
It was during this time I started to see changes in my behaviour, I had gone from smoking 1/8th a week to nearby smoking an Oz with my best friend (he lives next door to me so was always very convenient.) I suffered my first panic/anxiety attack which I went to A&E and it really threw me back, I couldn’t understand what happened to me, I suddenly saw myself looking at my life and questioning what the real point was? It was around this stage I figured something had to change. Reluctant to believe it was the weed that was forcing me down this route, my dad got me in touch with a service in Nottingham called last orders (basically to help people with addiction stop.) This was fantastic for me, going from feeling there was no way out and nothing I could do to fix myself, to actually believing there is some kind of light.. eventually.
Around 8 months passed by since I’d quit cold turkey, it was difficult but as most of you I’m sure understand, day by day it gets easier and you take control of your life bit by bit.
With my life being at a good point, at a party with my friends as a joint was being passed around and a few friends egging me on (great friends) I smoked for the first time again. It felt strange but to have that familiar feeling back was nice for a brief time. This lead me to believe I could start smoking again here and there and just enjoy it for what is it. Making excuses about why I quit last time for example ‘oh you had a lot going on, you would have had problems even without weed.’ So here I was again, my weed consumption gradually increasing until once again, I hit a block of panic attacks etc, only this time knowing exactly what the cause was I set about quitting straight away and also with the symptoms not being as bad as last time, this was far easier.
(One thing I’ve forgotten to mention and I am sorry this is so long winded, ever since smoking or as long as I remember, I’ve suffered with bad nightmares, generally they will occur every night and very very vivid. Some people say they only get vivid dreams when they quit smoking, however mine was constant. It only seems to ease off towards the end of my period of around 8 months weed free.)
So 2/3 weeks went by with no smoking and started to feel myself again and as you can all imagine what happened next, I started to smoke again, the reason behind this time I can’t really remember now? Flash forward maybe a year from then and we are here. 😊 Now we’re up to speed with my fantastic life.
Another thing I should mention is I work for a large finance company doing telesales. It’s not the best job in the world but the people are nice and I can’t say I hate my job (as much as it feels natural to do so.) Around 7 weeks ago I’d been signed off by my GP for 4 weeks for stress/anxiety, during this time, you can only imagine how I spent most of my days. Smoking all day from morning to night, sleeping at 3am and waking up at 2pm. No purpose whatsoever. I’ve been back at work for around 2/3 weeks now and I’m working full time again. However my weed intake has gradually been increasing (bank balance decreasing) and this Saturday just gone, I’d experienced my first panic attack for a very long time. I haven’t spoke with my parents about this, as I feel I’ve told them I’m going to stop smoking twice now and I don’t want to come across as like a joke, full of empty promises and I’m also sure it’s not nice for any parents to hear their kids are going through addiction problems.. it’s not fair on them.
I want to stop smoking, I really do. In the sense that I hate the negative effects it has on my life and the way it effects the relationships with my friends/family etc. However I always find myself going back to it no matter how hard I try to distance myself. I have always thought of the benefits of moderation however never have the self control to be able to do so.
I feel honestly quite lost and I don’t know what to do or where to turn. My best friend I’d mentioned before is such a fantastic help and is 100% committed to helping me for the better, so I do have someone to talk to about this kind of a topic.
I don’t have loads of questions on how to quit etc as I understand it’s so different for each person. I just want to know of other people’s experiences I guess? I have tried quitting cold turkey... twice and both have ended up in the same position I’m in now. Can I bring everything into moderation? Trying to smoke once a week? I doubt it. Can I quite cold turkey and not go back to it again? I doubt it.
😔
Thanks for reading anyway guys and sorry for the bad grammar etc, I didn’t manage to read back through everything. I hope everyone out there is feeling fantastic today.
David. ❤️
During my teenage years, I never suffered with any kind of anxiety/depression, to be honest I didn’t even understand it (boy was I lucky.) I picked up smoking during a slightly difficult time of being kicked out by my parents for various religious reasons, in brief my parents being quite religious didn’t like the fact I was dating someone from a different faith. I moved out with a friend from school and during this period of roughly 1 year of living alone at 18, I started smoking and as it usually does, the intake carried on growing and growing.. I felt like I was in an amazing place despite running up debts, no family, few friends etc. I soon moved back home for various reasons - I started to see eye to eye with my parents, my parents have given me loads of support since, which I can’t be more greatful for as I know a lot of people aren’t so lucky.
It was during this time I started to see changes in my behaviour, I had gone from smoking 1/8th a week to nearby smoking an Oz with my best friend (he lives next door to me so was always very convenient.) I suffered my first panic/anxiety attack which I went to A&E and it really threw me back, I couldn’t understand what happened to me, I suddenly saw myself looking at my life and questioning what the real point was? It was around this stage I figured something had to change. Reluctant to believe it was the weed that was forcing me down this route, my dad got me in touch with a service in Nottingham called last orders (basically to help people with addiction stop.) This was fantastic for me, going from feeling there was no way out and nothing I could do to fix myself, to actually believing there is some kind of light.. eventually.
Around 8 months passed by since I’d quit cold turkey, it was difficult but as most of you I’m sure understand, day by day it gets easier and you take control of your life bit by bit.
With my life being at a good point, at a party with my friends as a joint was being passed around and a few friends egging me on (great friends) I smoked for the first time again. It felt strange but to have that familiar feeling back was nice for a brief time. This lead me to believe I could start smoking again here and there and just enjoy it for what is it. Making excuses about why I quit last time for example ‘oh you had a lot going on, you would have had problems even without weed.’ So here I was again, my weed consumption gradually increasing until once again, I hit a block of panic attacks etc, only this time knowing exactly what the cause was I set about quitting straight away and also with the symptoms not being as bad as last time, this was far easier.
(One thing I’ve forgotten to mention and I am sorry this is so long winded, ever since smoking or as long as I remember, I’ve suffered with bad nightmares, generally they will occur every night and very very vivid. Some people say they only get vivid dreams when they quit smoking, however mine was constant. It only seems to ease off towards the end of my period of around 8 months weed free.)
So 2/3 weeks went by with no smoking and started to feel myself again and as you can all imagine what happened next, I started to smoke again, the reason behind this time I can’t really remember now? Flash forward maybe a year from then and we are here. 😊 Now we’re up to speed with my fantastic life.
Another thing I should mention is I work for a large finance company doing telesales. It’s not the best job in the world but the people are nice and I can’t say I hate my job (as much as it feels natural to do so.) Around 7 weeks ago I’d been signed off by my GP for 4 weeks for stress/anxiety, during this time, you can only imagine how I spent most of my days. Smoking all day from morning to night, sleeping at 3am and waking up at 2pm. No purpose whatsoever. I’ve been back at work for around 2/3 weeks now and I’m working full time again. However my weed intake has gradually been increasing (bank balance decreasing) and this Saturday just gone, I’d experienced my first panic attack for a very long time. I haven’t spoke with my parents about this, as I feel I’ve told them I’m going to stop smoking twice now and I don’t want to come across as like a joke, full of empty promises and I’m also sure it’s not nice for any parents to hear their kids are going through addiction problems.. it’s not fair on them.
I want to stop smoking, I really do. In the sense that I hate the negative effects it has on my life and the way it effects the relationships with my friends/family etc. However I always find myself going back to it no matter how hard I try to distance myself. I have always thought of the benefits of moderation however never have the self control to be able to do so.
I feel honestly quite lost and I don’t know what to do or where to turn. My best friend I’d mentioned before is such a fantastic help and is 100% committed to helping me for the better, so I do have someone to talk to about this kind of a topic.
I don’t have loads of questions on how to quit etc as I understand it’s so different for each person. I just want to know of other people’s experiences I guess? I have tried quitting cold turkey... twice and both have ended up in the same position I’m in now. Can I bring everything into moderation? Trying to smoke once a week? I doubt it. Can I quite cold turkey and not go back to it again? I doubt it.
😔
Thanks for reading anyway guys and sorry for the bad grammar etc, I didn’t manage to read back through everything. I hope everyone out there is feeling fantastic today.
David. ❤️
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