Trying to quit :)

[manix]

Hi everyone,

I don't want to go into details about my life but I'm a 26 years old student and I've been smoking weed for 4 years now.
I've decided to quit because I realize that other than the time that I'm stoned and happy, I'm mostly feeling miserable. I also realized that coping with my feelings by smoking weed comes with a cost, which I'm paying now.
I've never had any depression or anxiety problems before in my life (well, maybe minor ones that went away in a few days count) but now I'm on my first week of quitting and the withdrawal symptoms are too much to bear.

I'd like to explain what I'm going through because just talking about it helps and I'm hoping it would help others as it helps me.
I've tried quitting weed a few times before and I couldn't last more than a week...every time I relapse and I start smoking more than I used to.

The first time was the most difficult - I felt lost and it felt like I don't know who I am anymore. I lived the day minute by minute waiting for it to end so I can go to sleep and shut my brain down, but ironically, when I do go to sleep, the only thing I could think of is how miserable tomorrow would be. I had many panic attacks, headaches, constant stomach pains and I had no idea what I like to do and what I don't since nothing made me happy anymore...and so I relapsed.

The second time was also difficult - I kind of had a sense of who I am but I had no idea what to do with my life. I had no ambitions whatsoever and no willpower to work and get what I need in my life. I've also had a few panic attacks (less than before), stomach pain and headaches... and so I relapsed, again.

I'd like to believe that the third time is a charm since this is my third time trying to quit. It's been a week now and I feel a much better progress than the first 2 times. I started exercising , forcing myself to go out with friends and laugh and I started learning how to cook.
I don't feel any headaches and I don't have any panic attacks anymore but the stomach pain and the lost in appetite just won't go away...I do take that as progress though .

I'd like to ask for tips from people who could overcome their addiction and had similar symptoms to mine...It would really help.

To be honest, I don't regret smoking weed. It's been one of the best experiences I've had in my life before I got to know the consequences.
Deep down I don't want to quit for good. I want to come to a point where I can control my weed income and only smoke on occasions.

I'm sorry for the long post... I didn't realize I'd type this much since I'm not much of a talker.
I wish everyone good luck with their quitting and I want to say that I'm glad I found this place

[Alice]

Hey there Manix,

Congrats on your quit. As you quite astutely observed, your withdrawal symptoms get better on every attempt. I have experienced this too, with numerous addictions. It does seem that we learn and grow with each attempt. From your writing I can tell that it is not just the addiction to cannabis which you are getting stronger at overcoming. It is clear that you are growing as a person too.

I find that the skills it takes to overcome an addiction can help us to cope with other hurdles in our lives. We become better at not reacting to every little sensation and urge, and for me personally, I feel like my skills in mindfulness have been developing over the years, so that now, when a troublesome thought comes along, I am so much more able to acknowledge it, and let it go.

I don't regret smoking weed either (mostly). It was fun while it lasted, and it provided a unique experience. I have learnt though, that it is probably not possible to go back to occasional smoking. You observed this in yourself when you relapse and smoke more than you used to. The way it works is that cannabis opens up all these dopamine receptors in our brains. When we quit, these receptors starve and because dopamine is such a feel good and motivational neurochemical, that is why the withdrawal symptoms can feel so awful. With time though, these receptors shut down or die off. Then we feel better. The only problem is that one spliff, and the receptors ALL open up again and demand to be fed. That is why mostly, people can hold occasional use for a couple of weeks or a month, or so, but it will creep in and we get back to the level of use from before.

I know that this might be a bit of a blow, but from the other side, I would say that after 2.5 years quit, I am STILL noticing benefits of being cannabis free. I think this is because before I smoked regularly, I would smoke occasionally, and it still affected my mind and my balance. I probably haven't gone 2.5 years without cannabis since I was sixteen, and to be honest, I feel much better for it.

If you can view your quit as a journey, and that this is integrated in a larger purpose of growing and learning as a person, I think that you will find with time that you really thrive without cannabis in your life. I don't miss it. Not even a bit. I don't even want an 'occasional smoke.' And like you, I loved the effect of it. I loved the flight. I just get more out of life without it. It is your addiction talking. After a year or so without it there is no pull, not even a psychological pull, in my experience.

With regard to your specific withdrawal symptoms, I would suggest searching this forum and elsewhere for people who have had similar experiences. It can be very supportive.

And let us know how you are going! You will always be welcome here

Cheers,
Alice

[Cannabis Rehab Guest]

7 days and no looking back

Hello all, first off I'd like to say that realizing that you want better for yourself is the reason we seek out a sober life. I kicked once a few years ago for about 90 days and had a self propelled relapse feeling that I was missing out on something. This led to me falling deeper into a slump and ultimately losing more money and the love of my life thus far. I think about it all the time. It's amazing how we lose touch of our feelings which makes it almost impossible to love anyone else. Everyone is different, some people can use drugs or alcohol with limited effect on their personal lives or at least maybe that's what we would like to believe. For addicts it is very important to keep ourselves focused on the bigger picture. There is happiness in life without falling into the "gap". It's no fun living a life where you constantly are trying to sustain an unhealthy habit. It is nothing to be ashamed of either. I currently have 7 glorious days under my belt and am so proud I just want to continue moving forward. I Have tried several different substances and haven't had too much trouble stopping any of them except pot. Alot of people will try to make weed seem like less of a danger than some other hard narcotics but trust when I say you can behave just as badly if you let anything get out of hand. Don't let anyone discourage you guys by saying that " oh,its just weed you can handle it" believe in yourself first that is one of the most important steps. We can do anything we set our minds too. Good luck to all on your journey and when things may feel like they are getting out of control take a deep breath, remember the beautiful person that will be waiting on the other side, YOU!!! and take it one day at a time.