I'm really struggling rite now guys

[Drug Rehab Chick]

I'm really struggling rite now guys...my abusive ex rang my parents and they have told me they will not support me in seeking a protection order...I go to court on Tuesday. Now I'm faced with the prospect of going it alone, while he will have his family(who he has assaulted me in front of!) there, and mine behind him....needless to say, my feelings of worthlessness have increased...if your own parents aren't going to stand with you against a man who they know has assaulted me (lots) and verbally abused my girls and me daily...what does that say??? I am so upset, angry and frightened rite now and all I want to do is get stoned...my mind is telling me I should cos it would calm me down...my heart won't let me go back though. Even though I shouldn't be surprised...they'v never been supportive, I just have an overwhelming sense of isolation. Of being worth less than nothing...I'm so scared that I'll relapse...or go crazy...even though I know I am doing the right thing. Don't think there's really any advice anyone can give me right now...just really needed to vent! I'm on this cannabis rehab site rite now instead of having a j, so thats a positive.

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

I am so sorry to hear that, it’s amazing what some people can get away with and still manage to keep people on their side, I have met some right tyrants in my time and it never fails to amaze me just what a hold they can have over people, (usually because they are sacred of them too) and if life has taught me one thing, it’s that doing the right thing doesn’t always make you popular, but thankfully these days I have finally realised that it doesn’t really matter what others think, it’s us who determine our sense of self worth not them and as long as we do what we truly believe to be right, we have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.

You refuse to let this guy have power over you any longer, even if others don’t, that takes courage and you are doing what you believe to be right, so you have no reason to feel worthless. Sure it hurts when people are not in our corner, especially when it’s our family, but believe me blood is a hell of a lot thicker than water and even if they don’t agree with what you are doing, I am sure it’s you they love a whole lot more than him. It sounds like you have every right to be disappointed in them, sometimes people do disappoint us in life especially those we love, just focus on your inner strength and the love you share with your daughters to help get you through.

Be strong and try not to let others grind you down, you are worth so much more than that.

With love and sympathy.

BFB

[lastchance]

I'm destressed by your message, you've been doing so well. Might sound a bit gay but i am ashamed to be a bloke sometimes by the way men use there strenght, power and maybe even charm to cause distress to others.

I've just got home and was a bit stressed with my little girl and thought a J would be nice and calm me down. But then i reminded myself that actually it stopped calming me down a long time ago and actually made things worse. I don't know if that was the same for you? But just a thought. Now that i have been feeling better i keep remembering the good feelings associated with pot rather than all the pain it's caused me.

I support you, sorry probably not much of a comfort! I hope you can laugh at that!

Take care and all the best of luck on Tue.

[Drug Rehab Chick]

Thank u, bfb..I have just spent the night at my bro and sis in laws and feel much better now, what's more I haven't caved and had a j so I'm really proud of myself...If I can resist the urge thru this I am getting much stronger and capable than I was a few weeks ago when any little thing would be enough for me to want to get stoned. None of my family knows about the pot problem, but talking to my bro tonight really helped me to see that its their problem and not an indication of my worth....ironically, he said very similar things to you and opened up about lots to me as well (you have probably guessed we had a kinda dysfunctional childhood)...still not comfortable in telling him but its good to know I can when I do. Still having times when I'm upset but they'r not as often as they were...and I'm gonna be emotional and quick to get upset cos of the whole pot thing. Thankyou for your encouragement....you're so right, I'm worth so much more than that...and I have 4 girls who love me and think I rock, despite my faults and failings...that means more to me than anything and always will...I'm gonna be a kickin grandma too without pot...so many reasons to keep straight and not one reason good enough to go back to it....that to me is true progress. It would be so much harder without you guys though so thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

[needabreak]

u'v made the right coice not to smoke-

sympathies dude-its a tough time-u did a strong thing in gettn on th rehab group instead of smokn pot-a big well done-

i cant giv a right choice of things to do now-but inside me i'm hopen that u get thro this tough time-and u will-ur children know who the main person in their lives are-and thats u-wen time moves on (as it will) they will remember who was ther for them-people who make the wrong choice (ur ex ur parents etc) dont realise the passing of time and the regrets that they will have wen they look back to now-

pot was screwin u up-life is kicking u in th teeth-have the strength to continue to make th right choice now and u will look back at this time with pride and happiness-life does get better-it will-just hang in ther dude in this really tough time-u have my hopes-

[Drug Rehab Chick]

Thank you last chance...I agree, pot did stop calming me down ages ago. And one of the things I'm most proud of is that I still haven't caved and had a j...if I buckled now I would feel even more pathetic and I'm not going there again. Nobody promised that life was going to be peachy and there will always be a reason to smoke (especially when ur life is like a soap opera) but I am holding on to my reasons not to smoke..my kids and my precious little grand daughter, due in August..can't wait to meet her. They far outweigh any 'positive' that dope can bring. I'm so grateful to you for the encouragement and empathy and so glad that I did what the Rehab Admin suggested and came onto this cannabis rehab site instead of opting for the easy option of bombing my brain to numbness again. I also fight the whole having a j thing when my kids are playing up..I used to tell myself it was for their benefit cos I was so placid and calm...the excuses we use!!! I might not feel good about my life atm, but I do feel good about what the future can offer cos I'm back in control. It is more of a comfort than you know that I have your support, simply because you know the battle I am in and the lies your brain can tell...and because at least you as a man do not excuse the abuse other men can dish out..for the record, I feel the same way about women at times....I don't think its a gender thing, just a people thing. Respect and compassion doesn't have a sex and neither do the opposites. I'm proud of all of us cos we're doing something positive and good for ourselves and our loved ones, even though it is hard and we are all on each others side, regardless of who we are or our circumstances. Thats just so important.

[Drug Rehab Chick]

Thank you need a break..you're so right, and my children are so worth it...so am I for that matter. Life without pot is better in lots of ways, but a real struggle emotionally cos I am forced to come up with positive strategies for dealing with the hurts, and I have that constant battle with my brain when it says "go have a j..you know it'll make you feel better". I have the perfect motivation though..I do not want to see the look of disappointment on the faces of my children, should I go back, so I simply can't...the 3 who know are so proud of me and when they look back, I want them to know that in the end, nothing their mummy went through was more important to her than them. Besides, at one stage, my 14 y/o was suggesting I go to my room and have a j when I was upset or hurting..she has learnt that from me...thats a hard thing to come to grips with and something I'm very committed to changing...my duty to them is to show them positive ways to deal with things and thats not getting stoned! I have no doubt I can do this...its a long hard road but worth it. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Just knowing you're on my side (even if you are a stranger!)means so much and has made a difficult struggle a little easier to bear. Thanks dude...

[needabreak]

thanks

thanks dude-i appreciated that-i'm getting it a bit tough recently and am a bit of an emotional wreck-its because my brain is like coming to terms with not having its normal chemicals-i know its gona be like that for a while and just have to accept it-we all do if we want to keep getting better-u'r doing great-dont let the addicted part of ur brain take control-u wana stop-keep the choice in that area-i know we all have a bit in our brains that will lead us astray-u'v made the right (i mispelt the word and it said "fight", which is appropriate too) choice-i have made the right choice-we just need the strength and support to get us ther-

one day i was for quitting CannabisRehab.org and i got a thanks from u and it kept me in it-thanks dude-we all need a pat on the back-for a while wen we stop smoking all we can see are negatives-these will change to positives-we just have to hang in ther for now-stay strong!

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

Thank you

I would just like to thank you too needabreak, you have become a valued member of this community and your input is always supportive, bravely honest and wise. I am sure that your contribution has helped many others, for every person that posts here there are hundreds who don’t, but still rely on the content you guys create to aid their recovery. I would like to thank everybody who posts, every single one of you, you are helping so many others, we really do need you, thank you.

Take care

[Drug Rehab Chick]

Yes...Need a Break...I don't think you will ever truly know how much you and the others have helped me..Ur a very cool dude and straight down the line....I quite often cum here and read your posts cos u have a way of putting things that I really get....I'm concerned for you now cos ur doing so well and I hate to think of you doubting urself or giving up...come on...you know you 2 r worth it...The emotions are the hardest part for me too....as you can imagine I'm pretty fragile at times rite now... I suffer from an anxiety disorder anyway..my drug counseller is doing something called cognative behavioural therapy with me and its working wonders...I highly recommend it if you just can't get past those thoughts that make you want to die....or use...or make you feel worthless...just remember THEY ARE NOT TRUE!!!! WE all struggle at times and atm we're all relying pretty heavily on each other for support, which is great...we all need that so much. As for you..please don't give up...so many people are on your side and want you to succeed...not just with quitting pot, but with having a healthy, productive and happy life. We both know that if we continue on the pot route, nothing will change...our lives will remain directionless, unhappy and chaotic...been there...done that...sooo over it now! My motivation is my children and my grandbaby...I have pictures of them everywhere to remind me y this is stopping now...I have also posted notes on my wall saying "This won't stop until you make it stop" and "U have the power now"..cos thats the simple truth...both of us could still b rite where we are rite now in 3 yrs time..the only thing that will change that reality is to stop. now. 4 good. No matter how hard it gets, just remember what u told me...its gonna get betta...you'r a wise man. Give urself a hug from me and hold onto the fact that the people on this cannabis rehab site have nothing but respect and admiration for your efforts, your encouragement, your honesty and your uniqueness...Peace, Love and Happy thoughts

[Drug Rehab Chick]

PS> Even though you're having a tough time, you have still come on here and posted something to encourage me...that says a lot to me about your character. Thank you.

[Drug Rehab Chick]

Hi guys....its 4:30am on Tues and I am very nervous...court in 4 1/2 hrs. Really scared about whats going to happen cos the dv people have told me that I prob won't get the protection order....the laws say there has to be an 'incident' in the last 2 weeks and apart from nasty texts, which are threatening to me but don't actually contain threats (trust me, when this guy says he's coming ova, its a threat!) he's kept away and I'm not stupid enough to agree to c him, hence there's been no opportunity for him to commit further violence. Been up since 3, my mind racing...so scared to see him and the mocking, superier look he will have in his eyes....devastated that his family will be rite by him, supporting him (as they should, I guess)..but they took me home after the last big incident...I was a mess...and I love them dearly...trying to logic my way around the fact that they'll b there 4 him when they know exactly what he has done...I'm angry at them too cos in a way its enabling him....saying its ok, we'll still support you even though we were there when you bruised her, when you humiliated her..when you left her miles from her kids and stole her fone and car....I just can't come to terms with it all atm...too much. Just seems kinda warped to stick up for him this time, when they witnessed it...when they saw what the effect was...I was a mess. But, oddly enough, I'm not craving a j....I'm in a defiant mood...and rite or wrong, the fact that I am not smoking dope gives me a sense of being in control, even now....like I'm one up on him cos he's an alcoholic and I know he spent last nite getting plastered, cos he does every nite...I don't no what kind of a person that makes me but its helping to sustain me atm so I'm going with it....just so regretful about the whole pot thing anyway...and I know he'll bring it up...but this way I can honestly say that not only am I working on my addiction...I'm not using...I'm holding onto that cos I'm proud of it, even though the courts will prob not c it the same way. Anyway, just wanted to encourage all of you that no matter what ur going thru in ur life, please don't quit trying.....hold onto ur power, no matter what people say..it might have been the wrong choice to smoke, but what we're doing now is the rite choice..completely...I'll be alright, so will u guys. Just wanted to reassure u all (and me) of that.

[needabreak]

its all good dude

thanks hippychick-i got all that-i pledge now to say no to pot-i'll think about ur words of encouragement and urs bfb-they do mean a lot even tho ther fro the great cyberworld-i know ur real people in the real world with real stuff to deal with-good on yous-i need to commit to stopping-just recently i'v discovered this and now i need to think about it-think about wat i need to stop-think about wat i have done to me-

ur words of encouragenment mean a lot-think about u and wat ur doing to u-i mean anyone and everyone-is that the way it has to stay-ur so right-i'v fell back into smoking so many times and b4 i know it 3 months have clouded past-xmas comes and goes-not this time dude-i cant say never but i'm workin on it-

[Drug Rehab Chick]

Just got back from court. I got a temp protection order...he's going to fite the permanent one. Really really upset rite now cos his folks were at the front door, which was intimidating, he lied to the judge, which was expected...but what was unexpected and what has really hurt is that not only are his parents supporting him, they are actively supporting him...his mother allowed him to take a very personal letter apologising for pushing her (it was on the occasion of the last assault when she tried to stop me from leaving the house...I was freaking out...really scared and having flashbaks and needed to get away from him)..I have been consumed by guilt ever since, even though I know y it happened..I was freaking out...hence the apology. I feel so betrayed. So very very betrayed. The court support worker said that it doesn't matter cos it won't hold any weight...it wasn't an assault (even tho 2 b honest I feel like **** 4 doing that 2 her) and anyone would do the same in a threatening situation...it wasn't malicious...never thought I would, one of the most non violent people around...hate it!but I'd never been assaulted in front of that many people b4 and they all just stood around!! My big heartbreak is that she has used a heartfelt and very sincere apology against me to aid a son who has abused me, my children, his ex, her grandson and many others. It crushes me. Cos she knows what went on. She knows!!! How can she do that??? I am so very glad I took this course of action to protect the next poor woman at least a bit. Now I have to consider what to do bout his son...I'm not there 2 protect him any more..do I get nasty and contact his ex..join forces against him? So confused. It also means I'll hav 2 defend myself against god knows what...definately the pot thing...so more shame and humiliation are in store...its times like this that its just so hard not to bomb myself. I really really really don't like this reality. I really really don't like this life. I am so ashamed of my choices....I thought I had it covered, but didn't expect the rush of panic and fear I got from seeing him...knew it wud be hard, but underestimated how hard..I was shaking so much in the courtroom...Please...somebody tell me its gonna b ok!! I haven't had a j....but I am just so close...I just want to die cos it hurts so much. Don't know if I yet have the strength 4 whats to cum and I hav 2 pull myself 2getha 4 my kids sake...I can't relapse...I just can't...its way too important...but I am having so much trouble with this. Really despairing. Please guys...help me!!!

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

I feel so sorry for you, it sounds like you really need some support, is there anybody you can turn to like your brother and sister in law? It sounds like they were quite supportive the last time, if there are any friends or family you could call right now who would be supportive, I would strongly suggest you do so, it sounds like you really need them. If not then I hope we can be of some support.

It’s easy when there are many standing against us to feel guilty and as if we are in the wrong, but the fact that there is more of them than there is of you does not make them right, as Gandhi said “you can be in the minority of one and still be right”. Like you say you are not just doing this for yourself, it may benefit other women in the future, turning to his ex’s for support may not be a bad idea, especially if they have been through the same.

Stay strong, you have been so strong so far, you will be ok and this won’t last forever.

Lots of love and sympathy.

Take care