5 weeks potfree just started for me one hour ago and i need to leave my self a reminder-my brain has rewrote the rules for life and its way off the mark-i just realised about 3 hours ago that maybe i'm addicted to pot and that it was screwing up my life-that sounds strange but its a marker of wer my head's at-until i stopped this time i was smoking 20 joints a day every day-i mean i'm overkill wen it comes to bad habits-i'm lucky heroin wasnt that available wer i live in 90s-coke hit at the stage wen i knew i was fu'ckd anyway-so luckily i was too screwd up to ruin myself with that-
remember back-going out to the bridge to get smoke-on my own-living my life cut off from the world-people close to me said they couldnt relate to me-no wonder-i was messed-still am-think about ur sons-they'r like me-sooner or later they are gone say-da-fu'ck off-ur mixed up and mental-live like dracula in a darkend world and ur only bit of pleasure's gona b with urself-u know it-think of all those days in with the curtains pulled and kettle continuing to boil-smoke smoke smoke-u c ur boys half the week-that leaves me to spend the rest of the week with me-and i aint much fun-sitting in praying for rain so i can hide behind my hood-hating the brightness of the sun-wat a way to live-that aint no way to live-
its taken 4 full weeks to accept that i'v a problem-wen i stoppd it was as the name suggests-a time for a break-but ther's more to it than that-this is a bigger issue than i thought-think about it-wat has changed in the last 4 weeks-not much except that i aint been smoking and so i'm cleaning out my system-its an example of how deeply ingrained drugs hav got into my system-i was filled to the gills with pot-right into my bone marrow-my head's a bit mad yet-i go nower-well i go places but i pray for rain yet so that noone else will be there-i go to empty places cause i dont need people to see my long face and even think ther's something wrong-ther is something wrong-i'v taken all the good out of life and replaced it with depression-i dont know if its the drugs or the world or me-the name needabreak might have to change to needtostopforeverbeforeicantpullbackfrombeingmad-my dreams have come back but not too much-i am healthier but i know i'v a long while to go yet-
too many times life was concealed behind being stoned-living a life stoned 100% of the time gets too much-i need to keep going on this trail-i need to take my oil-i need to know that the only option that i have open to me is to continue to stay pot free-and now that i can see that i'v worked my brain into a stoner recptor nonparadise and has to be slowly changed around-it will take time-i just dont know how much time-its okay to have a bad day-someone who hasnt smoked themselves into this state might find it hard to understand-how can i explain it to me-no life no joy no fun no hope-no wishes no dreams-now i know that in the last 4 weeks i'v laughed more than the year b4 that-i know it now-u have laughed-but that cloud has to be dispersed-i need to find the method to get that cloud to lift-from tomorrow wen the black mist descends i'm going to work out-get some andrenaline pumping and see if that works-this letting urself get low cant go on-i need to take it by the scruff of the neck and try a bit harder-
bring on the next 4 weeks-it will get better-its up to me to sort it-its up 2 me to work more at fixing me-i'v got too many false highs in th past-its as if i'v used up my fair share of life's highs and have now left myself with none-but i know that aint the way life works-dont worry it will get better-4 weeks is a short time-but think back to not being able to stop smokin pot for a day-4 weeks is an achievment-i can do it-i will do it-
remember back-going out to the bridge to get smoke-on my own-living my life cut off from the world-people close to me said they couldnt relate to me-no wonder-i was messed-still am-think about ur sons-they'r like me-sooner or later they are gone say-da-fu'ck off-ur mixed up and mental-live like dracula in a darkend world and ur only bit of pleasure's gona b with urself-u know it-think of all those days in with the curtains pulled and kettle continuing to boil-smoke smoke smoke-u c ur boys half the week-that leaves me to spend the rest of the week with me-and i aint much fun-sitting in praying for rain so i can hide behind my hood-hating the brightness of the sun-wat a way to live-that aint no way to live-
its taken 4 full weeks to accept that i'v a problem-wen i stoppd it was as the name suggests-a time for a break-but ther's more to it than that-this is a bigger issue than i thought-think about it-wat has changed in the last 4 weeks-not much except that i aint been smoking and so i'm cleaning out my system-its an example of how deeply ingrained drugs hav got into my system-i was filled to the gills with pot-right into my bone marrow-my head's a bit mad yet-i go nower-well i go places but i pray for rain yet so that noone else will be there-i go to empty places cause i dont need people to see my long face and even think ther's something wrong-ther is something wrong-i'v taken all the good out of life and replaced it with depression-i dont know if its the drugs or the world or me-the name needabreak might have to change to needtostopforeverbeforeicantpullbackfrombeingmad-my dreams have come back but not too much-i am healthier but i know i'v a long while to go yet-
too many times life was concealed behind being stoned-living a life stoned 100% of the time gets too much-i need to keep going on this trail-i need to take my oil-i need to know that the only option that i have open to me is to continue to stay pot free-and now that i can see that i'v worked my brain into a stoner recptor nonparadise and has to be slowly changed around-it will take time-i just dont know how much time-its okay to have a bad day-someone who hasnt smoked themselves into this state might find it hard to understand-how can i explain it to me-no life no joy no fun no hope-no wishes no dreams-now i know that in the last 4 weeks i'v laughed more than the year b4 that-i know it now-u have laughed-but that cloud has to be dispersed-i need to find the method to get that cloud to lift-from tomorrow wen the black mist descends i'm going to work out-get some andrenaline pumping and see if that works-this letting urself get low cant go on-i need to take it by the scruff of the neck and try a bit harder-
bring on the next 4 weeks-it will get better-its up to me to sort it-its up 2 me to work more at fixing me-i'v got too many false highs in th past-its as if i'v used up my fair share of life's highs and have now left myself with none-but i know that aint the way life works-dont worry it will get better-4 weeks is a short time-but think back to not being able to stop smokin pot for a day-4 weeks is an achievment-i can do it-i will do it-
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