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Thread: Hoping for a chance to change.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    43

    Lightbulb Hoping for a chance to change.

    When I Google searched marijuana addiction last night at 1 am after tossing and tuning and crying, I did not expect to find a rehab group of people who have been experiencing the same things I am going through. It has been reassuring reading all of your posts and stories. I feel compelled to share mine since this is apparently a place that has helped many people. And, there is no such thing as MA....which there should be.

    Two months ago, I returned to my hometown from college to live with my parents again. In college, I majored in Art and spent most of my time smoking pot and playing video games with my male friends (I am female.) I started smoking in my senior year of high school, but I did not become addicted to pot until I lost my virginity and had an abortion with a complete scumbag who treated me like garbage. After that happened, I pretty much relied on pot to make it through the day because I constantly felt so awful about myself.

    I would smoke when I woke up and go to class high all the time. I would rarely try my best and squandered my remaining years in college on parties and substances. I tried hard drugs too, but luckily I was too broke to keep those up. After I graduated, I moved in with mutual friends (a couple who were expecting a baby) of the guy who used me and left me. I love children and having an abortion was the worst point in my life. Many terrible memories were brought up and I fell even harder into addiction. I always wanted to be high, and when I couldn't afford or find pot I would sit around and just COMPLAIN about how shitty life is because I couldn't be high.

    Since moving back to my moms it has been extremely hard to let the drug go, especially because my little sister smokes pot with a high school friend who we both know. I feel responsible for her smoking pot because I introduced her to it, but she does not have addiction problems like I do. My father is an extremely addictive personality and has always been an alcoholic. Because of that, I have never enjoyed drinking as much as most people do. I should also mention that I was diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 12 and I have taken antidepressants since then. That is another addiction altogether, but it does help my disease in a good way.

    That said, I am finally seeing that there is more to life than being messed up and feeling terrible about yourself. I am ready to make a change for the better and become a lady who puts good out into the world instead of a selfish girl who only cares about getting high. It is extremely daunting to me to think about NEVER smoking weed again, but I know this is the attitude I have to take to be successful in overcoming my addiction.

    I am scared and worried that my evil side will flare up again. I am scared that I won't be strong enough to do it. I am also scared that I will never be able to relax without smoking. I am a very tightly wound up person, and the entire reason pot appealed to me so much was because it calmed my thoughts down and allowed me to see the beauty in life.

    I think this is enough of an introduction. I hope this will be a place where I can continue to come and feel better about the choices I have made. I am always willing to talk to anyone, as all of my "friends" are pot smokers so I am forcing myself to be away from them for a while, if not forever. Therefore, I am currently very lonely all of the time. I am also unemployed which adds to the feeling of worthlessness.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    219

    Default

    Dear Murph88,
    Good for you, your doing the right thing..
    You will feel better and enjoy life without drugs.. The freedom from not living to use and using to live will be very rewarding..
    I go to NA... It fills the void I felt without pot and I made ton of friends that don't use...
    Please keep us posting...

    Robin

  3. #3
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Arrow reply to robin

    Quote Originally Posted by robinl555 View Post
    Dear Murph88,
    Good for you, your doing the right thing..
    You will feel better and enjoy life without drugs.. The freedom from not living to use and using to live will be very rewarding..
    I go to NA... It fills the void I felt without pot and I made ton of friends that don't use...
    Please keep us posting...
    Thanks, Robin. I really appreciate your welcome. I have already had to come read your kind words a few times today because it has been the second day since I last smoked and I am not doing so well. I will look into NA meetings here in my town, that is a good suggestion.

    Again, I thank you for your reply and I hope anyone else who wants to talk will do the same.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,016

    Default

    Hi Murph88 and welcome to the forum,

    I am so glad you have found our rehab group of help, you truly are not alone. I am so sorry to hear about the difficulties you have been having that’s really very sad. It can be difficult to come to terms with the idea of not smoking gain, but try not to think to long term at this stage if possible just try and take it one days at a time. I am sure you can be the person you want to be, as the old saying goes whether you think you can or think you can’t you are usually right. I think your introduction was great and I look forward to reading more about your progress.

    Take care and please keep us posted,

    All the best,

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)

    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 13 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

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