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Thread: Secret Smoker

  1. #1
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default Secret Smoker

    Hi, Im a 26 year old mother and wife. I've finally decided that i need to quit my secret smoking habit. My husband doesnt even know. Its just me... well now all of you, too. Ive been smoking for about 4 years now. Before i had my daughter 2 years ago, my husband and I would smoke all of the time. Since then we have dramatically decreased our use. At first, anyway. He quit using completely about 5 months ago and thought that i did too. He was getting way paranoid and just wanted to abruptly stop. But I wasnt ready. At first, i kept promising to quit because i knew it wasnt something i wanted to keep doing, especially as my daughter got older. But i kept smoking again, and again. My husband was getting really upset and told me i needed to stop. I agreed with him.

    After maybe a day... I couldnt think about anything else, i would conceive of ways to hide it from him and get another bag. And thats what i did. I would smoke when he wasnt home, and even would take it and use it at work. I was smoking everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I eventually got so desperate that i would smoke while my husband was in the other room. He of course caught me one day and shit hit the fan. I broke down because at the time i was so relieved to not be hiding this from him anymore. As much as i loved smoking, it was killing me having to hide it from him. So i quit again...

    After about another week, i smoked again. And i've been doing it since. My mind keeps finding ways to convince myself that its ok, and that if he doesnt catch me, whats the harm? I was craving it, i would think about it all day, and i was VERY irritable if it had been longer than a day since i smoked.

    But i've had it. Im sick of how controlling it is over me! Im tired of feeling like a bad wife, a bad mom, a bad employee, and a bad friend. Im overweight, lazy, and boring. I have no hobbies, or interests. I slack off in everything i do. I actually have a hard time find joy in being high anymore! Im more paranoid, and i just feel quilty all of the time. Not to mention stupid... i hate short term memory loss. I feel like im just feeding a mental addiction now, and thats not how i want to live.

    Ok, i've laid it all out there...scary.
    Im doing this for me now. Im scared, but determined.

    Any advice welcome!

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

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  2. #2
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi, Im a 26 year old mother and wife. I've finally decided that i need to quit my secret smoking habit. My husband doesnt even know. Its just me... well now all of you, too. Ive been smoking for about 4 years now. Before i had my daughter 2 years ago, my husband and I would smoke all of the time. Since then we have dramatically decreased our use. At first, anyway. He quit using completely about 5 months ago and thought that i did too. He was getting way paranoid and just wanted to abruptly stop. But I wasnt ready. At first, i kept promising to quit because i knew it wasnt something i wanted to keep doing, especially as my daughter got older. But i kept smoking again, and again. My husband was getting really upset and told me i needed to stop. I agreed with him.

    After maybe a day... I couldnt think about anything else, i would conceive of ways to hide it from him and get another bag. And thats what i did. I would smoke when he wasnt home, and even would take it and use it at work. I was smoking everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. I eventually got so desperate that i would smoke while my husband was in the other room. He of course caught me one day and shit hit the fan. I broke down because at the time i was so relieved to not be hiding this from him anymore. As much as i loved smoking, it was killing me having to hide it from him. So i quit again...

    After about another week, i smoked again. And i've been doing it since. My mind keeps finding ways to convince myself that its ok, and that if he doesnt catch me, whats the harm? I was craving it, i would think about it all day, and i was VERY irritable if it had been longer than a day since i smoked.

    But i've had it. Im sick of how controlling it is over me! Im tired of feeling like a bad wife, a bad mom, a bad employee, and a bad friend. Im overweight, lazy, and boring. I have no hobbies, or interests. I slack off in everything i do. I actually have a hard time find joy in being high anymore! Im more paranoid, and i just feel quilty all of the time. Not to mention stupid... i hate short term memory loss. I feel like im just feeding a mental addiction now, and thats not how i want to live.

    Ok, i've laid it all out there...scary.
    Im doing this for me now. Im scared, but determined.

    Any advice welcome!
    I have been going through the same thing as you. It feels bad lying but the withdrawals make me unbearable to be around, so I smoke to not be so grumpy. PLus weed gives me motivation to clean and cook. When I quit I have no motivation. But this is my day one and I really want to quit this time. Sick of being a slave to the drug....it's always on my mind, and I find that I don't want to spend time with my husband anymore cause I would rather smoke

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    2

    Default

    I also have the problem with conceiving ways to hide it from people. They are my parents, but its just like you visualize it in your head, and almost obsess over it. Maybe thats just me. The only thing I've found to get rid of the urges or sudden weed thoughts, is to just take a nap, or do something that completely concentrates your brain on something else (video games, a movie, puzzles etc...)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    The Right Side Of "The Pond"
    Posts
    58

    Default

    Did you smoke while you were pregnant? Not to make a judgement just want to know of any previous stopping/pauses in your smoking.

    Your situation sounds like a good candidate for 5-htp or other supplement. If you feel like it's a mental addiction, check out some blended supplements. I'm not going to push a specific one, but there are several supplements out there that can help. Valerian Root and 5-HTP are known to help ease the uncomfortable bits of what you are feeling.
    Last edited by SRP; 10-28-2012 at 12:28 PM. Reason: clarity

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,991

    Default

    It’s interesting the secret smoker thing, I wonder how many people is normal to know that it is going on. I was always relatively open about that fact that I smoked but I imagine some people are very secretive about it.

    All the best,
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're not a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 12 years, because I Chose to be free from it's Control on me!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    84

    Default Secret smoking & strong mental addiction

    I am living a lie.

    I smoke daily sometimes 2-3 times a day and my wife has no idea. We have been married for 10 years and as unbelievable as it sounds that’s how she knows me. Sometimes stone and sometimes thinking about getting stone. It is very difficult to explain why I do it but what I know is that I fear uncontrollable urges to smoke up and get high although I know with every fibre of myself that it’s the wrong thing to do. I have been high for 18 years. A few weeks off here and there and the longest I ‘be been without it is 37 days.

    I want to reignite this thread and write my journey. It is about damn time that I sat art my life without being a slave to Mary Jane, my mistress, my dark passenger as Dexter so well put it.

    I’ve been a longtime rehabber but can never keep it together for long.

    Any tips? (Telling my wife my problem is not an option as this would bring up tons of questions)

    One of the problems is that I crave weed to “feel normal” and not loose patience quickly or get pissed easily. Recommended alternatives?

    Thanks for reading and for your help.

    TTMO

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    44

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Timetomoveon View Post
    I am living a lie.

    I smoke daily sometimes 2-3 times a day and my wife has no idea. We have been married for 10 years and as unbelievable as it sounds that’s how she knows me. Sometimes stone and sometimes thinking about getting stone. It is very difficult to explain why I do it but what I know is that I fear uncontrollable urges to smoke up and get high although I know with every fibre of myself that it’s the wrong thing to do. I have been high for 18 years. A few weeks off here and there and the longest I ‘be been without it is 37 days.

    I want to reignite this thread and write my journey. It is about damn time that I sat art my life without being a slave to Mary Jane, my mistress, my dark passenger as Dexter so well put it.

    I’ve been a longtime rehabber but can never keep it together for long.

    Any tips? (Telling my wife my problem is not an option as this would bring up tons of questions)

    One of the problems is that I crave weed to “feel normal” and not loose patience quickly or get pissed easily. Recommended alternatives?

    Thanks for reading and for your help.

    TTMO
    You were off pot for 37 days at one time. That's a pretty long period relative to trying to break an addiction. Use that as proof you can break pot's hold on you because at one time you did break that hold. Your "uncontrollable urges" to smoke, smoking to "feel normal" and smoking to not get angry are classic examples of what addictions are and what they do. Stopping weed will end those urges, being straight will become the new "feeling normal" and new ways of dealing with irritability/anger will develop, but you have to quit and go through a withdrawal process which might not be too difficult (or maybe it will).

    Based on the experiences you have so clearly stated, you are correct, smoking pot "is the wrong thing to do" - for you. Not wrong in a moral sense but wrong in that it conflicts with the values you hold. You might want to reconsider that your wife knows nothing about your smoking and that you want to keep it that way. First, if you have smoked 2 to 3 times a day in the 10 years you have been married, your wife surely has a clue that something is going on but is perhaps remaining silent about it.

    Personally, I'd make an appointment with an addictions counselor and share with him/her exactly what you've shared here. I'd be shocked if the counselor did not recommend you should tell your wife what has been and is going on. If your relationship has a good foundation then it will be shaken but should survive this. If the reverse were true, would you not be loving and understanding? Your wife could be a valuable companion in ending your addiction.

    On the other hand, if you can kick the addiction on your own and your life steadies out, then keeping your wife in the dark might be a good decision. I know I have heard counsleors tell people NOT to tell their spouse of an affair as long as it is over and never going to happen again. Afterall, what good would that do? The same could be true here if your "affair" with pot is over and never happening again.

    You're ready for this breaking free from cannabis. Good luck.
    Last edited by Hyzer29; 07-12-2018 at 07:57 AM. Reason: Re-worded some things

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