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Thread: Quit for almost two years, relapsed for a year, quit again and in my 3rd month

  1. #1
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default Quit for almost two years, relapsed for a year, quit again and in my 3rd month

    So I quit for two years after smoking since I was a teenager, every day pretty much, so around 10-12 years of use.
    I wish I hadn't relapsed, I had a good record going of being sober, almost two years, then I threw it all away on an urge to smoke. That made me fall right back into it, smoking many times a day, about half an 1/8th to an 1/8th a week. I guess it had been building up for a while and I hadn't dealt with the issues, bad memories, the things I was escaping from. I found this rehab group and I am seeking comfort from others having similar difficulty quitting. It seems to be a more dangerous drug than most people make it out to be. I hear so many people say its harmless, though I believe I have suffered from quite a bit of PAWS. Terrible nightmares, nightsweats, headaches, fits of rage , irritability. I can;t believe I made it through all that and stayed sober for two years, only to fall victim to the addiction all over again.

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    I am very depressed that this will be a lifelong battle. Sometimes I'm not so confident, it almost seems like the effort I spend thinking about it and fighting it is more debilitating than actually smoking it. During those two years I forgot what it was like to be under the power of the drug. The constant need to alter my reality and cloud up my mind. To make myself numb. I forgot about all the times I flushed my herb away only to buy more the next week. How isolated and paranoid it made me. During those two years sober I was steadily making progress towards my goals, trying to find a place in society. A respectable job, to become a truly independent person. So many people let me down during my time of being sober, of trying to "make it". so many turned their back on me, I guess it weakened my resolve over time and made me crave escape.

    So here I am at three months again, as bad as being sober was, being a pothead is worse. I just have to stay strong. To go that long and then relapse is quite frustrating, during these three months i have had extremely bad paws. This morning was especially difficult, somehow I got through it. I guess I don't want to go through the withdrawls ever again, I want to break free and be done with this hellish cycle. Though one thing I've learned is I have to constantly watch myself, I think this is a lifelong battle but I pray that the fight gets easier. Maybe when my life gets better and I start to find some happiness in it, maybe then I can confidently say I'm done with it for good.

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  2. #2
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

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    If I knew I was going to get ignored on here, I never would have posted, I really needed some support , so thanks to the people who read this but couldn't be bothered to leave a message

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Denmark
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    Hello and welcome to the forum!

    I guess you have to be a little patient in here. Maybe it will help if you creat a profile, it's nice to "know" who you're chatting with if you know what I mean. I don't hope you have given up on the forum, it really helps me a lot to write and read other people's stories in here.

    I've been smoking since my teens until now, that about as long as yourself. Anyways I'm only sober on day 3, it's properly seven years since I've been sober for more than a few days. You are dealing with a relapse issue I never faced before. I guess as an expothead we will always face the temptation of MJ now and then, one of the thing we learn when stoned is MJ will make you forget your troubles. Bad habit are hard to break I guess, but try to stay positive and keep yourself occupied when the craving starts.

    Stay strong my friend, and if things get tuff swing by here - we are all here to support.
    Last edited by Klyden; 06-19-2013 at 04:52 PM.

  4. #4
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

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    thanks for the reply Klyden, I had a pretty difficult day today, so your comment helped. I was very close to caving and the reason why I maintained sobriety wasn't because of my own willpower. My dealer actually stopped serving, and this actually hurt because I thought of him as a friend but now I realize that these people don't care at all about you. They are only serving because it is in their best self interest, and when they don't need to they could really care less about you and don't even want to know you.
    So in a way I felt good because I managed to stay sober, but really it wasn't because of anything under my control. If I had my way I'd probably be high right now, but I'm glad that I'm not because I would feel terrible about myself and eventually have to start all over again. The nightmares and physical symptoms, the foggy brain is just starting to clear up. Maybe god was looking out for me today. So in the end I'm happy about how the day turned out. And I realize maybe I was being impatient with the people on this forum. Right now my mood changes from highs to lows so sporadically, the slightest thing sets me off and irritates me. So thanks for the support, and I wish you all the best with your own efforts towards sobriety. You said you have been smoking for around the same period of time, but this is your first time attempting to quit.
    All I can say is don't relapse , it just isn't worth it. I wish I had those two years of sobriety back. I threw it away on a whim and didn't realize how valuable it was. Now I have to try and break that record. I will break it, but today really taught me a lesson, if you have a number around, on your phone or hidden on paper anywhere get rid of it. You can't have any way of getting possession of herb, or there will come a time of weakness like I had today and the addiction will try and trick you. If i had gotten a bag, I would try and maybe smoke one a week at first like I would promise myself. That would quickly turn into once a day. Then it would eventually slide back into morning noon and night. We are addicts and we can't control ourselves. It is the definition of addiction. But even though I knew all this I still almost broke my three months today. Addiction is scary, you have to respect it and fear it or it will beat you.

  5. #5
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

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    Deleted by admin.
    Last edited by Cannabis Rehab Admin; 06-21-2013 at 12:39 AM. Reason: Unacceptable behaviour for a support group. Good job we rarely get anyone who makes these kind of posts.

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