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Thread: Rosepink's NEW update

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
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    138

    Default Rosepink's NEW update

    hi all,

    I am going for it again and this time I am determined to succeed!!! So this is my new successful thread. Here is a copy of the last post I did (this morning) on my other thread:

    "Day one here I am again. Got rid of it again. This time I am more committed than ever. My feeling right now is eitherI stop smoking what so ever or I smoke constantly to the point of smoking all day long and not breathing well. There is no middle ground for me. I see this now so I say to myself- for me to smoke pot is "death"- living that way and to not smoke is to choose "life". Life or death. I also really like that video someone posted here outlinng how it will go-- it helps me know what to expect like, oh I have seen a movie about this- I know how this story will go! And they say- just don't light up. So I am having to do this now. I am going to visit family in about 18 days and I want to be 18 days clean when I go. Feeling optimistic about it this time. "

    So what I mostly came on here to say is that I am expecting to feel pretty bad for a while. today and for a while. I do feel kind of bad right now but HOPEFUL that better awaits me. I heard a song on the radio today that said something like "I know it's going to get worse before it gets better" so that is kind of what I am expecting.

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    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


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  2. #2
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    Jul 2013
    Location
    boston, mass
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    Default

    hi RP,

    im really pulling for you, as always. we all are. I hope you break the cycle. you sound like you know it's not a joke anymore: 3 days off, score, smoke for 2 days, throw out what you have, 3 days off, score, smoke for 2 days, throw out what you have...I know you're tired & ready to do this. no one's even hinted that it will be easy. it will NOT be easy. it WILL be worth every single ounce of discomfort you go through. we've all been brutally honest with you, but supportive. your post above is you being honest with yourself I think. I hope.

    I asked you before about your husband being your bodyguard during this process & you didn't answer. not my business, but are you getting the support you need at home?? that is so important to you being successful, IMO. I would hope if my wife saw me continuously hitting myself in the head with a hammer, she would help me stop in whatever she could...that's all ill say on that.

    24 days tomorrow for me. satch will be at 26. we have never been happier. PLEASE believe us & trust us....we were in the same (sinking!) boat as you less than a month ago. less than a month!! think about that & please join us in our journey...

    please don't think i'm being a hardass as i'm with you if you really want to do this. you are SO close to doing this....

    I commit to not smoking tonight AND tomorrow...you in?

    -paul

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2013
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    Default

    Hi Paul
    I am so happy to hear you are feeling happy! Tell me about it-- how are you happier than when you were high all the time? To answer about my husband, he is very supportive, but there is nothing he can do if I am not gonna do it myself. Thankfully he is a non smoker, and not an addict of any kind so that in itself is really good for me. But he is not gonna take away my computer and phone and whatever to keep me from scoring- that is unrealistic. This is a bridge I have to walk over on my own no matter how much he wants to help!

    You are right about this pattern- and I have to say that even this pattern of taking three days off and smoking for two is better than before when I used to take no days off! Only thing is it is a huge waste of money. Like flushing money down the toilet.

    Anyway, I do believe I have reached some kind of breaking point inside myself where I am willing to do the work.

    Please tell me about how your life is different now that you are sober. I know you smoked for like 25 years like I have, did you smoke all day and night like I did? I am curious to hear about how life is now! You and satch are really my inspiration right now to do this- just knowingyou are doing it is a big motivation for me.

  4. #4
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    Jul 2013
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    I smoked all day every day. Wake and bake, rush home at lunch and smoke some more, cancel

  5. #5
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    Jul 2013
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    Cancel plans to go smoke some. Hang with people I barely talk to now that I am not smoking. Isolate and repeat. Start wondering during day if I was out when I could score again. What a crappy way to live. I feel alive again and on my game. Was totally pissed about something today but it
    Passed and I believe would have lingered if still burnt. Solving problems instead of hoping they would magically go away. Facing reality with a clear mind is so much easier. More intimacy with all people in my life. Just a few improvements Lol.

  6. #6
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    Satch that is So great to hear!!! For me to hear that someone like me (long time all the time smoker) can move to a clear sober life gives me so much hope!!!

  7. #7
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    May 2013
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    up until I talked to you guys on this rehab group I didn't know any people I could actually discuss it with and go through the process with, It is so helpful. In the last year I found a very easy very close pot dealer- so it became easy for me to get with no waiting. Prior to that I would often have to look harder, wait a week sometimes to get it-- once it became so easy to get I just fell deeper into it than ever- like constant with no breaks. I still have that contact and they live near me and however much I delete their contact info I still know where to find them/ It is simply that I have to hate what pot does to my life enough to just not do it.

  8. #8
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    Jul 2013
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    hi RP! & S!

    satch's story is my story (only I brought it everywhere I went, so I didn't need to go home on lunch break, just out to my car!)...I smoked for 27 years & today, at day 24, I have never felt happier! how? well, i'm not high!! I feel like I escaped a prison, I had a personal jailbreak! I control me now....how could I NOT feel happier? you can be just as happy! freedom=happiness.

    listen to what you said, "once it became so easy to get I just fell deeper into it than ever...". I wish your dealer would drop dead tonight. too harsh? no it isn't. he/she is contributing to your downfall. it's you or them. I, like satch, have cut off "friends" who I used to score from...hard, but necessary, at least in the beginning...

    in a few days I'm going to give myself a drug test...I keep imagining how happy my wife will be when I can, after 27 years (!) test clean! I cannot freakin' wait! i'm anticipating that the way I used to anticipate scoring a new bag.

    give yourself the best gift ever: sobriety!

    im not smoking tonight or tomorrow...you in?

    -paul

  9. #9
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    Hey Paul, So have you not told your wife you are 24 days clean?! Can't she tell? I could never hide that from my husband!! Maybe you have told her?

    That is so great to hear you are doing so well!!
    I am feeling fine. Day two is fine.

    I have a much better mindset than all the other quits. Partially from what you and satch have said and partially from that video someone posted on here.

    In that video the guy said- for the first few weeks all you are going to want to do is get high. And also for the first month or so everything will feel profoundly boring. ( sounds like that is not the case for you!). Those cravings- wanting to get high- and the boredom were the two things that always led me back to it. Now I am just telling myself- this is the process. So I see the craving of wanting to get high to combat the boredom and I just tell myself, "for the first few weeks all you will want to do is get high. Just don't do it, ride it out, and it will lift." I just really want clarity more than ever!!!!!!!

    the other thing that is helpful in my mindset now is, as I said in another post- I see that it is all or nothing. If I have one hit it will make me want a bag which will make me want another and ten years will pass again. So instead I am choosing none!

    So I feel pretty optimistic. I still feel kind of crappy/ a little bored/ a little sick/ lethargic. But before I used to think- how long canI stay clean till I can get high again? And now I am saying- how long do I stay clean till the craving lift and life starts to get good?! I am seeing the longer term sobriety (by longer term I mean what you and satch have now!) as something of a gift that I am working towards. So, feeling optimistic. Thank you for all your support and-- well done, Paul, on your own amazing journey!!!! I hope to be celebrating 24 days pretty soon while you celebrate 50 ( or thereabouts).

  10. #10
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    May 2013
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    day 4 today feeling okay

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