Newbie seeking advice

[Insight]

Hi all,

Now to most people here I'm a newbie to smoking and maybe I don't have any right to posting but I'd thought I would post anyway just to see if anyone was close to being in the boat of which I am in currently.
I'm 17, been smoking weed solidly since starting 2 years ago. I was quick to up my game, toked first at 15 and by 5 months later I was scoring about 2g a day.
I have many of the symptoms people describe here regularly but it seems to have a different effect on me.
Weed in the last years has done (or felt like) alot for me. I was a big at 15, around 14 stone which often made me very self conscious and I would stick to a very small but strong social group.
Once I started toking I began to lose weight fast, this was the first time I had ever lost weight and was also the first time I had ever even thought about leaving my social group. About 2 weeks later I began leaving my close social group to join a much bigger one, this made me hugely confident (I had gone from being bullied at school because of my weight, to being one of the main guys in a large social group)
Everything was great until a night which made me quit smoking. That night the feeling I got to quit was powerful, I no longer looked at weed the same way and had not one single bit of craving from it. I instantly began to sober up once I quit, my cognitive abilities instantly shot up and I began to fill like myself again. This was a problem for me, this was the first time in 2 years I had actually been nervous when heading to a party which we quite often did in this social group. The nervousness got worse, I was now becoming paranoid and depersonalization was kicking in fast.
I first thought these symptoms were withdrawal and that they would pass, although after 2/3 weeks I felt them getting stronger and I quickly became worried that I would lose my social group. So, like the idiot I am I toked up to help ease the pains I was feeling. It half worked, Because I was toking again I was back in my social group. Although, everytime I toked I felt these symptoms even stronger, the more baked I would get the more anxiety I would have and the more depersonalized I would come.
And now I am here, Last night I came home after a solid sesh and really felt different, I found it difficult to speak to my parents and could hardly string a sentence together. I turned on my computer and began googling my symptoms which is how I found this site, that night I read probably the whole forum, I stayed up for just about 8 hours straight in amazement at how well people were describing the symptoms I have when I thought I was defiantly the only one with it.
That night I decided to quit, I smoked my last spliff and for every toke I did I would tell myself one symptom I have from smoking so much. (Safe to say that spliff didn't last long, but then again when do they last very long these days)

Now I know I'm rambling but heres my question if you made it this far. When I'm sober, I feel fine, my abilities are great and my memory seems to be OK. This is what makes me want to smoke, if I feel fine why shouldn't I go out and enjoy myself and then as soon as I do I'm back at square one.
It feels like in my head I have one question to ask myself;
Either weed, a social life, a girlfriend, friends and this god awful feeling thats slowly making me want to commit suicide
Or a life without weed, with no friends left, no social life and most likely my weight coming back, which in turn will bring my social anxiety back.

I'm not really sure what I'm typing everything I seem to try and think and put into words just becomes jumble or I think it's not relevant but I hope you can kinda see the situation I am in from my little essay :/

Cheers everyone and thanks 100000x for all your posts, knowing I'm not alone feels like the biggest weight of them all has been lifted

Insight

For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

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[ineedhelp]

I know its hard for you to give up your social life but weed is not the only way at all those things. You are young, its one way you have found to get them. You will find more ways but you won't while smoking, in the long run weed will take all of those things away from you. You can trust me on that.

I am not totally anti-weed, for some people it can be a real positive. But, at your age, I have very firm advice that comes from a lot of experience. Don't smoke it. Just don't. Its that simple, it has the ability to really mess with a developing brain, as you have discovered. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to play with. I say again, don't smoke it. Wait until you are 22, it can really destroy people at your age.

I know at high school, getting girls and being popular seem to be the things to strive for. But life is a marathon not a sprint. You will get there without weed, don't burn yourself out early. Try and reconnect with your old friends, they may not be as cool but I will bet my right hand that they are better friends and actually care about you.

[Kerrie]

I have to state the obvious here; If they're only your friends when you're getting stoned with them, then they aren't real friends. A true friend will care about you for who you are, and not because you're one member of a clique. Friendships can't really hold up when you only have one shared interest. A couple years from now everyone will all go their separate ways so none of this will make a difference then. You'll meet new people through work, or maybe even continuing education classes.

I'd be willing to bet that your energy levels will increase if you stop smoking pot and gaining weight won't be a problem.

[Insight]

I thought I'd give an update as posting on here seems to relieve me of the stress that quitting gives to me. I recently started at a new school which is causing me a lot of anxiety (meeting new people, trying to find people to sit next to etc) I've also quit my friendship group who I used toke up with meaning I'm getting pretty serve depression from the lack of a social life.
Just wondering if anyone had tips for those times when your really feeling down, because I don't seem to go out at night anymore and toke up, I'm finding it more and more difficult to socialize with people when I have to (group school work etc).
So yeah, not really drug related but just want some advice on what you do when your feeling nervous, what makes you calm down and make yourself feel in control again? I've tried breathing techniques but manually breathing seems to make me panic more as my brain see's it as another thing to worry about.

[Want2]

When I'm nervous I start going over song lyrics in my head. Another thing I do is start writing or drawing. It makes me look like I am busy doing something and I feel less self conscious if others are around. Sometimes I play games online and the more challenging ones make me forget I am stressed about something else. I also start planning a dream vacation in my head and try to imagine how it's all going to be.

[anonytexan]

I walk my dogs around the block until it passes most times. They are a handful and distract me enough to stop thinking about it. Visiting older family members is the only social life I have these days, but thats my fault. If you want a look in the future I'm it, 30 yrs old barely any friends, thought I hid my habit well but it still affected a lot of things. The "friends" I had at the time were just users like me, ended up getting annoyed that all they did was come over to smoke my stuff and then leave. Downward spiral once you get in that position.

[Insight]

Thanks for the replies guys, I've always been a fan of rap so I began to rhyme with random stuff around me which seems to be working well to an extent. Speaking of dogs that is something I need to get back into the habit of again, ever since I started smoking I hardly walk my dog at all and I feel I have been neglecting him recently with all this quitting stuff.
I had a weird dream last night that I thought I would share, I dreamt I was with my family at a house party and if that wasn't weird enough I was rolling up what looked like to be a joint. The dream was very very weird though, the weed I was rolling with looked like stalk or just long green sticks. My parents know I smoke but I would never dream(No pun intended) of rolling up infront of them. I never got round to smoking it as the whole dream seemed to be me trying to roll it but never succeeding.
Very weird dream but neverless the first dream I've probably had in over a year so good stuff

[Insight]

Hi guys, I think this will be my last post in this thread as I feel my quitting journey as come to an end. It's been a well over a month since I last smoked and I'm pretty confident when I say I can't see myself smoking ever again.
So many things have improved since I've quit and life is finally starting to feel normal again.
My parents recently asked a question if I regret smoking and although, sure I threw away a good 2 years of my life and education just living my life in a weed bubble I wouldn't really say I regret it. It's taught me a lot and I've met people I probably never would of met if I hadn't of smoked.
I've completely lost my social life but it's not all that bad, I've invested in a bench and weights and began working out and have also found my love for computers again which is helping to get my brain back in gear.
So yeah, Cheers for everyone that took the time to read my thread and reply and thanks for everyone who posts on this forum. If I didn't find this forum, I would without a shadow of doubt, be smoking right now.
This wont be my last post, I'm looking forward to helping others in a situation similar to mine and it's the least I can do considering how much it's done for me.
Insight

[Cannabis Rehab Admin]

I am glad we were able to help and good luck with the rest of your recovery and please do drop by and update us in the future, we would all love to hear from you again.

All the best,

[ineedhelp]

Good stuff man. You come across as wise for 17.