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Thread: Goodbye weed

  1. #1
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Talking Goodbye weed

    Goodbye weed.

    Hello my friend....this letter is to you marijuana...Mary Jane.

    We have to part company, we've been together a long time, a very long time.
    When did we meet?
    It was around when I was 17 years old, I was at school starting my A levels, that's got to be around 1996 and now it's 2014, that's 18 years we've been together. Wow what an experience, what a journey! Half my life!

    You have been one of my best friends, my lover and my confidante, you've helped me through some tough times and you've been there for the good times. But you've also made my life hell and been responsible for me losing my confidence and creating some serious anxieties in me.

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    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    I love you and I hate you. I hate loving you some much and I love hating you, you can see that this is where we are, there is no point denying it, we both know this is how it is!

    That's the crux of our story, our relationship is two opposites, you give and you take and now you have to let me go and I have to let you go!

    I started smoking you even though I was against drugs like all young kids are, I never thought you were addictive, you made me look cool with the kids at school, gave me that "in" with the "bad boys" at school, did you help me get girls because of that, we'll maybe...I mean being the kid I was, an awkward kid whose childhood was not normal (whose is!?), living in an extended family growing up with Asian parents, grand parents and uncles and aunties with not much love, no advice or guidance on how I should lead my life in a western culture, no music allowed, no girlfriends, no laughing, no happiness, no joy, I've blanked a lot of it out.

    Ok so we had a massive reason to get together, I did not know how to fit in and you gave me that, there is no denying that. My family has ****ed me up, that's true, my culture, traditions, childhood and religion just did not prepare me for life in London. We had little money, my parents went through tough times and I had too watch it all....that's my child hood...I observed and then you came along and in a way together we started participating in life. So thank you for that.

    There's the pattern right there, school, college, university, my first job, you helped me find friends, you helped me look cool and trendy. Yeah I stank of weed all the time, yeah I have had red eyes for 18 years, yeah I got into trouble and yes I spent a lot of money on you, but you gave something to do and somehow smoking you it made the good times better. All my good friends came about because of you but it also meant you did not let me get into anything else!

    For you I sacrificed so much, my health, my food, holidays ...what else? Because I could not go where you were not, I could not stick at anything because picking you up was more important. The minute you were running low the next bag needed to be organised, luckily money was not a problem, I'd earn or skam what I needed to get you. I have strong morals and essentially like all weed smokers I'm a good, chilled out guy but the trouble I got into because of you, me being in the wrong crowd did not help, I have done things I'm not proud of, I don't blame you for those, I have to take responsibility for what I have done.

    Have you been responsible for my creativity, my get up and go, me being so practical and my ingenuity? I don't know...I worry about that.

    So if things are so great why break up now! Oh don't play coy, we both know why this has do be done...do I need to spell it out...ok if you want me to I will!

    Well where do I begin, I've been smoking an eighth a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year for over 18 years, I can't breathe, I have to carry my asthma inhaler everywhere I go, I use you to hide away from any issue, any stress in my life. Any emotionally charged issue I use you to hide away from it. Life has been hard, there's no denying that, there's been times when your were my only support or have you been my crutch, stopping me from living my life...I need to find out.

    I have a loving wife and two daughters now, a three year old and a 7 month old baby....I want to see them grow up, I want and need to be there for them now, help them grow up and guide them, teach them what they need to know so they are strong enough to enjoy their life's.....just surviving is not enough. I need to be their dad. Not a druggy and that's what you have made me....a druggy. I'm stoned all the time and the effort I have to make to do anything is just stupid. You have taken over every aspect of my life, I wake up, I smoke, before I eat, I smoke, before I go any where, I smoke, any meeting, any activity, I have to smoke you, everything is broken down into spliff hours...you tell me is that what you want for me...if you are my friend, if you have any love for me you would let me go....but if you are my enemy then you are taking joy from tormenting me like this...either way this has to end.

    Can't I just cut down? Tried it, did not work.
    Can't I just see you on weekends? Tried it, did not work.
    What about smoking you just pure? Tried it, just got even more stoned.
    What about just smoking cigarettes? Tried it, it's just not the same.
    What about smoking weed instead of skunk? Tried it, did not work.
    What about going cold turkey? Tried it, did not work.
    What about doing loads of exercise? Tried it, going really well, but somehow I smoke you before and after a work out...did not work.
    Get a hobby? I have started playing the guitar, did not work.
    What about family? No help they are too much of a trigger.
    What about friends? I'm the last man standing everyone else I know has managed to let go of you....but when I see them I have to smoke...no help there.
    What about telling your dealers not to sell you any? Tried it, did not work, there is no way anyone wants to lose my custom...I buy £100 worth every week, you don't turn that down. That's £5200 a year ...I'm very good at maths and even I can't write down the answer to £5200 x 18 years.... Very big number!
    All this giving up meant I ended up smoking even more, not good.
    So I gave up giving up!

    So what's the plan, how am I going to do this? Well this is the reason for this letter, this note, you know and I know what I am doing and writing it down today is part of it. I had said if I do everything above and it does not work then I have to leave, I have to physically get as far away from you and my dealers as possible. And that's what I have done, I picked you up, £200 worth of you, spoke to my wife and told her what I need to do, packed my car with my guitar, books and stuff and drove 1600 miles from London through France to the south of Spain.

    Wow what a journey, I smoked you like I always do, all the way, this was it, our swan song. What a journey, what a smoke, what fun, it was great just like the old times....and by the time we got to our final destination I could barely breathe and you were done. Monday came and that was it my final spliff, nothing special, no fanfare, nothing significant just another spliff but yet the most important day of my life. I could not get more stoned but I smoked my last spliff that day and now it's been six days since I have had any weed, skunk or maryjane in me. Oh I don't pretend if I was in London I would have picked you up again, we both know that.

    I have dreamt of you, I am going through the withdrawals, I have had the sweats, oh and I know my anxieties, stresses and problems are all there. I'm smoking 10-15 cigarettes a day and drinking wine and beer. But things are better I have not smoked you for 6 days now, count it 6 DAYS! And I am here in Spain for another 21 days. Here I am away from all the triggers at home, here I am 1600 miles away from any dealer, I can't pick up even though I want to, oh and believe I want to. Actually I no longer want to pick you up, I recognise you as a compulsion, a habit and I see what I am .... An unwilling addict.

    Today I have gone from smoking cigarettes to smoking e cigarettes...we will see what happens but again there's no point smoking if there is no weed in the damn cigarette. Today is a watershed, somehow I know I am not going to pick you up when I go home, I am going to give up smoking tobacco cigarettes, these e cigarettes are going to help me kick the nicotine in time to... I can feel it. Bloody drugs are no good, I plan on getting high on life, I will use alcohol, cigarettes and e cigarettes to get over you. Good thing my alcohol tolerance is very low and I am pissed after two beers and you know my religion and culture does not allow me to drink at home so this will work out. This has to work!

    I want to live, I want to be healthy, I want be there for my family, my daughters.
    That's it I am done.

    Goodbye weed, thank you for all the good times, thank you for being there for me but it's time now for us to go our separate ways, I wish you all the best, I know we will bump into each other again, once in a while but it is over, I can see clearly now, I am stronger and I will get through this.

    Goodbye weed.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    It's now day 7, reading the rest of the posts have really helped.
    Knowing that others are and were in the same boat as me helps.
    I worry about going back to London, I hope I am strong enough when the time comes.
    I woke up this morning really angry of all things...I have puffed my e cigarette, had a cup of tea and some toast.
    Still on edge but writing it down really does help.
    Wow...deep breaths....finding the calm...wish me luck.
    Am I allowed to post replies to my own post?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    UK
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    Yes updates to your own posts are fine, you can view it like your own blog or journal or whatever you to call/see it, all that matters is that you are able to share and express yourself when you feel the need to do so. Hang in there with your struggle and thanks for sharing such wonderfully expressive posts.

    All the best,
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 13 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Day 8,
    I deleted my dealers numbers from my phone last night, this is my biggest worry that when I go back to London I will pick up. I am hoping that being clean and sober for a couple of weeks will give me the strength I need not to pick up.
    Living healthy and having some healthy patterns has got to be of some significance!

    Been smoking e-cigarettes since yesterday and only had a small beer last night. I swear I woke up today and my breathing felt better.....it does feel better.

    DAY 8, count it people, DAY 8, I can't believe it, I seriously can't believe it, I am doing this!

  5. #5
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Thumbs up

    Yes thanks for sharing such a heart felt post.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    DAY 9,

    I'm glad I wrote my first post, I did pour my heart out, been carrying that all around with me and it feels good to read it and thanks for the reply...it makes a HUGE difference to me that someone's read it and that all of its not stupid.
    All I have to do now is exist, just "be", I could pick up here, the place is full of Brits on holiday and I can always sniff out the weed. So far I have avoided temptation.

    Had two glasses of red wine with dinner last night, I'm in Spain it would have been rude not
    Could not get to sleep last night though, I was awake till 4 am and woke up early. To much tea...cigarettes?
    Dreams are back with a vengeance, they were so vivid, woke covered in sweat, no nightmares thank god.
    I think a lot of my anxiety comes from living a lie, the split personality, the guy who loves being stoned and then there's the guy who had to function in normal society pretending he was not stoned! What an idiot.

    Well the regrets are what they are ...part of my make up...who I am.

  7. #7
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    Mar 2014
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    There's a fire starting in my heart
    Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out the dark

    Finally I can see you crystal clear
    Go 'head and sell me out and I'll lay your shit bare
    See how I leave with every piece of you
    Don't underestimate the things that I will do

    There's a fire starting in my heart
    Reaching a fever pitch
    And it's bringing me out the dark

    The scars of your love remind me of us
    They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
    The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
    I can't help feeling
    We could have had it all
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    Rolling in the deep
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    You had my heart inside of your hand
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    And you played it, to the beat
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

    Baby, I have no story to be told
    But I've heard one on you
    And I'm gonna make your head burn
    Think of me in the depths of your despair
    Make a home down there
    As mine sure won't be shared

    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    The scars of your love remind me of us
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    I can't help feeling
    We could have had it all
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    Rolling in the deep
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    You had my heart inside of your hand
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    And you played it, to the beat
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    We could have had it all
    Rolling in the deep
    You had my heart inside of your hand
    But you played it, with a beating

    Throw your soul through every open door (woah)
    Count your blessings to find what you look for (woah)
    Turn my sorrow into treasured gold (woah)
    You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow (woah)

    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    We could have had it all
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    We could have had it all
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    It all, it all, it all
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    We could have had it all
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    Rolling in the deep
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    You had my heart inside of your hand
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    And you played it to the beat
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    We could have had it all
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)
    Rolling in the deep
    (Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
    You had my heart inside of your hand
    (You're gonna wish you never had met me)

    But you played it
    You played it
    You played it
    You played it to the beat.

    "Rolling in the deep" by Adele
    Day 12, been listening to this song, inspires me and i can't stop listening to it.
    I'm also singing along to it (very badly) but who cares....there's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark! WOW!
    Last edited by Letmego; 03-15-2014 at 09:11 AM.

  8. #8
    Unregistered Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default Beautiful letter. Stay strong! You are almost on the other side.

    I am also 6 days weed free after smoking non-stop for 4-5 years. 6 years ago I successfully quit weed for over a year after smoking nearly nonstop for several years before that. Like you, both times I have had to move myself to a remote location where I simply could not get weed without accosting some stranger on the street. Going cold turkey is the only way. The bad news is that my withdrawal symptoms are severe. My advice to you is to cut all gluten out of your diet as this substance (found in most manufactured foods) actually sickens you and weed is the only thing masking those symptoms. Even trying to be gluten free though, my MJ withdrawal symptoms are still severe.

    From my previous experiences going cold turkey, I can tell you it is hell for a week, but the good news is the torment only lasts a week! After that you do not miss MJ at all! I'm on day 6 and my symptoms are already much better. However, I was belching out my stomach lining and suffering from massive chronic diarrhea two days ago. For this I swig bottles of pepto bismol and take tums, plus try to eat as much unprocessed meat and vegetables as I can. Fruit smoothies make my stomache feel better but can trigger cold sweats and make me feel hyper. I pace around my motel room at night and during the AM hours I feel the worst. During the day I go on long walks and bike rides and actually feel fine when I do this, although I have a huge blister now, LOL.

    The thing is you just have to get through those 7 days completely weed free. If you break down and smoke one joint, you have to restart the timer all over again. You can ween yourself to a point, but eventually you just have to go completely cold turkey even though the consequences will be brutal at first. Good luck and stay strong!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Thank you for the comments and support, really appreciate it. This site is really helping. Tomorrow it will day 14 and this will be longest I've been without weed for over 8 years. I can actually see the whites of my eyes...I thought my red eyes were permanent .

    Your so right cold turkey is the only way and accosting a stranger here were I don't even know the language is enough of a deterrent that I have not picked up.
    During the day things are cool, long walks, lovely sunshine and healthy food is helping.

    At night it gets hard and I have a glass of wine and cigarettes but I'm not over doing it.
    Thanks for the advice, I can feel that things are better!
    I really hope that I'm strong enough when I get back to London.
    Good luck to you to and stay strong ...you can do this...we will get through this!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Oh and keep walking and bike riding...excercise is very good...walking massages the feet and the pressure points in the feet get activated which helps the whole body...look after the blisters though!
    Last edited by Letmego; 03-16-2014 at 06:33 PM.

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