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Thread: Have to get this off my chest and tell someone... plus i have insomnia & loneliness

  1. #31
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    81

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    Well done Laurence,

    It's good to read you are in a better place now and everything is going well. It's surprising how much your judgement & outlook on life can be clouded when smoking weed. I almost had a stumble two nights ago when my wife came across a bud whilst cleaning the kitchen. I handled it for a little while & did some reminiscing before eventually binning it but the temptation was still there after over two months so I will need to keep my guard up. Glad to see you are still going in the right direction so keep up the good work and I will speak to you soon.;-)

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)


  2. #32
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    17

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    Last night I ended up in a&e after a night out drinking copious amounts of alcohol and taking half an e tablet. I remember the whole night, and even when I set off to walk home. The last thing I remember is banging my face, arms and legs on the pavement. I had decided to go the canal route home but where I woke up was in completely the wrong direction to my house and far away from the canal. I was even telling the paramedics that I was somewhere else to where they found me as was confused as to how or why I would have been there.

    It was the first proper night out to a night club that I have had all year, maybe even 2 years. Since quitting weed I wanted to do things that I used to enjoy before smoking the weed, and last night was one of them. I thought that by taking the e I wouldn't spend as much money or drink as much alcohol, that was a lie. Being anxious about being out again, although I was very pleased with myself for doing so, clearly it was a big task for me, no matter how easy I found it to be, it doesn't deter from the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. I even stayed a little longer than everyone else, big mistake, to dance on my own and let go of everything a little longer. I didn't seem to be bothered enough as to how I was looking to other people to have not done so. The more I had to let go, the more I did let go. Did I loose myself? Being heavily under the influence, I don't consider that to be who I am and have even lost a lot of the self-respect I had built up since quitting weed.

    I now know that I mustn't drink so much or take e again, after the last 2 times, loosing more self-control than feeling as though I was more in control. This feels like a lesson to be learned and wanted to share it with others to warn them about the dangers of mixing drinks and drugs, especially after quitting weed and going through the changes in yourself and your life. To the point where it can be easy to forget who you are, being as though you know you are not the same as before when you smoked weed, and not where you want to be fully yet. The limbo land can be a funny place, just try not to loose yourself in the process and the self-control you have started to have more of in your life. don't take it for granted like I did, feeling as though you are now invincible compared to before is foolish. We shouldn't have to do things just to prove to ourselves that we can do them. Not when the consequences from your actions cause more harm than good.

    I have bandages on both hands, one hurts like hell and I can't bend it. My knees are also bandaged and look very bloody. My chin had to be glued together, glued! Inside my mouth is all cut up and the lips are swollen. I knew I was in a state, both physically and mentally, one of the first things I said was 'please don't section me'. They asked why would they do that and just said, 'look at the state of me, I don't even know where I am'. Thankfully all the paramedics and doctors and nurses treated me very well and showed a lot of respect to me. I just wish I wasn't still drunk and high at the time to have been talking such nonsense about myself to them. I'm mortified and don't ever want to go back to that nightclub ever again, I've never liked the place or its atmosphere, and should stick to places I feel safe and happy to be in.

    Anyway, it's troubling me how I don't remember what went on for the few hours between leaving the venue and being found. Unless I was just unconscious that whole time frame, which I believe that is what they told me. But still, why the hell was I where I was found. I know that area fairly well and when I am up to it will have to walk around it, the lake, to see where I was exactly and if I can remember if anything else happened to me that I don't have any recollection from at all yet. Some closure about the whole thing would be good.

    I have been writing in a diary since I stopped posting. As this, I feel, is not just a consequence of drinking alcohol and taking e, but is linked to giving up weed and the changes I am going through due to this more than anything else, and as I said before, I will be more aware now of not wanting to loose control, even if I think I can handle it, it's really not good for people to do so if it can actually do more harm than good to you. Giving up weed is about treating yourself better and sticking to that. If you think you are ready to go out again like you did before, make sure you really are ready without any other drugs or ridiculous amounts of alcohol that could make you loose yourself - literally, who you really are and even where you are too. It's like taking steps backwards from the life that you are wanting for yourself and way of being without cannabis, staying true to yourself and others in every way.
    Last edited by laurence33; 07-19-2014 at 07:31 PM.

  3. #33
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    81

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    Hi Laurence,

    glad to hear you are relatively OK after that experience but I bet it stays with you for a long time. Did any of your friends drop the same E as you or a full one maybe they were a bit dodgy?

    I had a similar experience when I mixed anti depressant tablets & alcohol and although it was over 25 years ago the experience changed my drinking habits forever. I had just started a new anti depressant 2 days earlier then went out on my usually drinking binge on the weekend then next thing I knew I woke up in bed with my girlfriend still downstairs but I had no sheets on the bed & when I went downstairs to ask her why there wasn't any she said that I had vomited all over them and she had to take them off. The scary thing was I had no recollection whatsoever of the incident and if she wasn't there I dread to think what might have happened and from that day to this I have never got roaring drunk again.

    I hope you fully recover bro & just thank your lucky stars because it could have had a whole different outcome especially as you were near a canal. I can sort of understand why you did it because I think we try to substitute the high from weed with something different but I think we just have to accept that the high's we use to have are no more & although there can be other high's from life that can substitute the high's from weed they can't replicate them no matter how much we try.

    I wish you luck in the future & hope you recover soon.

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