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Thread: Alice's quit journal

  1. #261
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    Saying that, it can be nice to remember the grit of that lifestyle sometimes. It has been a long time coming, but I think kindly of those seedy environments which I frequented occasionally in order to get my fix. I don't like the fact that I was there to feed my addiction, but it was definitely eye opening to see the underbelly of Australian culture as it were.

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    I can say that now, when I am clean and have a job and a clean house and nice friends. It is easier to be kind in that situation. I saw someone begging for money yesterday afternoon on a bridge over the Yarra River. He was so out of it, he was on his knees, dozing in what looked like some kind of drug induced sleepiness, with a cup held out in front of him. In the moment that I walked past him, I felt so intensely humbled on his behalf. There is something incredibly vulnerable about humanity in that situation. I felt intense humility. And the knowledge that it is THAT bad for some people in the world. Wow!

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  2. #262
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    Jun 2017
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    Hi Alice
    Your posts are inspiring and encouraging....tomorrow morning is day 1 for me after 28 yrs of solid use and wasting my life....this forum is going to be my life line...I just hope I can do it....Thanks for sharing your journey.

  3. #263
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    Hi there Mickey,

    Good to hear from you. How did you go?! It can be challenging in the beginning, but it does get better I promise.

    I hope that the forum helps you. Sorry I didn't write back earlier, I was working today.

    Cheers,
    Alice

  4. #264
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    I guess I kind of regret the fact that it is a lovely Sunday afternoon, completely prime for listening to dub music, drinking beer and smoking weed. The only problem is that it wouldn't be 'just this one Sunday'. This one Sunday would most likely turn into once a month, then once a week, then in the evenings. It has a way of creeping back in.

    I do love my life without weed, and I don't have a particularly strong urge to do it. I guess it is just a nice idea. Dub music and beer will have to do!

    Sometimes I am so grateful for the fact that my psychology is so much more 'balanced' these days. It doesn't have that unpredictable, edgy quality. I remember what happened when I started smoking again after nine or so months abstinence. It was a mess. I did so much damage. I don't want that to happen again. Especially at this crucial time when I am building my (real life) friendships.

    I hope you are all having a great weekend!

  5. #265
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    The funny thing is that I was talking to my friend this afternoon and she was telling me that she has decided she doesn't want a relationship with Acrobat. There are a few reasons, but one of them is that he smokes a fair bit of cannabis.

    A while after I wrote my previous post, I realised this was the contact that I needed in Melbourne. I could ask Acrobat if he could help me to score weed. Problem solved, perhaps.

    EXCEPT for the fact that I am doing so much better in my work without smoking cannabis. My work is fruitful and I take one step after the other towards my goal. I don't get carried away on some breeze, making plans for things that are never going to happen, and which I know now are just a distraction. (That is the thing with cannabis. It is good for people who enjoy cognition, because it can be inspiring, but it is all a paper and smoke castle of dreams - they never go anywhere).

    I get distracted enough as it is. It can be hard to focus on one career goal when I am constantly getting new ideas and they all seem like they would be great. They probably would be, but success is achieved when someone utilises their best efforts in one or two areas. I think. At least until those plates are spinning in the air, then I can maybe add something else.

    The other thing is that my friend Mistress Butterfly doesn't want a relationship with Acrobat because he loves cannabis. Would she want a friendship with me if I smoked?

    It would always be closer to that seedy, gritty, underbelly of society, that lives to sell dirty weed. I don't think this is what I want for myself!

    It is important to talk myself down. I will forget about this temporary craving, but the temptation to open up this world again has been stronger this afternoon.

  6. #266
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    Apr 2015
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    Bristol, UK
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    Default Noooooooo!!!

    Alice! Don't do it! Maybe you've come across something that has sparked a flurry of nostalgia and those last few neural pathways are once again romanticizing the evil weed before they're finally erased.

    But that's all it is, fond memories of a lie. You've forgot how crappy weed actually makes you feel.

    I joined here years ago, around the same time you did. I remember back then seeing the beginning of your journey, I was there, but that's where our similarities end. Whilst you have spent the time since rebuilding your life, I've spent it wading deeper into the fog. I've recently returned and began skulking in the shadows, reading every new post, waiting for a moment when I felt coherent enough to join in. I'm not quite there yet, but just felt like you needed a little wake up pinch. I'll be along soon when my head's a little clearer.

    I realise you are probably a lot stronger than most and won't cave, but right now I bet it seems pretty benign. Perhaps you just wanted to hear someone else say this to you, so I thought I would step up and give back for all the help you've been giving others.

    Speak soon, James.

  7. #267
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    Totally agree, try and stay away from that guy Al, if you spend any time around him it will just be the next step to falling off the wagon and messing up all your hard work it may either lead to a massive set back or even worse if you fall off the wagon there's no guarantee you will ever get back on again. A moment's pleasure could be a massive change in direction again for life!

    Stay strong and all the best,
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're not a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 12 years, because I Chose to be free from it's Control on me!

  8. #268
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    Quote Originally Posted by James View Post
    Alice! Don't do it! Maybe you've come across something that has sparked a flurry of nostalgia and those last few neural pathways are once again romanticizing the evil weed before they're finally erased.

    But that's all it is, fond memories of a lie. You've forgot how crappy weed actually makes you feel.

    I joined here years ago, around the same time you did. I remember back then seeing the beginning of your journey, I was there, but that's where our similarities end. Whilst you have spent the time since rebuilding your life, I've spent it wading deeper into the fog. I've recently returned and began skulking in the shadows, reading every new post, waiting for a moment when I felt coherent enough to join in. I'm not quite there yet, but just felt like you needed a little wake up pinch. I'll be along soon when my head's a little clearer.

    I realise you are probably a lot stronger than most and won't cave, but right now I bet it seems pretty benign. Perhaps you just wanted to hear someone else say this to you, so I thought I would step up and give back for all the help you've been giving others.

    Speak soon, James.
    hi James,

    Thanks so much for your support. I think you are right 'I forgot how crappy weed makes me feel'. You are absolutely spot on. It was a nightmare.
    I actually feel very grateful for the process, because it taught me pretty emphatically, that there is really no such thing as 'one smoke'. This knowledge stops me, when those Sunday afternoon beer and dub feels start to romanticise weed. Otherwise, I guess it wouldn't be an issue!

    I actually had a very lovely afternoon on Sunday drinking beer and listening to Fat Freddy's Drop and after the initial thought of smoking occurred to me, it didn't bother me. It was still a very chilled Sunday. I remember the mess and the grit and the mind pollution.

    It is so good to hear that you are taking baby steps towards becoming free. I think that if you are lurking and reading, that can be a good first step. You are building your mindset and getting stronger every day! I know how hard it can be to get out of the fog. And fear of the discomfort or the withdrawals can be discouraging. I think that the biggest thing you can do is to work on your mindset, because that is going to give you the strength to pull this off.
    Reading other people's stories and posting yourself, constantly reinforces the fact that you believe in the potential to quit, and builds your 'quit muscle'.

    From your post, I can tell that you are already quite clear on the negative impact that weed is having on your life. Please know that we will be here for you when you decide to give this a try, and that you can totally do this!

    I hope you have a nice evening / day Thanks so much for posting! It it is much appreciated
    Alice

  9. #269
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cannabis Rehab Admin View Post
    Totally agree, try and stay away from that guy Al, if you spend any time around him it will just be the next step to falling off the wagon and messing up all your hard work it may either lead to a massive set back or even worse if you fall off the wagon there's no guarantee you will ever get back on again. A moment's pleasure could be a massive change in direction again for life!

    Stay strong and all the best,
    Hi CRA,

    I really hadn't thought of it that way! I always feel so optimistic. I guess I thought that there would always be an opportunity to quit again, but you are so right. Who is to say that the opportunity would ever present itself again!? Maybe I would just get lost down a rabbit hole and never find this lovely, clean, rational space again! It does sound a bit radio doom and gloom, but you are right to think of the consequences (definitely not my strong suit).

    The only way that I will ever hang out with Acrobat would be with Mistress Butterfly, and the topic of conversation will never come up.

    Thanks again CRA, I will stay strong And enjoy this lifestyle

    I hope you are having a lovely evening / day!

    Alice

  10. #270
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    No probs, I mean I don't want to come on too strong with the whole doom and gloom type scenario and as you and most others around here know I don't believe in too pushy or hard an approach when it comes to encouraging people to quit, which is for a number of reasons such as partly not believing it's works and also that IMO it can even sometimes be counter productive but also because as a freedom loving libertine I still think it's s a persons choice to make if it's what they really want and that they shouldn't be criminalized or persecuted, blah blah blah.

    And that I provide this place only if someone wants support in quitting and not so I can constantly nag or try and force it on them, I see most my role as merely providing the platform that facilitates people to help and support one another if they so choose and I must admit the days of even thinking about the prospect of using it again are now pretty far gone for me personally, but maybe that's because I have been off it now for so long now, probably coming on for 13 years, and it does make it easier not having to think about it all the time.

    I don't know if everyone gets to this stage or if it's just me and it may be because I also have my time filled with so many other things and work on numerous other projects which I think is a good thing if you are to fully recover and move on.

    But there are still times when as non interfering an laid back as I like to be there are still occasions when I feel the need to be more interventionist than others especially if it doesn't sound like what the person really wants.

    And I guess in your case particularly if you are enjoying you new found sobriety as much as you say you are then it really sounds more like giving into a moment of weakness than living how you really want. And while you may well be perfectly able to quit again and get back to where you are now the sad thing about drug use and addiction is, that this isn't always the case and it certainly isn't something that I think people can just assume will be that easy as some people when they do relapse unfortunately don't ever recover again and unfortunately that point at which they did decide to use again may well be the point at which their life took another change in direction.

    I guess it's probably about not taking ones sobriety for guaranteed if you like and staying vigilante of just how fragile it is and mindful of how hard fought for it was.

    Anyhow glad to hear it helped.

    All the best,
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're not a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 12 years, because I Chose to be free from it's Control on me!

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