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Thread: Alice's quit journal

  1. #381
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    Hi Juan,

    I know that it can be hard when your lives are intertwined, and you mix in the same circles or have some other connection. It is actually not as easy as quitting cannabis in some ways, although the advice I have been given is to treat it like an addiction. In that way, abstinence is the only way. A new neural network will develop.

    It seems a bit simplistic though, and I am wondering if you could practice openness to another relationship, because that will be the surest way to forget this person. Could you date other people, and put some energy into other relationships? It might be that you fall for someone else, and that you grow out of this relationship.

    She is not the be all and end all. Perhaps you can hold that relationship a bit more lightly.

    Tell her that you can't handle being played if you like, but in my experience, these kind of people just want the attention. They don't really care about us, or they would take care of our hearts.

    The best advice that I have been given lately is that if it is meant to be it will happen. In my situation, that just means it is not going to happen. For all my tears, he is just playing me. Why fret over it? They are just in it for the ego stroke.

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  2. #382
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    Jan 2018
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    I don't know the full resort of what you're going through. And you know, there might be some hope, but it depends on how balanced your relationship is. If its you trying to be with him, and he never tries to be with you, than he is playing you. If it feels like you do stuff for him but he doesn't do anything for you, than it's exactly as you're saying. And I don't udnerstand how can anyone be so cruel. I don't think he is, I think he may care about you. Just not as much as you'd want. But I don't know, and I dare not make final resolution hearing about this.

    It kinda feels like the same thing I'm experiencing, although in my case, she writes to me on her own. And I don't really think shes as cruel as you paint your 'lost love' to be. I think shes majorly confused, and as shes very flirtish and close-ish with everyone (with me more so in company but generally it's not such a huge differrence) she has trouble keeping back with me. In a way I don't blame her. I think she cares about me, I know she does, and not because she said it. She often asks other people how I'm doing and if I'm alright.. In a way, I even think she considered being back with me, but seeing as Im still not fully grown into maturity and I tend to be overly dramatic when with her and pubescent (I kinda make scenes and drama out of nothing) really puts her off and confuses her.

    I want to be satisfied with how it is, I'm picking up meditating currently, and as I'm feeling the fog dissapear, I think I will finally get some clarity (3rd day not smoking both weed&cigs, holly hell it's not as bad as I have expected it to be, I just do 30 pushups everytime I feel like smoking and its all fine and dandy). I hope you will get some clarity and some release, but it feels like you also really need to open to other relationships. To other people. Start loving again. For me, little things help.

  3. #383
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    He doesn't give a f**k about me. I don't know why he is doing this, or if he is even doing anything at all, but it is just hype, basically. He doesn't care about me.

    I think that you will find it easier to negotiate some of this stuff when you are free of cannabis. It is amazing how much more emotionally balanced and socially aware that it can make you feel.

    Mindfulness is always a good thing, and I hope that it will help you to 'stand outside of' some of the more challenging withdrawal symptoms. Three days is great. Keep going!!

  4. #384
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    You seem seriously emotionally invested. I can't really make a lot of guesses, because I'm sceptical as to what amount you actually paint it so dark because you feel it that way. It may not be that way. It may not be so desperate, so pathetic. Maybe it's right now at this moment that you're feeling desperate, but I get the sense that it might not be just him and his and your relationship, but it might be you, and you alone.

    Can you imagine being with someone else? Because I know that I can, it feels different, sort of detached, but if I fight with my self-doubt and attempt to boost my confidence I can see myself being with other smart, beautiful girls.
    Do you love yourself? Do you feel worthy of being loved by someone else? You've given me advices that perhaps you should value the most.

    Also one thing that always helps me is certain feeling of 'power'. I've described this feeling in other threads. Across all feelings I have had, theres one constant; an incredible amount of energy, force that could move mountains(). I feel that inside of me and it's not going anywhere. I just need to control it, because so far I've used weed to control it, and put it in a fog of sorts. Do you get similar feelings?

  5. #385
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    Hi Juan,

    It saddens me that you see me as pathetic. I was angry, I guess.
    If you don't mind, I don't really want to talk about this in a public forum. I know it was my fault for venting here in the first place, because it opens up my heart for some type of comment, but I am getting closer to the point where there is barely anything I am willing to share here. I don't even feel comfortable talking about something as trivial as my day.

    I know that you were just trying to help, and I appreciate it. So, thanks.

    Cheers,
    Alice

  6. #386
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    I'm sorry if i had been pushy. I don't see you as pathetic, the situation you explain on here however kind of seems so.
    I was never really a 'its gonna be alright' kind of support and I know I tend to fudge people up more than help them in some occasions.

    Openness isn't bad and I see no reason why you should blame yourself, you, maybe not here and maybe not to me, but please don't close yourself in. You're an active part of this community and I wouldn't want to see you gone because you believe you've opened too much.

  7. #387
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    or because im an a*hole, sorta

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  8. #388
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    Hi Juan,

    No worries at all. I don't think you are an a*hole. I was a bit humiliated by your message, but to be honest, I think this is more caused by the fact that Kasper so rightly identified - let's keep this discussion to cannabis and I think we will be a more productive community. I find it hard, because I feel the need to vent sometimes, and it spills over here. It never works. I always end up getting hurt.

    I had an absolutely HELLISH day yesterday (nothing to do with you), so I was a bit raw last night, and obviously that came through. Perhaps you are right that openness is a good thing, and I would never close myself in, but I do wonder how much of a disservice I am doing to myself by making my FEELINGS public like this. I just always seem to get burned, that's all.

    I hope that you don't blame yourself either, or shut yourself in, because to be honest, you said a lot of very helpful things earlier in this thread. I got the sense that you are very sensitive and self aware, at times.

    Perhaps you are a bit more bullish because you are going through withdrawals, or maybe you just got in a different kind of mood, but I don't think you are a bad guy at all, and I appreciate your apology.

    Cheers,
    Alice

  9. #389
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    I am so tired. It has been a stressful week already. So many crazy things happening in my life right now!

  10. #390
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    Oh yeah? Like what? Please do tell...

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