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Thread: Alice's quit journal

  1. #431
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    Jul 2015
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    Hi John,

    It is so good to hear that you have found something that works for you. I do think that the sleep might take a while longer to get in shape. You have only been taking it for a couple of days and sleep can take a while longer than that to normalise.

    It is so great that the insomnia is not affecting your days too much. It can be uncomfortable and annoying, but I think that it will get a lot better.

    Noticing any other benefits of being quit so far?
    Alice

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  2. #432
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    Well Alice, that is a very good question!

    Admittedly, I have been somewhat consumed by the negatives of withdrawal, which can be a drag. When I read your question I had to really think about it.

    I generally feel more motivated and (dare I say it) more positive. I really had reached a point, while on the surface being high made me happy and "motivated" to do some things like housecleaning (remember, I was the 2-3 hit per day smoker), just beyond the surface I was becoming very apathetic and depressed, slightly bordering on dark, frankly. Like, "Oh well, I kinda feel like shit all the time--tired, tense muscles, slight difficulty breathing deeply--but I'm a stoner and so what if it is just going to get worse as I get older---I'll just accept it and if this is how I die, even if it's at an early age, oh well...."

    At the same time, I was feeling some sort of anxiety. Again, it was below the surface. On the surface everything was no worries, ha ha ha, relax dude, but just underneath I was having some sort of internal conflict. Perhaps it was a reaction to my thoughts I outlined above---my unstoned self saying, "Um, is this really the mindset you want to spend the rest of your years in?" What happened to the old John?

    I am beginning to feel happier. I used to listen to music while high and "reeeeaaalllyyy get into it". I would get a rush from a song I liked....nothing like it. But, it was while high. What a cool drug! Makes everything MORE. And it does. But the negatives had begun to outweigh that positive. And all other positives. The past few days, I turned on satellite radio, and actually got reeeeaaalllly into a few songs, SANS herb. I am grateful for that as I was beginning to think I would never feel that rush/happiness again. I do think my supplements have helped tremendously with this.

    Excercise feels better. I had done some from time to time during my smoking years but it wouldn't last much beyond a month or two and while it felt good in one way, I still felt like crap and each excercise session was much more of a struggle physically.

    I don't have that burning sensation in my throat everyday after smoking up. I have had a hietal hernia for about 10 years and have taken 30 mg of Prevacid (a proton pump inhibitor) for that time. Smoking is one of the main irritants for hietal hernias--along with alcohol (red wine in particular), coffee, chocolate, etc. Gave up the red wine about 3 yeras ago (a cruel irony now that I live in a major wine producing area of California!) but still had a daily cocktail or two, and I love(d) coffee. So, I've not had any alcohol since I quit smoking and I have been drinking tea instead of coffee. And......I stopped taking the Prevacid a week ago today. I am a bit bothered but no where near the level at which I was bothered when I tried to give up the pills in the past. I hear there is an adjustment period for acid re-regulation in the stomach. The accupuncturist also gave me something to help with this. And I can take a regular (non proton pump inhibitor) antacid if I need to. So this long winded paragraph to say that I am feeling much better physically in my chest/esophagus area.

    I added another supplement last night. I bought some L-Theanine pills. There is a small amount of this in the GABA supplement I am taking, but after reading more about the L-Theanine, I bought 100 mg pills. This is a relaxing amino acid that supports GABA production and helps with sleep. I took it before bed last night and slept much better. Not perfect, but much better. So I will continue this.

    Okee dokee. Must get on with this Saturday!
    Thanks for the question, Alice! Were you expecting such a long winded reply??

    I might be having trouble with posting emojis. They appear in text format, we'll see if it changes to the emoji after I hit send. If not, any suggestions? I know there is a setting that you can check if you don't want the emoji to appear or something....I think I have that setting set properly. Yes I just scrolled down and it says "Smilies are on"
    Anyhoo....ciao for now.
    Hope you are enjoying your weekend!
    John

  3. #433
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    OK, I guess my smilies are working...

  4. #434
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    Hi John,

    It is good to hear that you are experiencing some benefits and that the supplements are working. Your quit seems to be having positive effects, both physically and psychologically. It is so good to hear

    I loved keeping a journal of all the developments, because then I can look back (or remember) the moments when I really felt like I had taken a huge leap forward.

    Keep going!

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    Cheers,
    Alice

  5. #435
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    Thanks Alice!
    You're the best!

  6. #436
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    The lesson of my morning is something I obviously haven't learnt yet - don't share my feelings on my blog, or anywhere else where Turtle may be. I can't believe I thanked the pr**k. Thanks for what? Thanks for years of torture and misery. Thanks for this huge abyss in my heart.

    Everything that I write, just suffers reverberation, so I am continually reacting to the effect of the post before. I just want this situation to be over and for him to be out of my life.

  7. #437
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    Why not share you feelings? There may be some people who are judgemental (like me lol) but in general we all want to let go of what bothers in our lives. What might pull us back into our addictions. No necessarily just the weed ones.

    I have no idea what happened, but I sympathise with how I imagine you feel according to your post. I don't know if it's correct, but I try to think that if you thanked him, or at least have been positive, that is good. Better than being bitter, right? If you left on a positive note and now he's the one leaving you on a negative, you really haven't done anything wrong. But I'm just guessing here.

    I'm having similiar feeling somethings, as I meet the girl I told you about. When I quit weed, I've started to feel calmness and clarity in connection to the world and my relationship with her. Yet as of last weed, I drank alcohol almost every day, in different occasions and let myself loose with cigarettes. I stoped with yoga and had very little sleep. And then I met her randomly, we haven't wrote to each other in couple days and I started having these bitter dialogues with an image of her, which drowned me in ugly expectations. At that point it all spilled and I started to make drama once again. We saw each other later that day and talked it through, but I'm still mad at myself for loosing control. And I think it all ties together with loosing the good, positive rythm I've had. Generally, I know I need calmness, the calmness that I've managed to achieve for a short time before telling myself that it's okay to get loose once again. But one thing I need to get through first, and she told me of all people, is being okay with limping a little. It wasn't that big and even if it was, it's okay, because I want to have control, calmness and in short, I want to keep living the good life. I know it's not good to do this and to let myself drown in such evil thoughts. But it takes time. I will slowly learn to swim and free myself at that point.

    I hope you are achieving calmness, and even if it takes time, it's okay. The abyss in your heart is temporary, and I know it's hard to try and imagine it being filled with something of a different shape. Give yourself time.

  8. #438
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    I don’t know. Should feelings always be shared? Particularly on the Internet where they can be misinterpreted or where people can offer their opinions on your feelings. It kind of feels like standing up at work or on a street corner and telling passers by that you feel angry or sad or whatever.

    I do find it helpful because I am the kind of person who finds writing great for processing feelings or thoughts. I grow so much when I do this. I am just not sure that it needs to be public.

    And then there is the whole other issue of boundaries. Turtle doesn’t have a word to share with me. That is what I mean by the abyss. It is like sending an email or a text and not getting a reply. The whole thing starts to wobble from the inside and I lose my nerve.

    It is important to have boundaries that protect you from being hurt or abused. I feel like mine collapse when I open my heart for this ghost to peer into without seeing ANYTHING of HIS heart.

  9. #439
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    I will respond to your conundrum and your other post later. I am at work and lunch is over!

  10. #440
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    Hi Juan,

    I would say the same thing to you as you said to me: 'give yourself time'. You are going through a lot right now, and withdrawal can be hard on the body, mind and spirit. It is understandable that you are a bit more emotional than you otherwise would be. I think that you make a good observation that this girl does not bother you as much when you are calm and balanced. That is another good reason to stick with your quit. It really will help you to level out and see things in more perspective. Until then, I guess, all you can do is your best.

    Cheers,
    Alice

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