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Thread: Alice's quit journal

  1. #471
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,001

    Default trying to work with low dopamine levels

    Feck!! I couldn't be bothered working today. I wish I could spray dopamine into my brain like some kind of refreshing water mist spray.
    I get the sense that my relatively newly increased dosage of medication is moping up every last bit of dopamine in my brain, and it just makes me feel so incredibly lethargic.
    All I want to do is talk on the phone and drink tea.
    I have three hours to get all this graphic done. JUST DO IT!!
    :-)

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  2. #472
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    California
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    126

    Default

    Hello Alice,

    Just shy of a month replying to your wonderful message. I'll say not bad, given starting a new job and the holidays. lol

    Another Body Pump enthusiast! Yes, it's definitely international and I believe it originated in your part of the globe, NZ. It is such a great overall workout and I really like that you can adjust the weight. As I mentioned, the instructor I go to twice a week is so great. There are a few other instructors but they don't have the same timing and communication and energy that the one I go to does. Makes all the difference!

    So glad to have 2018 in the rear view mirror!! My next door neighbor was visiting yesterday. She is actually the person who told me about the Marijuana Anonymous meetings. Yesterday we talked about it briefly and I "flashed back" to the moment. We were sitting in the living room and I could see the dining room table, where about a year ago, she told me about MA. I can't believe the state my brain was in back then. The more I think about it, the more I think it was the hash I smoked for a week or so that pushed me into such an extreme state. In any case, I am so grateful to be where I am now!

    Thanks for all your support, Alice!
    How's your interior decorating going?

    John

  3. #473
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,001

    Default

    Hey John,
    Thanks for your message! Great to hear you started a new job. How was your Christmas and New Year? Or your holidays?

    I can't believe that Body Pump originates in NZ! Typical. I have never been there, but amongst some of my friends, we consider NZ 'the source' hehe.
    Two times a week sounds like the perfect balance. Do you do other workouts as well? I agree with the right instructor. For me, some of them have better 'music choices' too, which is one of the biggest things that brings me back.
    I actually haven't been to a class, maybe since I last talked to you. There has been a lot of stuff going on in my life this summer. I haven't been in my home city too much, but I hope to get back into it.

    2018 wasn't such a good year for you? I am so happy that you can reflect back on where you were - when your friend mentioned MA. I think that will perhaps be your 'anchor' that you can reflect on, if you ever get in a situation where temptation strikes, as it will do, if I know anything about how this world works! We are not immune to temptation, even years later. The point is that it will test you, and with your fresh, clear mind, I believe that you will be able to rise to the challenge.

    My support, is really my pleasure! I love doing this stuff :-)
    My interior decorating has taken another shift today. I was going to move some furniture, but ended up cleaning out the bookcase and cleaning the window sills. My plants are going nuts, even though I haven't been at home all week, and my neighbour kindly watered them for me. I am so happy, because I have never had much luck with indoor plants before, but they are thriving so far! So lucky :-)
    I did also get some cubes from IKEA. . . do you have IKEA in your part of the world? I actually couldn't work out how to put them together, so I hired someone on a local freelancing (kinda) site, and this lovely guy came and put them together. I have never been particularly good at DIY, but I would like to try to get more skills. It is fun.

    Apart from that, I have a growing sense in my heart that there are good people in the world. The fact that I am cannabis free, allows me to interact with these people and to actually connect. It is just nice.

    Take care John, hope to catch up with you again sometime soon!
    :-) Alice

  4. #474
    Desert Newt Cannabis Rehab Guest

    Default IKEA is everywhere?

    Seems in my limited travels, i've seen IKEA in 34 countries...they are everywhere!
    LIKE ELVIS!

  5. #475
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
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    Default

    Hehe, Desert Newt, where have you travelled?
    I have never seen an IKEA overseas, but we do have quite a few here in Australia!
    Sorry for my late response, too. I wasn't quite sure what to say for some reason!

    I am not feeling so good today. Lack of sleep can be really tough, I know. I am not the sort of person who functions too well on little sleep. I was so excitable last night and I just kept creating. I think I went to sleep around 2 am and woke up around 6 am. Not enough!

    Hope you all have a good day/evening/ sleep. Talk soon :-)

  6. #476
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    California
    Posts
    126

    Default

    Hi Alice,

    Uh oh. Lack of sleep does indeed suck! (Sorry for the semi vulgar word!) Hope it was just one night for you and that you are back to normal sleep.

    I have actually been sleeping pretty well these past 5 or so nights. Maybe I've turned another corner....shhhh....don't say it out loud. For me, I think it is nervous system thing. I think my parasympathetic nervous system was not functioning properly due to so many years of cannabis use and the hash at the end. I actually feel different these days. I'll take it.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

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    There are IKEA's here too. But because I am ZERO handy I really don't shop there. I wouldn't mind being handier but I really have no patience for handy stuff. A good handyman/woman is indispensible for me. Luckily I've got a few in my neighborhood! :-)

    You spoke about NZ being "the source". I'm thinking there is something else besides body pump behind this?? Care to share??
    I am still going but not as frequently. I've started working 5 days a week. Still afternoon/evenings. So I now work during one of the body pump classes. I'm filling in for a co-worker today, which is the other body pump day. Hopefully I can make the 9:30 a.m. class tomorrow (Wednesday) which is ok, but not my favorite instructor. I really hate to miss an entire week because it is so much harder to get back into it! And my thighs go through the agony of not being able to walk down stairs all over again!

    Well, glad to hear you were creative during your late night. At least you were productive and not just lying there counting sheep. Hopefully you will get right back to a longer more satifying sleep pattern!

    All the best!

  7. #477
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
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    Default

    Hi JWC,
    Thanks for your reply. It is interesting to me, because the pendulum seems to have swung on both my sleep and my mental illness and these two things seem to be related. For the past few days I have struggled to wake up earlier than 7:30 am, and have this tendency to both sleep in more and stay up later. Previous to this for the past couple of months, I had been waking up full of energy between 5:30 and 6:30 am. It is interesting to me that when something 'kicks' me out of my psychosis, my sleep changes completely to trend to the other side of the clock. It is funny.

    It also makes me realise that this particular episode of my psychosis is to some degree 'psychological'. This time nothing has changed with my medication, but the guy who is central to the 'story' of my psychosis pushed back on the weekend and this, combined with spending extended periods of time with people outside my house and staying with them in Sydney helped to 'kick' me out of my psychosis. So interesting.

    I am so glad to be back! It was an interesting way of life and certainly compelling, but to be honest, it is a huge time waster, and a huge waste of money too. I am so much less 'productive' than when I am in good health and it just feels like a waste looking back.

    It is interesting that you think your parasympathetic nervous system is functioning better. You must have a reason for suggesting this? What have you learnt about this?
    It is good to hear that your sleep 'may' be improving. How is it going now?

    I am zero handy too. I actually had to hire someone to help me put together cubes that I bought from IKEA recently. It is a factor of patience, I agree. And I am glad you know some good handy persons!

    Lol, we used to say that NZ was the source because hot, fun, interesting, men come from there, haha. Have you ever been there?

    Good to hear you are working more. I haven't been doing as many body pump classes either, because I have been ill I guess, and now the excuses kick in about 'recovery' but I do hope to get back into it soon. It is agony. What kind of weights are you lifting in those classes? I am still on the starting weights!

    Thanks for your well wishes regarding my sleep. It is kind of depressing waking up when half the morning is gone, but I will take the more rational mindset and the lack of ideas of reference for sure. I also feel happier, so that is nice too.

    Hope you have a good rest of your week and a fun weekend!
    Best,
    Alice :-)

  8. #478
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    California
    Posts
    126

    Default

    Hi Alice,

    Just re-read your last post.

    One of the causes for sleep issues is depression. Have read that and my doctor told me last July when he prescribed Trazodone for me. An old antidepressant that causes drowsiness so many docs prescribe it as a sleep aid when they suspect there is depression involved. I'm not sure your mental illness is depression, but through all of my research last year, there is clearly a link between mental health and sleep.

    So, am I correct in understanding that the "guy who is central to the story of your psychosis" helped kick you out of it this time? And I'm guessing he is a love interest? Is he from "the source" lol
    Speaking of which, no, I haven't been to NZ but have met a few NZ guys, so I kinda know what you're talking about! ;-)

    Are you still feeling better? Sleep?
    It sounds terrible to go through these episodes. Try not to beat yourself up too much about being less productive. Try to ride the wave and doing what you can is good enough. Although if you buy too many red dresses, that can be problematic to the purse....

    My idea about my parasympathetic nervous system comes from the feeling that my body just can't relax enough to drift off to sleep. The PNS kicks in to calm your body and mind, acting against the sympathetic nervous system. I suspect the cannabis use has affected this. There could be some uderlying issues as well surrounding my relationship. Not sure I am entirely happy with the status quo. Often I will doze off for 15 or so minutes and then pop back awake, and then not fall asleep again for 2-3 hours. As I've mentioned before, it is much better than last year. When I think back to the state I was in, my brain and my body, it is hard for me to believe. In terms of falling asleep, I think it's the same issue now, just at about 10% or so of what it was back then. One technique that I find somewhat helpful is abdominal breathing. This is supposed to acitivate the PNS, and I actually do find that is works. It doesn't knock me out right away but I do feel it helps.

    Body pump....let's see...my base weight on the bar is 10 kilos--22 pounds. The biggest weights are 5 kilos I think (11 pounds). I then add the little ones--2.2 pounds I think, so 1 kilo. So 12 kilos is my typical weight. Occasionally I will add the medium weights to the 10 kilos....but haven't done in a while. Hey, maybe I'll give that a go again this evening!
    I am taking a TRX class for the month of March on Saturday mornings. First class was last Saturday, taught by my favorite Body Pump instructor, who is wonderful. It's exercises using a big strap with handles that is attached to the ceiling. I have to say I enjoyed it and am definitley feeling it in my shoulders and upper back!

    Well my dear, thanks for the posts and allowing me to type here. Hoping you continue to be well and happy!

    John

  9. #479
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
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    Default

    Hey John,
    Thanks for your reply. It is good to hear from you :-)
    Yes, I have read about the connection between depression and sleep as well. I have heard that people can wake up in the night (or early) if they are suffering from depression. When I am well it works in a bit of a different way - I will wake up early if something particularly exciting or particularly happy happens the night before.

    My sleep is back to the same old pattern - stay up to a reasonable hour, wake up late. I guess it is what it is. I am definitely feeling a LOT better, thanks for asking. I took your advice and took it pretty easy last week. After a pretty intense day at uni on Monday I pretty much recuperated for the rest of the week until Friday. It was almost like quitting cannabis again. It seems that my dopamine system was out of whack from the recent episode and I needed some time to just rest and get my reward system back into gear.
    As for the red dresses, pretty much all of them have gone into the 'donate' pile, which is a bit of a depressing waste of money, but it is not the end of the world.

    With regard to your theory on the PNS, it sounds very interesting. I can relate on some level, because sometimes I doze off when I am reading in bed, but it is a very light sleep and then I wake up properly to take my medication and switch the lights off. On those occasions, I can find it VERY HARD to get back to sleep. It can be really annoying, but I have wondered if maybe we have some kind of storage of some kind of sleep chemical in our brains and if we use it up (with your 15 minute nap, or me with my light dozing), we can find it hard to drift off to sleep again afterwards. What do you think?

    I am so happy to hear that you have found something that helps somewhat (abdominal breathing) and that it is better the further you get away from your quit. You also mentioned that your relationship is not going so well at the moment? How are you feeling about that?

    10 kg!! That is amazing. I am still on the weight they started me on about 3 - 6 months ago - 3kg. Lol. I go up to 5 kg for the quad and back track. I didn't make it again to class this weekend. It is such a shame. I need to find a community of fitness enthusiasts to develop a fitness mindset again. I find starting again after a break the hardest part.
    That TRX class sounds fun and good! How was it?

    Thanks for your thoughts, energy and words :-) You are welcome here any time! I hope you continue to be well too!
    Alice :-)

  10. #480
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alice View Post
    I struggled a bit on Sunday evening. I guess because it was the last opportunity for the weekend to smoke. I felt as though I wanted to have fun, and to take my mind somewhere else, but in the end, I decided to have a glass of wine, instead, then after dinner, I got distracted by Internet troubles. I was so close to smoking, but at every step I took, I was also happy to have a clear mind and this morning I realised it was so worth it! I have been in a great mood all day :-) I know that would not have happened had I smoked. It really does wonders for my mood, abstaining :-) It is great! I had a productive day at work and got everything I wanted to do today, done, so it all turned out for the best :-) Now I just have to remember that next weekend :-) Cheers!
    I am very glad that you did not succumb to the temptation and remained clean! The hardest thing is not to quit, and not start smoking again! You will succeed!

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