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Thread: Anxiety attacks & suicidal thoughts

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2016
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    Brisbane, Australia
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    Unhappy Anxiety attacks & suicidal thoughts

    Hey guys

    I'm a new forum user from Australia (holla all).

    SO GLAD to have found this site. Some of your stories have been very inspiring to read

    I've been weed AND nicotine free for 21 days & am doing the quitting thing entirely by myself.

    Pls excuse my probably depressing and boring below rant...Maybe I just need to vent.

    I know from researching the net & some other posts that having depression & anxiety post-quitting probably is not abnormal. But I guess I'm looking for some support, tips...anything really - just want to make sure I'm not crazy. My medical insurance doesn't cover psychology/psychiatry, or I'd go burden a therapist instead.

    I guess in some ways I'm coping well, since I've made it this far, but inside I feel I'm NOT coping well.

    I've been a VERY heavy pot user for about 2 and a half years, and recently I decided to quit. Finally coming to terms with the fact that I can't go through my entire life stoned. Not to mention it was affecting my relationships and the quality of my work - making me vague, dumb and forgetful, and look stoned/tired all the time - and also becoming a financial strain.

    It's been only 3 weeks - I've read it takes about 60 days to fully feel better, so I'm holding out for that.

    I'm just really scared about whether I've damaged my brain permanently. Since quitting, I feel like I have ADHD. I expected the bad symptoms to last 1-2 weeks, and I had some pretty ****ed up things the first few days - hot & cold flushes, night sweats, very bad emotional freakouts and wanting to self harm. All of which I've read others have gone through. But the lingering things for me are both depression and anxiety, and an inability to concentrate even on things I enjoy.

    This is hard to describe in words, but I feel like my body's in mild shock - the kind of shock that comes after an injury or a big tattooing session - except it's been going on for weeks. It's getting really ****ing hard to cope with.

    And I'm a bit freaked out at how many times daily I feel unable to cope - throw a tantrum/burst into tears/have a minor panic attack, or all three. I am a busy person with 3 jobs (online social media/copywriting) as well as managing my own band. I work from home so at least I don't have to really go into an office, but I still have pretty intense deadlines and people depending on me/demanding stuff from me. Sadly I can't tell the people I work with 'Hey, ease off, I'm quitting weed', for obvious stigma reasons.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    I kind of don't have time to fall apart right now. But the only way I know this'll all stop right now is if I go back to using, and I don't wanna ruin my progress. I just feel so down, like there's no hope for the future. I feel so ****ing unproductive. My mind keeps returning to the blissful fog I was in on pot. And I keep getting slapped in the face with memories of dumb shit I did when stoned, that I regret now, and feel pretty deeply ashamed about a lot of it.

    All my insecurities and stuff I guess I was covering up with weed are now swirling around in my head daily. It sucks. It's very hard basically just continuing to get out of bed every day.

    I always had depressive tendencies and was a pretty highly organised/detail oriented person. But I was at a really good place BEFORE I started smoking pot. Now I just feel so down, and am having these weird anxiety attacks - something I NEVER had in the past. And some of my behaviour & thoughts seem to be leaning towards OCD.

    Am I going to be okay? Are there any books/methods people have tried that have helped? Or at least, has anyone gone through the same thing and DOES IT GO AWAY and when??? Or do you think with all that using I might have ****ed myself up permanently?

    I don't want to rely on any substances to get better. Unless they're totally natural (like herbs or foods - no drugs). Just really want to get back to a more natural me and hopefully feel peaceful/happy again someday soon.

    Thanks for reading xo

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
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    Hi there :-) and welcome! I am from Australia too! It is nice to meet you.

    First thing is that it WILL pass. I can't say exactly when, because everyone is different, but I felt the same way as you did a while back (I am 11 weeks free today), and I did a big google search and found a whole heap of people who had written that their brains had come back after some time weed free. It is probably just your mind adjusting to a new neurochemical environment, so stick with it, because you WILL be rewarded.

    At about six weeks, I started to feel a fair bit better, and stopped thinking about smoking on every occasion that I would have normally smoked.

    Your life will get so much better, and although you feel anxious and depressed at the moment, it will pass. Can you give some other excuse at work to get a bit of slack there? I am studying at uni and I did find it hard for a while, but the reward, when I finally noticed that my mind is working a LOT better than when I used weed makes it all worth it.

    Keep writing if you find it helpful. It might help to alleviate some of the blues.

    And congratulations!! It is a huge achievement.

    Cheers,
    Alice

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2016
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    Hi there
    Also from Australia and on just my 2nd day of quitting so really can't offer you any feedback but just hang in there i guess.

    HEAVY user also.started in 2010 and went on and off until about 2012 after which it was every day - I would go through an ounce a month.

    My third attempt at quitting in the past 6 months, and i hope i do get third time lucky. Previous two attempts lasted all of 4 days first time, and a week the second time.

    This time though, i know i can't go back because i know for me there is now no half measures. Previous two attempts failed because i had convinced myself i could quit through moderation. Now i know that can never happen for me.

    This time i am determined.

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Good luck!! Determination is everything, and it does get easier. No matter what happens, just keep trying, because eventually you will roll a six. You can learn something from each quit, and you are getting stronger. It is good to realise that you can't have it in moderation. I am the same. As soon as I smoke, I get back into a loop with it, probably from the physical withdrawals, which makes it harder.

    Let us know how you are going!

  5. #5
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    Just as another thought to the person who started this thread, ahastayinalive, it is a tough tough call to give up nicotine AND weed at the same time. Nicotine is a pretty nasty monster, and weed takes some effort too, so cut yourself some slack if you can. It is completely understandable that your body and mind is in melt down at the moment. Either one is hard enough on it's own, but both?!?

    Wishing you the best of luck!

  6. #6
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    That is a good point, some people can handle giving up both at the same time, plenty do but as Alice rightly said nicotine can be a huge beast to slaughter especially at the same time as trying to fight another, so maybe you may well want to give your self some slack in regards to that side of things and perhaps try some nicotine replacement therapy at the very least.

    Also if the worst comes to the worst and the suicidal thoughts feel like they are starting to get the better of you and you feel like you are coming close to doing something silly then definitely light a cigarette, or even vape a ecig, or nicotine gum, spray, etc, call a local helpline or talk to a friend or family member, or doctor or health care professional and maybe afterwards also come and post here to get whatever's left off your chest, we can't always be as quick as some of the other support mechanisms but someone is bound to read and get back to you at some point, but yeah if things get really bad have a dose of nicotine and talk to someone about it.

    Struth even head for the local pub, us winging poms think that's where all you Ozzies go for free therapy for as the great Mick Dundee once said why see a shrink when you haves mates down the pub! Bad joke I know, and not that I am recommended another vice but I am sure you get my point, forever is a long time to be dead and many who do take drastic action often as I heard one persons mother put it recently, they may have wanted to be dead at the time but not necessarily forever! Even if you crack and have a joint it's better than doing something that can never be undone...

    Hang in there,
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 13 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

  7. #7
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    UK
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    Also maybe try some L theanine for the anxiety, it really does work quite well!

    All the best and please keep us posted.
    Cannabis Rehab Admin

    If you wish to Use then Use, Your Body Your Choice, You're NOT a Criminal and I wish you well!

    My Choice is to be Drug Rehabilitated for 13 years because I Chose to be free from its Control on me!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    12

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    No, I don't think you've screwed yourself up permanently. Unfortunately quitting makes you feel like shit. Hang in there.
    One thing I think in really important is to eat well, which doesn't mean to eat a lot but try to eat a balanced diet. I'm in the US and use the USDA Food tracker and it blows my mind how badly I was eating. Good Luck.

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