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Thread: TTMO's quitting journey and journal

  1. #11
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    Alice your story is so inspiring and I want to experience everything you described here and in your other posts.

    I have been finding excuses. A lot of excuses.

    For assistance with finding a reputable and accredited Marijuana Rehab Service Provider in the USA you can call the US Government’s FREE SAMHSA’s National Helpline on:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357)



    I have been disconnected to my own life for too long. No more.

    I wrote a contract with myself, signed it. I put it away so nobody will find it. Just me
    I hid in a block of ice the keys of my facilitator's flat, where I would go and spend "my elusive 15 minutes" and smoke his weed. Leaving money...sometimes... No more

    I want my emotional intelligence. The one that will allow me to progress in my life.

    I feel like I have just pressed the START button. I just need to hang on for the ride.

    Thank you so much for reading, I hope it helps somebody.

    TTMO

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  2. #12
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    TTMO,

    I am sure your story will help others who are struggling to come to terms with their cannabis addiction. Especially if you, over time, solve your problems and can identify what helped.

    I did a bit of research into excuses. It is actually not as bad as you think. It is your way of protecting your 'self' from shame and harm. I am just wondering if you actually have a lot more at stake than others, because your use is a secret, and so you need to protect yourself even more when you fail to stick to your resolution. https://www.headspace.com/blog/2015/...-make-excuses/

    You certainly have some very creative ways of trying to remove the temptation from yourself. I have never heard of anyone hiding a key in ice before, but it is a pretty amazing idea!

    You also sound as if you really want this. You are always listing the potential positives of quitting, and the negatives of not quitting.

    My psychologist would always talk about this decision making process with addiction, where you weigh up the pros and cons, and finally come to a concrete decision. It sounds like you are doing that, and that you really want to make this decision for yourself.

    When I quit, I felt as though it was absolutely non negotiable. It took me a while to get there, and I played around with ways to try and make smoking work for me, but I got so FED UP with it, and I KNEW that if I were to smoke again, I would get in a loop with it. I think that really believing that there is absolutely NO WAY that you are going to smoke again, and making it non negotiable, can be helpful. It takes all that decision making out of future cravings.

    If you really believe that you are never going to smoke again, then I think that you won't. It seems to me that there is some part of you that still believes that it is doing you some good? What is that part saying to you? What are you afraid of?

    I hope that is helpful in someway. Keep writing, keep developing self awareness, and keep trying. You WILL get there!

    Hang on for the ride! Good plan! The bad bits will be over before you know it.

    Alice

  3. #13
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    Hey there,

    I will stick to it. I will respect my contract with myself. However I know what's coming and its not fun. Withdrawal symptoms have kicked in and I need to get through this.

    To answer your question about thinking that smoking is still doing me some good, I have to say no. It's been a long time that I know weed doesn't offer any advantages to someone that wants to progress in life. For me, there is no such thing as a proactive successfully daily smoker. Unless you deal drugs but then, that's not successful...
    On a unconscious level, my mind was able to rationalize my actions and trick me into thinking I was better off getting high.

    I may start to digress so I'm going to go for a walk, get some clean air.

    One last question I asked before: Has anyone tried natural health pills such as Cannitrol, Maritox or L-Theanine? Maybe they can help me control my moods and get a grip on my emotions sooner.

    Thanks for reading and your support.

    ttmo

  4. #14
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    Hi TTMO,

    I hope you are hanging in there. I am going through nicotine withdrawal at the moment, so I can relate to how you might be feeling. I know that it can be no fun, but it is temporary and is our brains way of healing.

    If your quit from cannabis is non negotiable, and it sounds like it is, then you just have to get through this withdrawal stage. One of my favourite quotes from the smoking cessation group is 'you have to go through it to get through it'.

    That is what I feel like at the moment. The withdrawal symptoms are no fun, but I feel like I can organise my life so that I can suffer them in peace.

    Walking is the best medicine for these things, I agree! I am going for a walk too

    Talk to you later,
    Alice

  5. #15
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    Hey all,

    Thanks Alice. I did get through the day and feel OK. Last night I slept terribly. Nightmares, tossing and turning, sweats...

    I am committed though. Looking at pictures of yourself with loved ones where you know you were high is a good way to realize the moments you've wasted and not want to repeat those mistakes.

    Tomorrow, I will stay busy. Too busy to want to get high.

    Getting my body in shape is another reason I am quitting. Like everybody says, exercise is a great distraction from weed.

    Cheers,

    ttmo

  6. #16
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    Sounds positive TTMO,

    Staying busy and exercise sound like excellent plans. I found that distraction was the most helpful thing. The four D's probably apply to cannabis cessation too - Do something else (distraction), Drink some water, Take a Deep breath, and Delay until the craving has passed.

    If you are committed, then I think that the withdrawal symptoms are just something you have to get through. They won't last too long.

    Have you ever tried Melatonin for the sleeping problems? A few people on this board have said that it helped them. I hope you sleep better tonight.

    Cheers,
    Alice

  7. #17
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    Good news, I'm still staying away from weed but withdrawals symptoms are a full blast. Last night I slept horribly. I didn't remember it being so disruptive the last times I stopped smoking for a few days.

    I want to know what it feels like to be in full possession of my mind, of my life. Only time will allow me to do this. Until then, I have to suffer. But I guess it's a small price to pay to get back all that daily smoking has taken away from me over 18 years.

    Good luck to all and another smoke free day for me!

    Cheers,

    ttmo

  8. #18
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    That really is good news. You are doing great.

    I am sorry your sleep is so messed up. The valerian doesn't help? Thankfully you don't have to get up and go to work at the moment (correct me if I'm wrong), so you can use this time to rest and heal. It is a good opportunity I think.

    Are you drinking lots of water and still getting some exercise? That might help with the withdrawal symptoms.

    Wishing you another smoke free day. 'If you are going through hell, keep going'

    Alice

  9. #19
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    I took Valerian roots pills to attempt helping my sleep but I had the worst night, waking up numerous times and having nightmares.

    I was actually taking prescribed cyclobenzaprine before going to bed for my back pain and because I read they don't mix well with other medications, I stopped taking valerian or St-John's worth. Last 2 nights I slept WAY better. Only dreams, slept through the night! I'm scared to test my sleep without taking anything. I may just continue taking Cyclobenzaprine until I have none left. I will actually seeing my doctor this week so I'll ask about the sleep issues I've been having.

    Other than that I am holding the fort, gaining strength in my abstinence. Some will say that 1 week is nothing and that I have a long way to go but I don't care. One week is huge for me.

    I go one day at the time, chasing away my thoughts about getting high and replacing them projects, ideas and remembering how damaging getting high has been in my life.

    cheers,

    ttmo

  10. #20
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    Hi TTMO,

    Woot! You are absolutely right. One week is definitely not nothing. It is a very good start. You are doing it!

    I am so happy to hear that your sleep has improved. Sounds like Valerian was not the thing at all. I hope that cyclobenzaprine is not addictive, but I am so glad that you have been getting some decent sleep. That would improve your mood considerably.

    It is so great to hear that you are gaining strength. Keep going!

    Cheers,
    Alice

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